Woman blocks SIL after aggressive texts about wedding and baby shower drama, sparking family feud. AITA?
"AITA for blocking my SIL?"
Old_Nose7623
I 38F have been with my now husband (Shane) 38M for 3 years. His brother (Nick) 36M and his brothers fiance (Cat) 34F have been together for about 13 years. Forewarning, this a long one. So sit back for some juicy tea!
A little over 6 years ago, (before I met my husband) my husband (Shane), his brother (Nick) and his fiance (Cat) were all hanging out. Unfortunately, due to Nick and Cats circumstances and Covid they had to postpone their wedding for a third time.
My husband, being close to them jokingly mentioned something along the lines of “again?! oh what’s another one?” Cat got really upset. (Rightfully so.) Within the next few days, everything was talked about along with sincere apologies.
Fast forward to 2 years after that, the subject was resurfaced again. Unfortunately, I don’t know what was really said because I wasn’t in the picture yet. However, I just know that there were text messages exchanged.
It came to a resolution where my husband and Cat worked it out. The receipts show that she said, “all is forgiven and let’s put this behind us. It’ll never be brought up again.” Shane and I met in 2021. In early 2023, we got engaged and planned a quick wedding—proposing in February and marrying in July.
So we threw out a few dates in his family group chat. Everyone was flexible and open to our suggested dates, except for Cat and Nick. After the 3rd suggested date, I told Shane, “this is our wedding and we can’t continue to accommodate them specifically. So, let’s pick a date and roll with it.” Sure enough, after we did that, 2 weeks later, Cat and Nick were able to confirm and make it.
With only a few months, it was go time for my Shane and I. We planned to fund/coordinate our entire wedding ourselves and we’re grateful for any help from friends and family who wanted to support us.
We started to notice less engagement from Cat in the group chat and remarks from her such as “THIS wedding” made us feel like she was dismissive. Despite my efforts to include her in various events, such as my bachelorette party and casual get-togethers, she remained distant.
Day of the wedding, everything was as beautiful as it could be. It was perfect! A few weeks later, I received my wedding photos! I was so excited until I saw our family group photos. It is blatantly obvious that Cat did not want to be there.
The entire family was facing inwards towards us with giant smiles. While Cat’s on the end cap with her body facing outward, looking off yonder and no smile. I’m not gonna lie, the look on her face is like her dog just died.
My husband was not having this. So, he reached out to her and asked her if everything was OK and wanted to discuss the distance that he’s been feeling along with how she posed in all of our photos. Cat got really upset stating, “That’s how I look. That’s my persona. Why would I try to sabotage your photos?”
We truly didn’t think she was going to react this way and it turned out to be way uglier than expected so we just gave in and stopped talking about it stating it was a misunderstanding.
Cat and Nick eventually announced that they secured a date for their wedding and I had been chatting with my SIL (Summer) about planning outfits and travel arrangements.
I also wanted to make sure she knew she could rely on me for anything since she was pregnant. She was also providing me any relevant details I needed to know about the wedding since she was part of Cat’s bachelorette group chat.
Her and I just clicked immediately forming this amazing sisterly bond! She was the first family member I met when Shane and I first started dating. This information is relevant for later.
Fast forward to June 2024, I get a text message from Cat a few days before their wedding asking if we can hop on a call. She wanted to chat and see if her and I were “cool.” I was a bit confused and anxious about it, but we chatted for a good 40 minutes ironing out any weird feelings and everything was great.
I felt like I was on cloud 9 and in high hopes for building a closer connection to her. She even invited me to her bachelorette party where her and I had a heart to heart about being sisters and never letting any awkward tension come between us.
She admitted that my wedding resurfaced resentment that she had towards my husband. However, happy tears were shed during that conversation and their wedding was beautiful.
Two weeks post their wedding, I get an aggressive late night text message from Cat saying, “that I’m totally whack for not including her in Summers my SIL’s baby shower planning.”
I was in shock. I had no idea what she was talking about and I truly thought we were all good! All I knew about Summer’s baby shower was a date. This text message got really heated, because she called me a liar and as respectful as I could be, I had to set my boundaries.
I was so confused, because there was a lot of back-and-forth nonsense, stirring away from the root issue. Helpless at this point, I told her, “Moving forward, reach out to Summer.
If you wanted to have a conversation over the phone to resolve issues we can. However, I no longer will be responding to you via text message and I will not tolerate being disrespected.” She ended the conversation with, “All I wanted was to be included :) Also you have sent like five hundred times the words I've sent.”
Yes, that smiley face was included and I can’t help that I’m that type of person who’s a bit wordy. She immediately unfollowed us on social media. Classic. The only reason why I’ve noticed this is because she has followed and unfollowed us in the past on numerous occasions. Plus, she lives on social media since that’s where her following is.
After some back and forth between my husband, BIL and Cat, it seemed like this was going nowhere. So, my husband decided that we will block Cat on social media, and phone number. Of course she noticed immediately and BIL wanted to talk.
Nick BIL was furious and Shane gave him the space to let everything out. Shane listened and wanted to address any concerns. (Shane is seriously one of the most patient people I know) Nick also wanted to know why we went through the extremes to block Cat.
My husband explained everything, from the numerous times he’s apologized to her and how it’s come to a point where she is extremely aggressive via text. We had to set our boundaries, cut off that aggressive outlet and didn’t want to make ourselves so easily accessible.
We decided we’d only associate with her during family get togethers. Nick understood and they both agreed to communicate more often. I was happy to see them make amends with one another as brothers.
A few days later, Cat found a different avenue and messaged Shane asking him to hear her out on WhatsApp. Not very respectful of boundaries. He said yes, but he needed some time.
She continued to message through the days, deleting and resending texts until he gave in. When they finally spoke, she chose violence. She again, aggressively came at him with more and new issues from their wedding. Such as his speech at their wedding.
For context, my husband said, “for those of you who know my brother, he can be indecisive, but if there is one thing he isn’t indecisive about it’s Cat”. Cat’s new issue is that he insulted Nick by calling him indecisive in front of everyone.
This is absolute bonkers, completely skipping the compliment part. She also mentioned that ever since I joined the family, I’ve been trying to weed her out. This frustrated me, because anyone who knows me, knows that I genuinely am kind and truly want the best for the people in my life.
I’ve extended myself on multiple occasions, and I’m starting to realize that there’s a pattern. She only sees what she wants to see. So you tell me,, are we the AHs for not wanting to resolve this any longer and blocking her?
But more so, any advice on how to deal with this situation when I see her at the baby shower would be much appreciated. Stay tuned for the tea. I’ll have an update after the baby shower in October.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
aperlady929
NTA. Keep her blocked. Avoid her at the shower unless she gives you no choice. Alert Summer that you may need to leave early if Cat is aggressive with you. Do not engage. Walking away is better than allowing her to create drama so she can play victim.
She is jealous you were married before her. She is jealous of Summer for being pregnant. She wants to brag to her followers that she is more involved in the shower than reality.
She doesn't deserve your time or energy. Stop giving it to her. She will either apologize in earnest or keep up her victimhood. I look forward to your update in October. Best of luck!
Sweetie_Ralph
It is time to be completely indifferent. Be polite and greet her but put no time into her. Focus on Summer and be sure to let her know what is going on in case you need to make a quick exit. She deserves a nice baby shower and not whatever Cat has brewing.
Don’t be mean. Can’t feed that drama or victimhood. Only speak to her if you must. Focus on everyone else. I wouldn’t include her in much of anything if you don’t absolutely have to. If she is there then don’t react because she is counting on it. Be sure to keep your face clear of emotions. Shrug anything unkind or drama mongering she has to say off.