'AITA for being honest that we didn't enjoy our wedding and wish we eloped?' 'It was a year of stress.'
"AITA for being honest that we didnt enjoy our wedding and wish we eloped?"
My wife and I got married about 3 weeks ago. I love her and have no regrets marrying her but we both massively regret having a traditional wedding when we both wanted to elope.
We ended up not eloping due to family pressure, mostly from her parents who made her feel bad being their only daughter and potentially "denying them the chance to see their daughter get married" and said she'd regret having "her moment." In actuality it seemed they just wanted to have their moment.
The last year was so full of unnecessary drama and while each of our parents contributed to paying for the wedding, we still ended up putting a lot up ourselves. Everything just kept getting more and more expensive. Not that we expected to get a ton in wedding gifts, but the cash gifts we got did not make up for what we paid.
Overall it was a year of stress, a bunch of drama over things like who should be in the wedding party/invited to the wedding, and all the wedding drama I always heard about. The actual day of wasn't fun either. Both of us get mild social anxiety - big part of why both of us wanted to elope - and it was as bad as we expected it to be.
We got back from our Honeymoon Thursday and this weekend we were at her parents' house for Father's day. They really wanted to pat themselves on the back for convincing us to do the traditional wedding and kept making comments like "see wasn't that so much fun!"
At first we'd politely agree and try to change the subject but I kinda broke towards the end of the night when they made a suggestion that we disgreed with and my MIL said "oh honey, of course it's your decision but just remember I was right about the wedding and I think I'm right about this."
I just lost it and then told them all about how much we hated the experience, they asked my wife if it's true and she broke down and said it's 100% true, she hated the whole experience.
We left shortly after but then this morning her dad calls me saying how rude I was and how he wants me to go over there to apologize to his wife in person. I don't think that I should, but just wanted to get some outside perspective.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FuzzyMom2005 said:
NTA. Your parents bullied you into something they wanted and made you pay for it in more ways than one. They pulled the 'do it for the family' card, didn't they?
You don't need to apologize. Notice how your FIL isn't asking his daughter to apologize? They're still playing the blame game. What about your parents? I hope they regret their part in this too.
I wouldn't be surprised if your wife breaks down and apologizes anyway. Just be prepared for more bullying if and when you decide to have kids. Their names, who will watch them, the gifts, the baby shower. It never ends unless you put the boundaries up now.
pjeans said:
NTA. You extended grace to your family by staying quiet, which was very kind. There's only so much you can take, though. They kept pushing for validation that they were right, and it was absolutely time to let them know that they were wrong about a big wedding being a good idea.
It seems that your relationship still has the lopsided parent/young child dynamic, where the child needs to defer to the parent. They just got a taste of a balanced parent/adult child relationship. Demanding an apology sounds like an attempt to keep their power dynamic.
You can apologize for an outburst if there was one, or for any personal insult that came with your comments, but no need to apologize for not liking your wedding. They owe you an apology for forcing their way upon your wedding.
Own-Whereas-7420 said:
NTA, see this is why y'all should’ve put your foot down from the start and not had a wedding. All that money wasted on an event yall didn’t enjoy.
1962Michael said:
NTA. Please DO NOT apologize. I mean you can apologize if you cursed or yelled in their house, but do not apologize for your own real feelings EVER. I think it's interesting that they want YOU to apologize but not their daughter. It's like they decided no matter what she said, she really liked the wedding and was just backing you up. Because she probably hasn't had the guts to stand up to them before.
burningsands06 said:
NTA! Ask him what you should apologize for. They should be the one apologizing.
Playful_Mousse6605 said:
NTA - You did the right thing. You were steamrolled into getting g the wedding and they were trying to use that to show how they would be right again. Yes they might be hurt by the outburst but hopefully it can serve to reset your relationship so in the long run you are Listened to and heard.