'AITA for blocking a colleague from using my private office toilet since she leaves a mess?' UPDATED 4X

"AITA for blocking a colleague from using the toilet?"

I work in a hospital in an administrative corridor. It's in the middle of nowhere in the hospital (as in not a lot of foot traffic from staff or patients) as a result there is a single toilet on our corridor to cover our 5 offices. The door to the toilet is opposite my office door.

We all go on break and lunch together 90% of the time leaving the corridor empty for 30-50mins. We started noticing every now and then that someone was using the toilet while we were out. In itself not a problem but the smell and occasional mess (wasn't always fully flushed or blocked) was awful. There's no windows so no way to dissipate the smell and air freshener was irritating.

Over the last few months it's been happening more and more regularly it can be three times a week or twice in one day sometimes. We have no idea who is doing it and there's no pattern to it, also no one really wants to confront the culprit if we did see them so we were just living with it, gross as it is.

Two weeks ago all but one of us went on break and a patient wandered into the corridor, was acting strangely and blocked the colleague in her office, she was pretty shaken up but thankfully we do have panic buttons in our offices. Afterward, I submitted a request for a lock on the corridor it's one of those key code ones and a bell.

It's mildly annoying but we get very little traffic outside mail and a few Drs so it's not like we constantly have to let people in. It got installed on Wednesday last week and Friday I got an email from one the medical secretaries (who works on a different floor) asking for the code to our corridor. I responded why would she need it? Immediately my phone rings.

She explains she has bowel issues that she takes laxatives for and the toilet on our corridor is one of the only single cubical toilets in the hospital and it has the most privacy so she will be stuck without it. Where I might be the AH. I told her I was sorry but I didn't think we would be giving the code to any non-necessary staff and hung up.

The office is a bit mixed. Most are glad we won't have to deal with the stink she leaves behind but one girl thinks we are being needlessly cruel and it's not the reason we have the lock, so we shouldn't gate keep a toilet, and one is flip flopping. I do feel bad for her BUT she was making our work environment seriously unpleasant on a regular basis.

So AITA?

TL;DR I may be TAH for refusing to give the code for our corridor door to a member of staff from a different department meaning she can no longer use our toilet.

Not long after posting, OP shared two small updates.

Edit to add: It is hospital policy that areas where patient data are held are necessary staff access only. So I do not have access to any of the wards but I can access day surgery because it's relevant to my job. Her job in no way gives her any reason to be on our corridor so from a data security POV it doesn't matter that we are both employees.

Edit 2: I had an email from HR yesterday and a brief call with them today. They've had a report of b-llying. They were vague on details but after the call she was so upset she had to go home early. It sounds like her manager has pushed for the complaint to be made. I didn't bring up the toilet or asking for the code with HR on the call.

I just explained that I received an email and a brief call on Friday from someone in that department but to my knowledge this is the extent of our interactions. They didn't ask about the contents of the call and I didn't offer any additional information. I'm going to speak to my union rep just in case this gets escalated but I'm hoping she won't want to get into it and we can all just move on!

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

tinyd71 wrote:

If your colleague had been deemed to need access to your corridor, she'd have been given the code when the lock was installed, like you and your other colleagues were.

There are other toilet options available. NTA.

OP responded:

If she were to apply to be given it through security (the official channel) she would likely be declined because she has no business there. I feel for her but we keep our toilet nice and she often does not leave it as she found it.

We are also up a floor at the opposite end of the building if we were the closest to her office I think she might have an argument but it's a 10min round trip easily just to get here and back.

Candylandcanada wrote:

NTA.

It's not your place to give the code out to employees who don't have business in your geographical area. The woman with the medical issues needs an accommodation, so she should address it with her supervisor.

Your colleagues have no place to call you cruel, because they didn't receive the call, so they won't be on the hook for giving out the *security* code inappropriately. Imagine if you did that then something bad happened. This isn't about emotions; it's about safety and security in a hospital setting. Surely the hospital will treat that woman's needs with care.

OP responded:

Hypothetically we should have had a lock all along because we handle patients information but it was a trial service that got made permanent and so out the way it was missed. When I applied they were like oh shit you don't already have that!

National_Pension_110 wrote:

NTA for several reasons: 1. The woman has been secretly using your toilet when you all are out and has been leaving it reeking and filthy. She has not been a good colleague. 2. Your team member who says to let her in probably doesn’t have her office door across from the toilet.

3. There are plenty of toilets available for the woman so it’s not like you’re leaving her with nowhere to go. NOW I would contact facilities have have them install a real vent fan in the bathroom—there should be one there anyway.

And, you can speak to the woman and say if you grant her access she has to clean up after herself and spray air freshener, that would hopefully dissipate by the time you return from lunch. Those who say you’re T A are not considering the fact that the woman has not made any effort to clean the space up after she’s in there.

OP responded:

Because it's just us 8-10 we keep it really nice, toilet paper and soap from home (we have zero patient contact so don't need hospital soap) moisturizer etc. I don't know or care if she was using that but it is obvious we keep it a nice space.

My assumption is she would rush to get out before we got back or would be getting back to her office before her break was over as we are at opposite ends of the hospital on different floors so it takes a while!

Guilty-Company-9755 wrote:

NTA. If she has a medical issue that needs accommodation, she needs to speak to her employer about that. It is not your problem or responsibility. If she wants access, she needs to contact her employer and ask for it. The reason she hasn't done so is because she knows they would probably say no. She's an adult, she needs to figure it out herself unfortunately.

A little less than two weeks later, OP shared another update.

So a few things happened so thought I'd update! I had an HR meeting scheduled Wednesday last week but they cancelled the day before saying the issue had been resolved. I still wanted a meeting but things were manic so we rescheduled for Tuesday this week.

