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Couple contemplates cutting ties with friend after obituary prank; 'you're sick.' AITA?

Couple contemplates cutting ties with friend after obituary prank; 'you're sick.' AITA?


"AITA for being upset about a joke obituary?"


I have recently been struggling a lot personally with family issues and grief and do not know if I am overreacting. I received a letter in the mail from a good friend which, when opened, was an obituary for her husband who is also a friend of mine.

It was very realistic, the only thing suggesting anything was amiss was the death date being in the future, which I figured could have been a typo. Honestly, the details hardly registered as I skimmed the announcement for any indication that it was a joke.

Finding none, I broke down shaking and in tears for my friends, their children and in shock at the sudden nature of his death. My partner read the obituary several times and the incorrect death date gave me hope it was a joke and possibly an invitation for his upcoming birthday.

My partner and I both went to sleep upset and in the morning, I messaged my friend to see how she was doing and in that conversation it came out that the obituary was, in fact, a joke and a birthday party invitation. I was relieved but still emotional.

My friend said that some people couldn't take the joke and one person is so upset about it they are unlikely to ever speak to her again. I commented that I could understand why they were upset, though it would be sad to lose a friend.

As I went through the day and thought about it more, I could not shake how upset I was and how badly it made me feel. So I reached back out to my friend to say how much it affected me and that I think it was in poor taste and would have had a negative impact on anyone who had lost loved ones unexpectedly.

My friend's response started with "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then went on to say that if I could believe it was really an obituary, I must not be a very good friend or someone who spends enough time with them.

She asked why I would think she would reach out if something really had happened to her husband because I have not reached out to her about my current struggles and that she has tried so hard to have and keep friends over the years but nobody cares about her so she's done trying to be part of their lives(apparently me included.)

I tried to point out that I do try to be a friend. I reach out at least every couple of months, I saw them just before the holidays, sent gifts, reached out on birthdays and holidays since and just with fun things that reminded me of her.

She kept doubling down and said that if I didn't like the obituary joke, I just shouldn't come to the party. I'm worried this is going to end our friendship and don't know what I should do. So, AITA for being upset about this "joke" and letting her know how it made me feel?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA at all. Especially since it seems like you weren't the only one -- that's a good indication that the invite was as realistic as you say, and that it affected others and made them concerned and sad, only to realize they had been tricked.

Your friend owes you (and everyone else who was upset) a sincere apology and acknowledgement of how she made you all feel. We've all made jokes that didn't land and wound up rubbing someone the wrong way or hurting their feelings. That's understandable.

But we apologize when we realize the unintended impact. Instead, she tried to make up a bunch of excuses and deflect responsibility. So if you decide you don't want to be this person's friend, it's not because she made a tasteless joke; it's because she doesn't have the maturity or empathy level to recognize the impact it had on you and others.


Ummm just don't go. You can't control what she does. You've already reached out and got your answer. Obviously there was someone else upset, and also alot of others not upset that are going to party.

If that date was in future I think it was Obviously not real. If she's such a good friend I think the point you'd find out some other way besides a random piece od mail is valid. NTA unless you call for third time and keep making it all about you. You guys flat disagree.


I think NAH. I don’t for a second believe that your friend sent these invites with the intention that ppl would be tricked into believing her husband really died. I don’t believe this was a prank.

I believe your friend thought it was completely obvious to be a birthday invitation. So she’s not TA. You were triggered by the invite. And found it in poor taste. That doesn’t make you the AH either.


youre NTA especially since she thought a joke like that was really going to be taken lightly by everyone she sent it to so if anything shes the AH. if she didn't see your side of things and why it made you upset maybe you shouldn't go to the party because im pretty sure shes just going to continue to say something about it ignoring how upset it made you feel.


NTA. Your friend is being a massive jerk. The obituary was thoughtless, but doubling down on it to yell at you and disinvite you from the party is, like, epic AH behavior.

It's possible that she's having mental health/mood problems and this is a cry for help ("we will die soon, and you don't even CARE ABOUT ME!!!!"). It's up to you whether you want to feel sympathetic or annoyed, whether you want to cater to her or just let her go, but she is definitely the one acting the AH here.

So, do you think the OP overreacted to a joke or was this fake obituary just in poor taste? What would you have done?

Sources: Reddit
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