'AITA for bailing on my brother's wedding last minute over his bullying of our brother?' BIG UPDATES

"AITA for bailing on my brother's wedding last minute?"

I [29F] have been working as a wedding planner for about 6 years now. Last year, my brother (B) [29M] has asked me to plan his wedding for him, and as his sister I was happy to do so for free. Everything was going pretty well until maybe a week and a half before the wedding, when B told me to remove our little brother (J) [24M] from the guest list.

I tried asking him why but the only answer he would give me is that J was "being stubborn and selfish". Of course, I had to ask J about this, apparently B showed up at his apartment and offered to "let J attend the wedding as long as he doesn't act so gay". J of course took offense to that and told B to eff off, probably leading him to calling me and uninviting him.

B has always been harsh to J, he's the type of manly man that despises anything feminine, so when J came out to us B's bullying got worse and worse, leading to there being a pretty big rift between them. I've been trying to get the two of them to work out their differences but B won't even try and hear out what J has to say to him.

I decided that uninviting J to the wedding was the last straw and that I'm not gonna keep helping B if he's gonna continue to act like an @$$hole to our own little brother. So I sent B all the info for everything I planned at that point, the contacts for the venue, the catering, decorations, everything. Then I told him that if he's gonna keep treating J like $h!t then he should plan his own wedding because I'm not going to.

B told everyone that I bailed on him last second, and that the wedding would have to be postponed because of me. As you'd expect, people were mad, relatives were bombarding me about how important this would be for B, and how I'm ruining an important milestone in his and his girlfriend's life.

When I tried to explain myself I got people telling me that I shouldn't have done something so drastic over a petty squabble between brothers. AITA?

She later shared this update:

It's been about 5 days since B told our family I bailed on him, and a few new things have popped up. Mainly, B's fiancee has told everyone that it was her who decided to postpone the wedding, and it's not because they couldn't finish planning.

She said that "this current situation with J has brought up some past issues in their relationship" and that she needs more time to talk to B about it and reflect before fully commiting to marrying him. One of the few times I've ever seen B express vulnerability is with his fiancee, I'm hoping that she can be the one to talk some sense back into him, and hopefully even talk through his hatred of J.

I've seen some comments say that B coming to J's apartment to invite him shows that B really does care about him being there, I thought I should at least tell J that, even if it may be untrue. His response was "appreciate the sentiment, but B has never given me any incentive to be a part of his life. If he really did care about me then his invite wouldn't be attached to an insult but instead to an apology "

Then, months later, she shared this second major update:

After B's fiancee's (G) [29F] announcement, the drama died down a bit. I was a little concerned because both her and B were completely silent for a good month, no texts, no calls, it was like they disappeared. During this time I took the advice of some commenters and apologized to my J for trying to force a better relationship between him and B, and for brushing off the bullying that B put him through.

He said that he forgives me, but I still want to work on being a better sister. A few weeks ago I got a message from G asking if we could meet at a restaurant and if I could bring J with me. I asked why, especially after all the silence, and she told me that her and B wanted to talk.

I informed J about this, I wanted to know what was going on so I was gonna go, but I told him that he didn't have to go with me if he didn't want to. He told me that he thinks he'll be able to handle it, and if B still treats him the same he'll just leave.

Me and J went together, when we got there I could sense that B was feeling nervous. He looked like he was about to cry. Me and G started the conversation with just catching up with each other on what's been happening since we last met. At some point though, B cracked, he took a deep breath and looked at G.

B started a speech about how we grew up and my mind was racing trying to figure out where this was going, until suddenly I just heard the words "I'm bisexual" and everything cleared up. B went on to talk about how he's felt he needed to hide this his whole life, he was envious towards J for being able to express himself so openly, which led him to start bullying J and pushing him deeper and deeper into the closet.

It ended with him apologizing to J and asking for forgiveness. J was quiet for this whole talk until he felt it was his turn to speak. He said "B, I hear you, I know where you're coming from, I understand where you're coming from but none of that excuses the sh!t you've put me through since we were teens. I can and will try to forgive you, but it's going to take a lot of effort on your end"

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur for me (there was alcohol involved) but I do recall B and J cry-hugging by the end, which I was very glad to see. J says that there's still a bit of awkwardness between the two of them, but with time he thinks he might just see B as his nice older brother again.

As for the wedding, it's back on but with an undecided date as of right now, and yes J is going to be allowed in this time, he can even bring his boyfriend along with him. B's even decided to have J be a groomsman and told him "you can act as gay as you want J", which I don't think is the best thing to say but I like the sentiment.