"AITA for attending my best friend’s wedding?"
I (M28) have been with my partner (F26) for a year and a half. I’ve known one of my best friends (F27) for 5 years, and I’m also close with her fiancé (M27). They were some of the few friends I had when I first moved to a new city.
They’re getting married in another state, about an 8-hour trip from where I live now, and they asked me to be a groomsman. The issue is, my partner wasn’t invited. They told me it wasn’t personal, that other partners and even some extended family weren’t invited either due to budget and space limitations. Since they’ve only met my partner twice, she didn’t make the list.
I honestly wasn’t happy about it because I wanted her to be there with me. I even offered to cover all of her costs, but they said it wasn’t possible. They explained there’s a “waiting list," if someone drops out, she might get an invite. They apologized for the situation.
It took me a couple of days to tell my partner, but when I did, she surprised me. She said she understood, even if she was a bit upset. She even offered to come on the trip and stay in the hotel while I went to the wedding. I told her that would be really thoughtful, but it wasn’t necessary.
A few days later, she brought it up again. She said after talking to her friends, they suggested a compromise: I could go to the ceremony but skip the reception to be with her. I disagreed. I plan to spend my life with her, and we’ll have plenty of moments together.
But this wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event for close friends, and they specifically want me there to celebrate. I suggested we plan a special trip together afterward to make it up to her.
Now she says that when we get married, she doesn’t want to invite my friend and her fiancé, kind of as payback for the situation. But I don’t feel that way. To me, if I can’t invite two of my five closest friends, then what’s the point of even having a wedding?
I know my partner has every right to be upset, and she’s under no obligation to sit around while I go to an event she’s excluded from. But AITA for wanting to attend the wedding fully and still planning to invite my friend and her fiancé to my own future wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
steinerific said:
If someone is important enough to be asked to be part of the wedding party, they are important enough for a +1. Period, end of story. This is basic etiquette. If you say you don’t have room or can’t afford it or some other BS excuse, you are planning your wedding wrong.
Odd_Task8211 said:
ESH. You are in the wedding party - that should have gotten you a plus one. Your partner offered to travel with you and stay at the hotel during the wedding. You shot that down for no good reason. Now your partner wants to be spiteful and keep 2 of your best friends from your wedding. Nobody here is exactly covering themselves with glory.
IHaveBoxerDogs said:
ESH. And I mean everyone. Your “best friends” who think it’s okay to invite a groomsman who has to travel 8 hours but not his serious girlfriend. You for saying yes. Your GF for already planning to use your wedding as revenge, and her friends for sticking their noses in where they didn’t belong.
ScaredCatLady said:
YTA for not agreeing with your GF’s suggestion that she accompany you even if she didn’t attend the wedding. She tried to take a bad situation and make it better and you shut her down. I’d be salty and not want that couple at my wedding after that BS too.
Kami_Sang said:
YTA for this - what's the point of having a wedding if you can't invite them. You've got to be kidding. The point of a wedding is to get married to the person you view as your life partner. It's not about your friends.
Also, if they are showing that they don't care to be inclusive of her notwithstanding how close you supposedly are to them, why should she invite people who are disinterested in her to her wedding?
Your attitude of why have a wedding if you can't invite your closest friends is bs. Also, how close are you if they won't include someone you've been with for 1.5 years?
ReadySettyGoey said:
ESH. Your friends are rude as hell and it’s pretty understandable that your partner doesn’t want to invite them to your eventual wedding given the level of disrespect. That being said, going to the ceremony and not the reception is a silly compromise - if you’re traveling all that way you should just go to both.
Personally I would probably prioritize my partner and decline the invite, especially since it involves travel. That would likely destroy the friendship, but I don’t stay friends with people who are incredibly rude to my life partner. But it’s up to you and your priorities.