Yesterday, I (28F) went to work at 7.00 am and didn’t get back till 7.00 pm - I didn’t get chance to have anything to eat or drink all day due to being non-stop busy. My boyfriend (29M) texted to say he had got me dinner and everything was sorted. When I got home, he had got me a sandwich, a samosa, and two cookies.
Today, I was at work for the same amount of time. I managed to have a soft drink and a chocolate bar. I came back home and he had got me some pasta and jacket potatoes. I am absolutely starving and said we’d have pasta, but then realised he hadn’t brought any pesto so I didn’t really fancy plain pasta.
My boyfriend wanted jacket potatoes but they’re going to take an hour and I didn’t want to wait that long. I suggested pizza for a quick meal, but again, he wanted jacket potatoes. He was asking what my problem is. I lost my temper and told him to go home because I don’t have the energy to deal with him. I am so exhausted, all I wanted was to relax and have dinner.
AITA because I was upset he didn’t cook me dinner? He had bought food with his own money. He hasn’t had any work this weekend - he’s been at my house all day chilling. All I was looking forward to was a cooked meal. He told me I’m an ungrateful brat and he’s gone back to his mom’s now. I’m in bed crying and can’t bring myself to eat.
Edit:
There was no food in as we’d just returned back from holiday on Friday evening. I’d driven us the 4 hours back and didn’t have the energy to go to the shops.
I was crazy busy with work on Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday he texted to say he had dinner sorted- it was a store bought sandwich and samosa. On Sunday, I’d texted to suggest pasta and he said he’ll pop to the shops and sort it. I texted him to say I was 5 mins away and if he could put a pan on the hob to boil.
When I got in, he was on the sofa playing Pokémon - but said he hadn’t seen my text. No food was cooked- there was just a box of pasta and potatoes in the fridge. If he’d have actually cooked the pasta, then of course I would have just eaten it, but he hasn’t cooked anything. He’d bought the ingredients- which I said I’d pay him for.
We’ve been together four years and he treats my home like his on the weekends- I am happy for him to eat whatever he wants from the kitchen even thought he doesn’t pay towards it. He is on a very healthy salary, so it wasn’t a case that he couldn’t afford to buy a pasta sauce - he just thought plain pasta was okay.
Janeishly wrote:
Get up, get groceries, batch cook yourself enough food to do the whole week, and if - as you suggest in your post - it's *your* house, when he comes back ask for the keys and tell him he's no longer required. You don't need that kind of child in your life. NTA. But he is.
OP responded:
He’s left the keys now…so I probably won’t need to worry about feeding the two of us anymore.
Accomplished_Ad2747 wrote:
Why are you not managing your food? Do you always starve yourself all day and turn yourself into a hangry dragon? Or is this new and a reaction to having the boyfriend over?
Honestly, I think this is on you (YTA) - you need to start eating a proper breakfast and you need to have an after work snack prepared, particularly if you aren’t going to sort out some sort of food into your work schedule. A boyfriend isn’t a live in maid anymore than a girlfriend is - and you totally blew your top at someone who was cooking you dinner.
OP responded:
We’ve just come back from a trip which I’d organised for NYE. To be fair, it’s on me for not having groceries in - I’d been too busy with work upon returning so the fridge wasn’t full like it usually is. The issue was he wasn’t cooking- he wanted me to do it with ingredients missing.
AHBS3 wrote:
ESH. You do come across as a spoiled brat. And if you have zero time to eat during a 12 hour day, you are doing a terrible job of managing your work manager. That said, boyfriend sounds like a bumbling buffoon. Dry pasta? Not thinking to put the jacket potatoes in the oven an hour before you were due to get home? He is an AH too.
RamonaAstone wrote:
ESH. Buying the ingredients but expecting you to prepare them isn't having dinner sorted. But it's also your own responsibility to feed yourself throughout the day.
UteLawyer wrote:
NTA. You're not your boyfriend's personal chef. Just because he buys you ingredients, it doesn't mean you are required to cook it for him, especially after working all day.
INFO:
"I came back home and he had got me some pasta and jacket potatoes."
Does this mean he purchased the ingredients for these dishes and expected you to cook, or does this mean he actually cooked these dishes and you're upset because the pasta didn't have pesto?
OP responded:
He wanted me to cook. He bought the ingredients- which I am happy to pay for, but just didn’t have the energy to cook after a crazy work weekend.
JohnGradyBirdie wrote:
YTA. You’re an adult. You need to learn how to feed yourself by preparing meals in advance. You can also order you own food for delivery. And you need to find time to eat at work. Why don’t you have any breaks? There must be employment laws in your city or state (if you’re in the USA) that mandate breaks.
Poekienjin wrote:
ESH. He sucks because it would have been such an easy thing to just have dinner ready. But you should have communicated better. If you wanted to have dinner ready you should have told him. Also: what was stopping you from having pizza?