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'AITA for asking my family to split the costs of the cake for my sister’s second wedding?' UPDATED

'AITA for asking my family to split the costs of the cake for my sister’s second wedding?' UPDATED


"Would I be wrong to ask my family to split the costs of the cake for my sister’s second wedding reception?​​​​​"

Here's the original post:

My (31f) sister (35f) got married a few weeks ago in a beautiful wedding that my parents paid for. The wedding was held in a different state because it was close to my BIL’s hometown where most of his large family lives and it was also a reasonable distance from our extended family as well (my extended family lives on the East Coast, we live in the Midwest).

Because a lot of our friends that live in our state were unable to travel for the wedding, my mom decided to host a small reception that will be happening later this month. I am in my last year of law school and I’m also working a full time job. When my mom mentioned the idea for the second reception a few months ago. I immediately told her I wouldn’t be able to help (I helped plan my sister’s wedding)

but I volunteered to pay for the cake as a way of contributing. She said that was fine and she would begin planning as soon as the wedding was over. One thing led to another and I ended up doing 90% of the planning myself. Basically what would I happen is my mom would suggest an idea and ask me to research it. I would present her with my research and she would ask me to follow up with the vendor.

I would do that but by doing so, I inadvertently became the liaison between the vendor and my parents. The only thing my mom has done on her own is select the theme, the invitations and the decorations. I booked the venue, selected the menu, booked the entertainment, designed and ordered the invitations and as well as made the address labels for them.

My parents are still paying all of the costs. I just did the majority if the actual planning. Here’s the problem: in the last two months, I encountered three unexpected expenses that put about a $1200 hole in my finances. I even had to pay my rent late this month. By my estimations, I won’t be caught up until I receive my holiday bonus from my job in December.

Last year my bonus was $1300. The cake for my sister’s party is going to cost $300. I technically have the money but I’ll have almost have nothing left for the month after my bills are paid. Would it be wrong to ask my family to help with the cost? I feel bad for asking because I did volunteer to pay for it and my parents didn’t budget for it.

Also, my sister and BIL don’t live in our state so they have to pay for a flight and hotel the weekend of the party. At the same time, there wouldn’t be a party if it wasn’t for me doing all the work to plan it.

What do you think? Would it be wrong if she asked her family to help with the cost? This is what top commenters had to say:

justducky4now said:

No, and you wouldn’t be wrong for sending them an invoice for your time spent planning. I wouldn’t recommend it though unless you want a blow up. I would also tell them they need to pay for the whole cake since your offer of paying for it was contingent on the fact you wouldn’t do the planning yet they had you do most of the planning.

You need to find you back home OP or they will continue to take advantage of you. Also make it clear you won’t be setting up for or cleaning up after the wedding as you have more than done your part.

wlfwrtr said:

Chances are your mother will take it wrong. Just tell her that you are still willing to pay for cake but your budget for it is $$$. If she doesn't think that's enough, tell her that's what you have to spend. Chances are she'll volunteer to add money to it.

waitagoop said:

Sounds like your sister planned none of her own wedding? You need to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it or you’re going to wake up at 40 horribly burnt out and probably resentful of everyone.

Say you’re really sorry but you can’t afford the $300 cake, if your parents can pitch in that’d be really appreciated- mum you did nothing for the wedding and kinda owe me- or you’ll have to get them a much cheaper cake. You need to live ffs, she can do without such an expensive cake for her SECOND celebration!

Rhuthbarb said:

I would tell them that you had intended to pay but that you took so much time off work and studying to help with the main event that you now have to catch up. You simply don’t have the time or money to help with this one.

Mental-Freedom3929 said:

Dear mom, I do not have the money, unexpected expenses. Sorry about that. I donated a lot of my time and I am unable to pay for the cake. Really! 100% unable. Look at your finances! You have no reserve and emergency fund and decided to splurge on a 300.00 cake. This is financially unsound.

bunnymelly said:

They know exactly how much a wedding planner costs and they know they suckered you in for it for free. Just be upfront. You did all the legwork, but you cant shell out money for the cake anymore.

Verdict: NTA.

A month after her original post, she shared this update:

I followed that advice and it worked out better than I hoped it would. When I told my parents about my problem, they offered to pay for the cake without hesitation. They said it was nice of me to offer to pay for the cake but they don’t want me to do to if it would cause a financial strain.

My sister said we could just get a cake from the grocery store but my parents really wanted it to be a wedding cake and they didn’t mind paying the costs. In another surprising turn, my mom called me last week and asked me to explain in more detail exactly what was going on with my finances. I had been very caught when I told her I couldn’t pay for the cake ad she knew there was more to the story.

I told about the $1200 hole in my finances and she was really empathetic. She told me she would call me back and when she did and had my dad on speaker. They’re going to give me $1000 to help me out! They said they wish they could give more but it’s all they can do on short notice. I was absolutely shocked.

This experience has taught me that being a people pleaser only benefits the people around you. I’m finally learning that setting boundaries isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. I hope this story can encourage the other people pleasers out there that it’s ok to say no.

Sources: Reddit
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