'AITA for being pissed off that my husband once again made plans for us to spend Mother's Day with his mom?'
"AITA for being pissed off that my husband once again made plans for us to spend mother's day with his mom?"
I've been with my husband for 7 years. For the first 3 years of our relationship his mother lived in Canada so we didn't see her often. After that, she moved back to our home state (NJ). Her birthday is 2 weeks before mother's day and we ALWAYS end up bringing her out for her birthday and my husband, despite us not being able to afford it, treats her to a meal.
And then on mother's day, same thing. Let's her pick the restaurant and we go treat her to a meal. For the past two years I have told my husband that I'm honestly fed up with doing this. I told him that we should be considering her birthday dinner to be apart of her mother's day gift since it's so close to the same date and that for once, I would like him to give me a special mother's day.
Last year I was so upset about it because all he got for me on mother's Day was $12 storage bins for our kitchen and then we shipped right off to go treat his mom to an $120 meal. He said this year he would make sure my mother's day was special. Well, he was online searching for a gift for his mother for mother's day, so I assumed that was going to be the only thing he did for her this year (he typically doesn't buy her gifts and just brings her out to eat).
The necklace he ended up getting her was $130 ish, because he had it engraved. But this morning she calls him and he said "well, start planning where you want to go out to eat on mother's day so I can plan ahead" and I just immediately felt gutted. I loaded up the kids and went to the playground.
He called me 20 minutes later and asked where I had went so I told him I went to the playground. He asked which one and said he would come down and I told him I wanted space. When he asked why, I told him it was because once again he's doing sh#t for his mom on mother's day, on top of already getting her an expensive gift, so I know for a fact I'm going to be left in the dust per usual and I was extremely hurt that he told me it wouldn't happen this year and he went against that.
He tried arguing that it's "for both of us" but she literally gets choice of the restaurant every single time and I'm basically ignored the entire time I'm there and left to deal with the kids while he's chatting it up with his mother. I could understand if she wasn't around often and this was their chance to reconnect but she's here nearly every other day. He says I'm being ridiculous and said "how do you know I didn't plan something for you too?"
So I asked him if he had and he said "well no, but I can." I told him to forget about it and in a petty rage, stated that I will just get over it and accept being an afterthought and hung up. I then called up my girlfriend's and we made a plan to all go out on mother's day (I haven't been out in over a year).
Well, I just got home and my husband said he had something in mind that I might enjoy and I told him not to bother, as he and his mom will be in charge of the kids for the day and that I would be treating myself to a girls day. He is now saying I'm wrong because I "didn't give him a chance". AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Emotional-Pilot-4811 said:
NTA. You voiced your concerns several times and he continues to favor the celebration of his own mother instead of the mother of his children. He should 100% be prioritizing you. Good for you for making spa day plans with your girlfriend on your own. Stick with them. You proactively made plans because he did not make any with you.
You even asked him if he made plans and he said “well, no” so he has no right to say you didn’t give him a chance. He can spend time with his mom and his mom can see her son and grandchildren on Mother’s Day. He can (and should) still make it up to you by doing something special the day before or buying you a special gift. Either way, you won’t be waiting around on Mother’s Day since you now have plans. Enjoy yourself!
theworldisonfire8377 said:
NTA, you gave him several years of "chances" for him to do something that makes you feel special too, and he failed miserably. Enjoy your Mother's Day with your friends and your littles. Also tell your husband he can expect the same amount of energy and thought go into Father's Day, and his birthday, and any other special occasion. He might get the drift.
Valuable-Spare-7164 said:
NTA and good for you for the girl's day mother's day plan, I love it! Do not back down. Your husband is being a d-k to you. He's had 7 years worth of chances and failed every single one even this year when he specifically promised you he wouldn't fail you. He also sounds whiney, so ew.
Chaoticgood790 said:
NTA but why are you married to a selfish loser and do you want to do this for the next 30-40 years? Think about it now. I cannot imagine making my partner feel like an afterthought on a day to celebrate them. Yikes.
RavenclawEC said:
NTA, you have gone along with this plans for years and, have expressed you were not happy and wanted to do something different, and, despite this, he ignored your feelings and was planning on doing the same this year again...Good for you for arranging something for yourself to enjoy with your girlfriends! Have fun!
Laquila said:
NTA. You're a mother too. And you're still actively mothering. Sure, MIL is a mom as well, but she shouldn't be The Priority, and you, as you so well put it, The Afterthought. Your husband should be organizing things for you, with your kids because kids can't do that themselves while they are young. That's the way we did it. Husband would organize the gifts and events with our kids, and as they got older they could help with the organizing.
Your husband is showing your kids that you're not that special on Mother's Day, which is the whole point of Mother's Day. Hubby's enmeshed with his mommy and she sounds like a jerk too. If I were your MIL, I'd tell my son to make sure his wife gets to feel special on Mother's Day. Don't bother doing anything for Father's Day. Let him see how that feels.