'AITA for, apparently, ruining my cousin's wedding?'

My cousin (28F) and I (26F) are indredibly close, practically like sisters. We've shared everything from childhood memories to discussing our love lives. I've always been there for her, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever a guy broke her heart. She is getting married this DECEMBER. In my country, everyone pays for their own seat at the table.

I've been in a commited relationship with my boyfriend for four years, and we're eagerly planning our own fuure together, including getting married after we finish our theses. Despite our close bond, my cousin has never met my BF in person, only through video-calls. I've extended invitations for her to visit and meet him numerous times, but due to her busy schedule, she's never been able to make it.

Conversely, I've made the effort to travel to her city and meet her BF. We were eagerly anticipating the moment when they would finally meet at her wedding, and we had even discussed it during out last convesation. We had dreams of travelling the world together, making plans, and continuing to be the inseparable duo, now four, we've always been.

However, my excitement was abruptly shattered when my mom received a call from my aunt (my cousin's mom) delivering unespected news. They had decided not to invite significant others of family members to the wedding due to budget constraints, while still allowing the partners of her friends to attend.

This decision felt like a slap in the face, particularly after all the anticipation we had shared about her and her partner finally meeting mine at her wedding. I couldn't shake the feeling that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends, some of whom had let her down multiple times in the past, and that they take me for granted.

The news left me feeling devastated. It wasn't just about not being invited anymore; it felt like I had lost a piece of my family. All the plans we had made together suddenly evaporated. While my boyfrined wasn't angry, he understandably questioned the value of investing in future vacations with someone who hadn't even invited him to their wedding.

Additionally, it hurt even more that my cousin didn't have the courage to tell me herself; instead she had her mom relay the message through mine. When I expressed my disappointment, some family members, particularly uncles and aunts, accused me of ruining my cousin's wedding day by speaking up. They argued that it was her day, and she had the right to do as she pleased.

However, I couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal. While I understood weddings are expensive, my boyfriend had even offered to pay for his seat, as is customary in out country. So, AITA for speaking up?

Edit: I'd like to add that I am particularly hurt because my cousin didn't tell me herself, though we spoke on the phone yesterday morning and she knew she was not inviting my BF and that my aunt was going to call any day to deliver the news. Yet, she didn't day a word about retracting the verbal invitation.

Posting this here because I want to see both sides of the problem before speaking directly to my cousin. I don't want to act out of anger without getting perspective.

What do you think? AITA for expressing disappointment on her cousin's wedding day? Could she have handled this differently? This is what top commenters had to say:

Umm_what_I_think_is said:

Firstly, you haven't ruined your cousin's wedding, just because you expressed disappointment. Secondly have you spoken to your cousin about this, and made the offer directly to her, to have your boyfriend pay for his seat at the wedding?

OP responded:

Yes. In my country everyone pays for their seat. Everyone. People actually GAIN money in weddings, if you take into account that we pay for our seats and then give presents. It's just that they have to pay up, and then, on the wedding day, they recover the money they "lost".

BookOfGoodIdeas said:

Ultimately, your cousin gets to decide who gets an invite. But until you hear it from your cousin (rather than her mom), it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for confirmation. NTA for asking, but you would be an AH if you don’t accept her final answer. And looking forward, if your partner can’t come, you would not be the AH for declining to attend.

And OP responded:

I, of couse, will accept her final answer. And I will attend (mainly because she has already asked me to do her make up as she doesn't want to pay for a make up artist, lol). But I still feel deeply hurt. I won't do anything to ruin her happinness, but I would have never expected something like this from her. Not after everything we've been through.

Lusse-Eldalion said:

I, of couse, will accept her final answer. And I will attend (mainly because she has already asked me to do her make up as she doesn't want to pay for a make up artist, lol). But I still feel deeply hurt. I won't do anything to ruin her happinness, but I would have never expected something like this from her. Not after everything we've been through.

And OP responded:

Thing is, my cousin is not organizing ANYTHING from her wedding. Not even the wedding dress. Everything is being handled by her mother. My cousin says she doesn't want the stress.

My aunt has always been quite jealous of me, as I found a BF quite earlier than my cousin (they are those kind of desperate people who NEED to have a man by their side at all times). But I would be quite shocked if my aunt had made this up, it isn't like her. I will have to call my cousin to confirm, though.

illyriiaseekinghelp said:

NTA reading the comments that she had already said she was looking forward to meeting your bf at the wedding would imply an invite for both of you. Only inviting significant others of certain people and not others is tacky and disrespectful. Honestly I wouldn't go at this point

And PoppyStaff said:

NTA. I had a similar situation many decades ago when a very close cousin suddenly decided that no cousins would go to the wedding meal but could turn up to the reception at night. Everyone was outraged for me. My siblings and I made ourselves look fabulous, got drunk and then I was icily polite to the bride at the reception. She knew. She knew. We went NC afterwards.

Easy_Palpitation3008 said:

Just don't go? she shows you disrespect by not even telling your her self that she is suddenly out of nowhere uninviting your partner. Show her the same respect by not telling her you are not going to her wedding.

Verdict: NTA. And many seem to agree she would not be the a$$h@le if she decides not to go to the wedding at all. Will keep you updated as the story unfolds!