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'AITA for being honest about disliking my nephew's name?' 'We always swore we'd be honest.'

'AITA for being honest about disliking my nephew's name?' 'We always swore we'd be honest.'

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"AITA for being honest about disliking my nephew's name?"

My sister gave birth to my nephew in January and she gave him a name that I dislike which is Philip. The two of us have always been so so close and we always swore we would be honest with each other when asked. That has always been our relationship.

We feel it keeps us close and stops hard feelings because if we don't want to hear something we just don't ask. There has never been a time I didn't want her honesty so I will ask her anything looking for an honest answer. My sister is a little more sensitive, which there's nothing wrong with that but I get her not asking everything if she feels like it would hurt her feelings.

She asked me what I thought of the name because I was the only one who didn't comment about loving the name, according to her. And I'm not saying every single person she meets compliments the name. Just that those in her and her husband's circle did. So 2/3 weeks after my nephew was born she asked me if I didn't like his name. She said my reaction was very muted and it made her wonder.

So I was honest and told her I didn't like the name but reassured her I love my nephew very much. She asked some more questions that I answered honestly and I was even open about names I would use for my future child when asked. My sister made a joke that it was weird to find a topic we were so opposite on (our taste in names) but she was glad we had talked.

I didn't think anything more of it and then a week and a half ago my sister's husband made a sarcastic remark that he was surprised I would spend money on such a nice gift for my nephew (I ordered a custom blanket for him) that has his name on it when I don't even like the name. My sister told him to stop and apologized to me for his reaction. He grumbled and she grumbled back at him.

Then he got me alone and told me I had made my sister cry when I told her I disliked my nephew's name. He asked me how I would like it if she said that to me and I told him I would expect her to be honest if she did dislike the name I pick for my future kids and I asked her the question. I said we don't lie to each other and it's been that way since we were kids.

He said he had no idea what kind of name I would like if I dislike Philip and if I dislike the middle name too but it takes a special kind of sh$tty person to tell a new parent they dislike the name they chose for their kid. And he said I broke my sister's heart which should make me so ashamed.

I spoke to my sister after that and apologized for upsetting her. She wanted to know where I learned it, but answered herself before she finished the question. She apologized to me and admitted she was upset but that she should have known better than to ask the question, that I didn't go out of my way to give feedback on the name and she knows herself better than that. She apologized for her husband again and told me not to listen. But then her husband reached out again and told me my sister is trying to spare my feelings. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Comfortable-Sea-2454 said:

I'm going with NTA. Your sister kept asking questions and you gave calm, honest answers. Your sister is not upset with you but her husband seems to be determined to cause problems.

"Then he got me alone and told me I had made my sister cry when I told her I disliked my nephew's name. He asked me how I would like it if she said that to me and I told him I would expect her to be honest if she did dislike the name I pick for my future kids and I asked her the question. I said we don't lie to each other and it's been that way since we were kids."

This was between you and your sister. "She apologized for her husband again and told me not to listen. But then her husband reached out again and told me my sister is trying to spare my feelings." He is deliberately stirring the pot.

Less_Ordinary_8516 said:

NTA. Tell the BIL to quit attacking you about this. You apologized to your sister, and you love your nephew. Tell her because you love him you are growing to love the name. It won't kill you to lie and quit the drama!

chaserscarlet said:

NTA your sister even said it herself, she shouldn’t have asked if she didn’t want the truth as that’s the relationship you have. You are making an effort to embrace the name, and you’ve apologized for any hurt feelings. Her husband is being a major AH at this point, especially for going behind his wife’s back multiple times to attack you. My bet is it was his name suggestion and he’s personally hurt and attacking you for it.

If he tries to bring it up again I would immediately shut him down and say you’re not continuing this conversation with him, and if your sister has an issue she can bring it up herself.

ladyxochi said:

NAH. Important point I'd like to bring across: It's okay to be upset by something someone has said. It's okay to cry. And then you deal with the disappointment and continue your life. Looks like your sister did that but her husband isn't. Your sister needs to accept (if she hasn't already) that not everyone loves the name. And that's okay. You've shown you love your nephew and you've accepted the name (not that you need to) by giving that blanket. I really don't see a problem... Except...

BIL needs to get over it himself. BIL needs to accept that sometimes stuff happens that upsets his wife. It's his job to comfort her and help her deal with it, preferably without blaming others.

Competitive_Fact6030 said:

Soft YTA. Yea honesty is good, but it's not always necessary. The kid already has that name, it does literally no good for you to tell her you dont like it. You couldve just lied and said its a nice name and nobody would get their feelings hurt. Philip isnt even a weird name, theres no reason to express a dislike for it, especially since this wasnt a baby name discussion pre-birth, its his permanent name now.

The soft Yta because she did ask you, although you shouldve known better than to outright say you disliked it. Also honestly youre kind of an asshole for acting in a way that made her realise you didnt like the name. Its one thing to secretly thing a name is bad, its another to act weird and make the mother notice you dislike it.

Caiti42 said:

NTA - but she's two months post-partum, a new parent, super hormonal, not sleeping and probably feeling attacked about everything like most new mothers do.

fakegermanchild said:

What exactly stopped you from just saying it’s not a name you’d have chosen for your own kid but that it’s a good name (it objectively is) and it suits him? Unless you got bullied or cheated on by a Philip and your sister knew…YTA.

The opinions were fairly divided for this one, but most people were on OP's side. What's your advice for these siblings?

Sources: Reddit
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