Bride left without hair and makeup or a cake as aunts ghost wedding over feud with mom. AITA?
"AITA for blocking my sisters over our daughter’s wedding?"
Our daughter got married at the end of last year. She and her now husband had been planning their wedding for over a year and they were very excited to have their closest family and friends at their small reception.
Early in the year, she had created a text group which included her aunts (my sisters) and me to announce the engagement and talk about wedding plans. Wanting to include her aunts in a thoughtful manner, she reached out to each of them a few months before the wedding.
She asked one of them to help her with her hair and makeup (she wanted them, me, and her future MIL to be in the bride’s room with her) and asked the other one to bake her wedding cake.
They each responded with much enthusiasm and were very excited to be included in these ways. As the year wore on and the date approached, I noticed that their interest in the wedding was waning, meaning that they’d not really mention it to me or rarely asked about it.
As a bit of backstory, my sisters and I have always had tumultuous relationships. Sometimes we’d have good rapport and enjoyed each other’s company while at other times we were quite distanced and rarely spoke. To say there’s a lot of water under the bridge is not stressing it enough.
Earlier in the year they and I had another falling out, but in an effort to avoid awkwardness with the upcoming wedding, I tried to stay in contact with them and keep peace. I will admit that, in the past, my sisters have created many issues and problems and I have very rarely felt supported by them.
Back to the wedding - a week before the wedding, both my sisters texted our daughter saying they were pulling out from the wedding plans and that they and their families wouldn’t be attending. They each texted within a few hours of each other. Our daughter called me in tears, sobbing and asking what she had done to deserve this treatment.
To be clear, not only did my sisters rescind their RSVPs a week before the wedding (our daughter and her fiancé had already paid for everything), but they’d also left her without a wedding cake and without someone to help her with hair and makeup, and they gave no real explanations for canceling on her.
I told our daughter that they weren’t worth the tears as they obviously didn’t care enough about her to be there on her special day and that everyone who was important would be there to see and celebrate with them.
After much conversation within our nuclear family, we all decided to block them on all platforms once the wedding was over to avoid creating problems at such a stressful time. None of us addressed their actions with them, as we felt everything that needed to be said or done had been made clear by their actions.
Since then, there has been no further contact or interaction and I, for one, feel they are no longer part of my family. Our daughter and her husband feel the same. Am I the AH here for blocking my sisters and ridding myself of their contact information?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You wrote: "[...] and they gave no real explanations for canceling on her." You mentioned: _"my sisters and I have always had tumultuous relationships. Sometimes we’d have good rapport and enjoyed each other’s company while at other times we were quite distanced and rarely spoke. To say there’s a lot of water under the bridge[...]"
Well, which is is? Surely there is something between you and your sisters that would cause them to opt out of your daughter's wedding that you're not acknowledging here.
I suspect there is more to the story than we’re hearing. OP says his daughter wanted to include the ants on her special day, but she wanted to include them for is for free labor. I think they said yes, possibly intending to screw her over but I can’t say I would blame them.
NTA…I do not think you are TA for blocking them for what they did for your daughter’s wedding. Or what they did to her within such a short period of her day. But making a cake and doing hair and make up is not including them in your daughter’s wedding. That is asking for their services. Including them would be helping with a bridal shower, asking about decorations, going dress shopping, etc.
NTA for blocking them if you’re done with the relationship. But you’re nuts to think your daughter was so kind and “thoughtful” to ask for free labor. Like what? It’s thoughtful to inform someone they’re baking a free wedding cake? Or doing hair/makeup for free? It wasn’t right to back out so close, but you’re acting like they should be so honored that you’re allowing them to provide free services.
Still_Learning1974 (OP)
Edit: many of you have commented how my daughter was looking for free services. To be clear, my sister cried and said she was honored to be asked to bake the cake to which my daughter responded that she would need to charge her as she would anyone else if she accepted to bake it.
Upon her canceling last minute, my sister said she was too busy to bake the cake or take the time to attend. Yet, she ended up coming out anyway for a short vacation and relaxation time in lieu of attending the wedding. The other sister just said she didn’t want to make the trip.
Not sure why so many people are acting like the daughter was expecting free labor when the post says they already paid?? As in ..money...as in...not free labor. Also, even if she was asking for favors, the aunts could have said no a year ago when they agreed to it.. not pull out last minute!
My opinion is that, with the information given, the fact that they agreed and then simultaneously pulled out makes me think they did it out of spite (because they don't get along with their sister) and not because they didn't want to "provide free labor). sounds more like punishing the daughter for the fact they had a falling out with their sister.
I'm gonna vote NTA based on the information provided. There are always two sides to the story, yes.. but we don't have the other side and according to this post, I feel very badly for the daughter.