'AITA for asking my dad if the reason he missed my bday was to be with his other family?' UPDATED
"AITA for asking my dad if the reason he missed my birthday was to be with his other family?"
My parents divorced 3 years ago because my dad had an affair and the lady got pregnant and he left us to be with her and the kid. My sister and I hate him but our mom still wants us to have a relationship with him so we see him once or twice a month to make her happy.
My sister and I turned 16 on Saturday (twins). We had a party in the park with our aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents from both sides of the family (we all wore masks). The only person who didn’t come was my dad.
He came over yesterday to drop off our present. I swear it was made for a 8 year old (this was it btw) and said that he was sorry that he couldn’t come to our birthday and that he was busy (he lost his job in may and has been sitting on his ass playing video games since because “nobody’s hiring” so I know he wasn’t working).
I asked him exactly why he couldn’t come to our birthday and he just said that he was busy so I looked at him and asked if the reason he missed our 16th birthday was because he wanted to be with his other family instead. He left without saying anything and I’ve been banned from their house for being rude.
AITA for asking my dad if he missed my and my sisters birthday because he’d rather be with his other family?
Edit: he hates it when we call them his other family because he wants us to think of them as our family. He even tried for a while to get us to call his new wife “mom”
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
boop-oop-a-doop said:
NTA. He banned you from his house for calling him out on his terrible attempts at parenting, but if that didn’t shock him into realizing how much his behavior is hurting you and your sister I don’t know if there’s much else you can do. Do your best to not let his nonsense weigh you down, focus on living your best life without him. You both deserve better.
Thia-M said:
Everyone now and then, being the ahole is the right thing to be. And this dress is adorable. For Easter. When you were 10. NTA.
DanDan_notaman said:
NTA given the circumstances, you have a right to ask questions. He in fact did leave your family for another. He isn’t doing you guys a favor by coming to see you or bringing you that dress that was made for a child.
I understand where mom is coming from wanting you to have a relationship, but kids should never have to put in more effort than the adult. Hopefully your mom will see your side and understand that your dad is not being nice
Kindly_Caregiver_212 said:
NTA your dad the ahole he was busy with his other family cuz he gave up on yours. Plus I think real reason he missed it wasn't cause of you either how many family members other than you,
your sister, and your mom hate him for betraying you ladies he prob scared cause of looks and being told off by your family which he shouldn't of worried about cuz family wouldn't do that on your day. He prob was expecting it and those dresses he should of just gave you money yuck 🤮
Darkbalmunk said:
NTA, Sounds like my friends father you know he got back at him by suing for college financial support he got his college partially paid out of his dads pocket, in our area his father was legally obligated for support.
6poundpuppy said:
NTA OMG...that dress. Totally for a 7 or 8 year old to wear to a birthday party. Most assuredly NOT for 16 yr old young ladies. You did nothing wrong asking dad a perfectly valid question. Be thankful you two got “banned” from his house....haHa, that’s pretty much exactly what you wanted, so consider THAT your real birthday gift.
Verdict: NTA.
Since her original post, she shared this update:
The visits with my dad have stopped! Instead we spend those weekends with our grandparents which is way better. My sister and I returned the dresses. My sister bought a jacket that she liked and I got shoes and makeup. When my dad found out that my sister and I weren’t visiting anymore he got mad.
He said he didn’t mean it when he said I was banned and I need to have a relationship with my “brother and sister” (yes, this was how my dad decided to announce that his wife is pregnant). He also thought that would be the right time to tell us that “our sister” would need our room so when we visit, we’d take the couch. He also wanted 50/50 custody.
When our mom heard that he’s giving away our room and wants to go to court for more custody she lost it. She screamed at him about how irresponsible and selfish he is and told him that he’d be laughed out of court if he tried to get custody without us even having a bedroom there.
I think he’s still trying to go to court but my sister and I don’t like him and don’t want to stay there anymore and we don’t have a room so there’s pretty much 0 chance we’re gonna have to stay there.
Also, my mom introduced me and my sister to her boyfriend the other day and he seems great. He really wants to get to know some and my sister individually (something my dad didn’t even care to do) and he’s so nice to us and my mom. They’re talking about him moving in in a few months. So, even tho my dad’s a dick I guess this story still has a happy ending.