"AITA for banning guests from our bathroom?"
I'm 34F, married to 35M for 6 years. We'd been living in a 2 bed 1 bath for the past 6 years and just moved to a 3/2. I'm currently pregnant, and my husband said he'd like to move to a 3/2 for more space so we could host family and friends.
I agreed, and one of the things I was excited about was having an en suite bathroom for our bedroom. Unfortunately we didn't find a place with an in suite, but we found a really nice 3/2 rental house. The 2 bathrooms are side by side, and one of them is right next to our bedroom.
I talked to my husband about how I wanted some more privacy now that we finally have a bigger place and especially if we are going to host more often. And ESPECIALLY during my postpartum period when I will be needing some extra supplies and such.
So maybe we could tell guests that they have one bathroom and the other is just for us. He said he was a little uncomfortable saying that, but eventually agreed. This was a couple of weeks ago.
We just had friends over for one night this weekend, and when he was showing them around, he made a big show about how there are two bathrooms and it's so amazing that two people can use the bathroom at the same time now. So of course immediately the guests took us up on the offer.
After they left, I asked why he did that. He said that he was happy to tell people the bathroom was private during my postpartum period but he felt uncomfortable doing it before or after then. He thinks it's weird and I'm being selfish.
I've tried to make the guest bathroom really nice by providing extra toiletries (razors, face wash, makeup remover, q-tips, lotion, nail files, toothbrushes, mini toothpastes, etc.). I don't really see the problem with just telling people "this is your bathroom, this is our bathroom."
And if someone really has to go while another person is in the guest bathroom, I'm not going to make a bit fuss about it. I just don't want to introduce the idea off the bat. So, AITA for claiming one of the bathrooms as just ours?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
florida_lmt said:
Your husband is the ahole. I don't allow guests in my bathroom either. Nobody ever closes the lid before flushing its disgusting and I don't want them spraying my personal items on the counter with toilet water flushing with the toilet open.
InspectionPrudent563 said:
Nta, the biggest issue here is your husband ignoring your comfort levels and your request. The space is yours as well as his. It affects him not even at all to just tell people “this is our bathroom and this is the guest bathroom” he doesn’t need to make it weird or give a long explanation.
Just one sentence. You aren’t wrong for wanting to keep your bathroom private, you aren’t being selfish. And your husband is in the wrong not because he disagrees with you, but because he unilaterally made this decision and went against what he knew you wanted.
I would discuss this with him and I would try to make sure this is taken care of he and he realizes that your wants and needs can’t just be trampled over cause he feels differently on something. You’re also supposed to be a partnership and he shouldn’t be making those decisions on his own, particularly if he knows the topic at hand is one you care about.
Pendragenet said:
NTA. I don't have an ensuite but there is "my bathroom" and then there is "the bathroom." It is perfectly reasonable to want to have one bathroom where you can keep your stuff out without worrying it looks messy, etc. I've always just said "here's the bathroom" and shown guests the one to use. If someone asks at some point "is there another bathroom I can use", then I'd direct them to the other.
ciavv said:
NTA, it is extremely normal for one bathroom to be designated for guests, and the other as your personal bathroom (especially if it’s in YOUR room). I’d be concerned that your husband is in such a rush to ignore your requests and boundaries. Like, as soon as your postpartum period is over you suddenly don’t need privacy? why does he insist that your guests take priority over your needs and wants?
PictureThis987 said:
NTA. If you usually only have a couple of people over at a time it is reasonable that you keep one super tidy and ready for guests and the other one just for you and your husband. Keep your bathroom's door closed so the other one is obviously "The Bathroom."
To be honest though, unless the guests are staying overnight, keeping the guest bathroom stocked with all of the products you mentioned will make it look pretty cluttered unless it's in inside the vanity and you tell them to help themselves.
JipC1963 said:
NTA but you should tell your husband that it's HIS responsibility to clean BOTH bathrooms after guests leave. Also, get a key locking doorknob for the bathroom you wish to designate as your PRIVATE bathroom and keep it locked when guests come over. BTW - a second bathroom is quite a ridiculous thing to BOAST about. Your husband is the AH!
Own-Letterhead-4354 said:
Honestly, it’s really a bummer that your husband is ignoring your needs here. Personally, I would put a sign on the guest bathroom door that says guests or something like that. But the bigger issue is your husband just completely ignoring your needs.
EllenMoyer said:
NTA. Guests do NOT use their host’s primary bathroom!! Your husband is clueless, and your guests are rude! Tell your guests that your bathroom is off limits unless there is an emergency!