'AITA for asking my fat boyfriend to not sit on my special ergonomic chair?' UPDATED
"AITA for asking my boyfriend to not sit on my chair?"
My boyfriend (24M) is fat. It’s just a fact. He weights around 242 pounds (110kg). He doesn’t like to admit that he’s fat. We’ve been living together for 3 years and dating for 7 and I’ve NEVER seen him without a shirt on. That’s him. Well, recently I (23F) have bought an ergonomic chair for myself. With my money, made specially for short people and all that. It was pretty expensive, over 1.5k.
The recommended weight limit is 100kg. My boyfriend sometimes sits on my chair and I always calmly ask him to not do that, not saying anything about the weight limit because anything that he can remotely link to the fact of him being fat is already a reason for an argument. He did it again today, and I once again asked him not to sit on my chair.
Well, this time he snapped. He called me selfish, he says that he shares everything that belongs to him with me (which is true) and I can’t do the same. I never talk back but I’m on my period, judge me idc, so I got annoyed really quickly and said “My issue is not you using my stuff, my issue is you sitting on my chair when you’re over the weight limit, and if you f-k up my very expensive chair, you wouldn’t fix it.”
Now he doesn’t want to look at my face or hear my voice. I acknowledge that I may have been harsh on my words but i spoke them in the most calm way possible, I was just trying to explain why I don’t like him sitting on my chair. AITA?
When the post started getting traction, OP jumped on with a small update.
Edit 1: I “chose” to buy a chair he can’t use because I work from home while he works at an office for 12h a day. Also, the chair is made specifically for short people, because of the back support. Regular ergonomic chairs will have their lower back support almost at my shoulder wings. I need a specific chair so that the “ergonomic“ part of it works for me, because I am a short person.
Edit 2: the weight limit was known to him because he helped me set it up and he read the manual.
Edit 3: someone asked me to do this so I will. I also have scoliosis :p
The comments came rushing in.
Dschingis_khaan wrote:
NTA - Physics doesn’t care about his feelings. He will break the chair. This isn’t about sharing it’s about respecting each other’s things. It’s no different if he was tossing something breakable around or spilling water on electronics, it’s careless and disrespectful. If he wants to use the chair at MINIMUM he needs to lose enough weight and even then he needs your permission.
Meemster_me wrote:
What chair is it because I’m also short and my chair doesn’t fit me right either.
OP responded:
https://dt3.com/produtos/cadeira-office-dt3-yura/?srsltid=AfmBOorPXHIcAA9nAk1Xxzg2aI901YcL9NrbaBCHE4KYPraTf4XtnPtq Although I think they only ship it to Brazil
PumpkinPowerful3292 wrote:
NTA - He says, 'He called me selfish, he says that he shares everything that belongs to him with me (which is true) and I can’t do the same.' Sure you share things that are common and made to share. But this chair is made specifically for your size and body type and you bought specifically for your needs and not the common need of the household and that is ok for you to have that.
He needs to respect that and just not disrespect you and use it when he knows he shouldn't. He is only showing he doesn't really care about you but only himself. As far as being harsh, you needed to be harsh as he was continuing to disrespect you as it was the only way to finally get through to him. So, good for you in standing up for yourself.
fluffyoustewart wrote:
As a fat person, NTA. If someone tells me not to sit on something, I know exactly what the reasoning is and I find somewhere else to sit. No need to tell me twice because my ego does not need more bruising if that shit breaks under me.
gravitationalarray wrote:
"I never talk back"..... this alarms me. He's not your parent. He isn't showing regard or respect for you. He's maybe projecting his own issues onto you. You deserve better, OP. NTA. He's being a jerk.
Numbersguy22 wrote:
NTA - you bought an ergonomic chair for yourself, for short people, with YOUR money. Not for relatives visiting guests visiting, nor your bf who is over the recommended weight limit. There is no reason whatsoever that he cannot respect boundaries for something that just belongs to you and ONLY you that was for your own personal use.
It's no different than one of these other posts where someone purchases food, console game, makeup, etc. that people automatically take for granted that they have free reign over and don't bother asking if they are able to utilize permission for.
If it was the only piece of furniture unoccupied he had available to sit down in, then different story. However, highly unlikely and he just did it out of spite because you told him no before to sit there.
AlfredRegister7379 wrote:
NTA. Forget the chair. Why is it okay for him to argue with you, EVERY TIME the word fat comes up?
Sure he is triggered by it, but also, no one really has to be in a relationship with someone who turns Jekyll/Hyde at the sound of a word.
_internet_hugs wrote:
NTA. Do you borrow his shoes? Are you regularly taking his medications? No. Because even a couple who "share everything" still have things that only fit them. Does he want to start borrowing your tampons? Is he itching to use your makeup? Probably not. He just wants to use your chair because it's convenient and he is being willfully ignorant about what his weight WILL do it it.
SpiritSylvan wrote:
INFO: did he know about the weight limit before or was that the first time he even knew?
(edit: I had written this before the post was edited to include this information).
OP responded:
It was known to him.