I was working from home the next 2 days (Thursday and Friday last week) due to my youngest being ill. I got a text Friday mid morning from the office saying they thought someone had been in an used the toilet while they were on break. On Monday one of the girls had a meeting with their kids school and decided to work through her break and leave early.

About 5 mins after everyone left she heard the door open and saw someone she didn't know. As per policy she challenged her (as in asked who she was, to see her ID and why she was here) and she was told she was Medical Secretary (MS from here on) and she had permission to use the bathroom on our corridor.

When I came back from break I emailed HR along the lines:mRegarding the situation with MS, I have been made aware that she has been granted access to our department in order to use the bathroom. I would have appreciated being made aware of this decision as we leave our personal belongings in the office as we understood it was a secure area with access only for those who need to be there.

I would also like to know why I wasn't consulted on this decision as manager of the department as I previously had to sign off on security access for other staff members with access. I would be grateful if you could please add these to the discussion points for tomorrow's meeting.

Well to say s--t the fan after sending the email would be an understatement. I was immediately called and asked what this was about. Why would MS need to use our bathroom. At this point I forwarded my previous email correspondence along with a summary of our phone conversation. HR said they would get back to me.

Turns out her friends husband works in the hospital and both told about our toilet and subsequently gave her the code after I declined to give it to her, they didn't say who he is but implied they were taking this issue seriously. But that solves the mystery of how she found it in the first place!

She no longer has access to our bathroom, the code has been reset and we received a site wide email reminding everyone of the importance of security, not giving out access codes and confronting people who you believe are in an inappropriate location/not going to areas you have no business in.

The gossip mill is in full force around the hospital but I am trying to keep out of it as much as possible, I'm just glad we won't have to deal with it anymore! Hopefully that's the end of it, it's practically impossible to fire people in the NHS so I doubt there will be serious consequences.

The internet had a lot to say about the update.

unzunzhepp wrote:

The person giving out the code should be in great trouble. That ought to be a severe violation.

Late-Champion8678 wrote:

OP is being SO professional and keeping things vague but this woman is determined to make her business everyone’s business! Is she that determined to be outed as the phantom sh--ter? I would be mortified. I have had (unpredictable) bowel issues and would always choose the stall furthest any from humans (I don’t want to smell my s--t, why should anyone else?).

It’s a hospital, she could locate other toilets and she can’t be THAT embarrassed about her stinky s--ts when it’s become clear it’s her blocking your toilet. She’ll be fine in a multi-stall bathroom closer to her. It’s not like she’s a considerate s--tter.

OP responded:

Me too. We always assumed it's the combination of we are all out and it's a single stall so it's very private. Which I get, I'm definitely not comfortable doing a war crime with people sat in stalls next to me!

sittingonmya-se wrote:

I DO have bowel problems. And I was a HS teacher. I talked to the school nurse and we found a small, rarely used bathroom that adults with a key could use. But even then, I had a ditty bag with wipes (personal and cleaning), sprays, extra TP roll ends, and hypoallergenic soap for myself.

I also practiced the good old Army “courtesy flush” to get rid of things ASAP. Even if I was “mid-business.” Lots of us have adapted. You’ll know us by the people who always seem to have baby wipes handy.

OP responded:

I'm definitely sympathetic and if we weren't essentially a sealed unit and she hadn't left a mess (not all the time at least) I wouldn't be quite so bothered. Obviously we didn't get the lock to purposely exclude her but since it happened I definitely don't want to go back!

roman1969 wrote:

All this aside…could she not have cleaned the damn toilet after use? What a filthy cow.

OP responded:

That would have made it more tolerable. I suspect she was rushing to leave before another of us came back as we never saw her or passed her on the stairs!

Three weeks later, OP shared another update.

So the saga should hopefully be over! I had a request for a meeting with HR a few weeks after the initial incident.

The secretary (who we shall call Val for the purposes of the story can't remember if I gave her a name last time) had gotten a Drs letter and was asking for access to our department bathroom and did I have any objections. I had been kinda expecting this so I countered with I don't have objections but reservations:

Our department is very far away from Val's office.

The lack of extraction/window makes it very unpleasant environment for us to work in.

Most importantly, if she were to gain access she would be expected to leave it in the condition she found it.

We didn't really feel it was appropriate for a person to have unlimited access to the department just to use our toilet.

HR pressed on point 3 and I explained the history of Val leaving the toilet a mess. I also pointed out there are several clinic sluices (which require a key to access) much closer and perhaps one of those would be more suitable. I went on a recon mission shortly after this all happened.

Anyway HR agreed and she now has a key to the toilet in outpatients under the provision she keeps it clean she can basically have her own private bathroom. The porter who told her about our toilet and then gave Val the code apologised to us in person.

Turns out she's actually his SIL so my original intel was wrong. He claims she was embarrassed to ask for accommodation and he was pressured by his wife to give her the door code when I refused. He realises it was wrong and we agreed not to hold it against him. So all in all a pretty boring conclusion but I'm glad it's over!

The comments kept rolling in.

CaptDeliciousPants wrote:

If you know you’ve got b-wel issues, then you have a responsibility to make sure you’re not making them anyone else’s problem. Courtesy flush and get your own air freshener for your purse or whatever. Bath and Body Works has little ones that hit like an apple & cinnamon flavored hand grenade.

BabserellaWT wrote:

If you’re using someone else’s toilet, leaving it in a presentable state is the least you can do…

Flat_Lifeguard_109 wrote:

Is no one going to talk about how she said it was due to laxative use in the first place? Seems like she should be planning her laxative dose better so she doesn’t end up having to go at work every time- my guess is it probably isn’t quick either.