'AITA for booking a hotel room on a family vacation instead of staying with family?'
"AITA for booking a hotel room on a family vacation?"
Me (34F), my husband (34M) and my brother (28M) are currently on vacation in another country with my FIL (58M) and his wife (65F). We’ve been excited for this trip for nearly a year, - FIL’s wife is from the country we are visiting, so they planned all activities and accommodations.
Several times my husband and I offered to either pay for or split where we’re staying (3 cities in 12 days, so 3 different places to stay) so that we could all be comfortable and have our own rooms. They assured us each time that they had it handled and that everything they booked ensured everyone had their own space.
Fast forward to the trip itself. First city, first night, after a 13-hour flight, we end up having to share a room with my brother for two nights in a hostel they booked. They did not realize it was a hostel, but the space was decent and it was for two nights, so we decided to make it work.
Now, we’re on day four and at our second destination. The place they booked is even smaller, has one bathroom for 5 adults, no living area to sit (there is a kitchen table and 4 very small plastic chairs) and again, we have to share a bedroom with my brother, this time for 5 nights.
We roughed it out the first night but decided to book a hotel for the remaining 4 nights in the second spot because we do not like having no space, and we were promised something different.
FIL’s wife cried and asked us to stay this morning, and when we said this was not what they told us and we feel misled and that it’s not fair to be expected to stay and do everything they want to do when we have no time or space to relax. They got upset, told us to do what we want and closed their door.
They eventually left for the day to walk around the city. In-laws are now very upset and threatening to not see us unless we apologize to FIL’s wife. We feel we have nothing to apologize for beyond hurting their feelings, because we feel there’s nothing wrong with expecting our own room when that’s what we were promised.
My brother is very chill and is fine to stay in the space, so he is with them. Husband feels very shut down and upset by the whole situation. AITA for booking a hotel room? Also, any advice for navigating this situation so we can try to salvage the week we have left of this trip?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
dncrmom wrote:
INFO why are your in-laws paying for a room for your brother? Did you miss type & he is your husband’s brother? Either way NTA if you get a room in the same hotel.
OP responded:
My in-laws insisted on paying for our accommodations, and that included my brother. He came along with us because he gets along well with my in-laws and has always wanted to go to the country we’re visiting, so that’s why he came on the trip.
Grand_fun4159 wrote:
As a grown woman, it is not right to feel forced into sharing a bedroom with your brother. Personal boundaries need to be accepted.
OP responded:
That’s what drives me nuts. I think somehow they thought everyone has their own room meant us + them, with my brother included in our count? It’s bizarre and not something I even thought I’d have to explain, because as a married couple we did expect to have our own room. Just because he’s my brother doesn’t mean I want to be in the same room for 12 days!
Grand_fun4159 wrote:
Especially because we all know what happens to men in the morning when they wake up! 🤣 Where is the woman who organised it from? I’m wondering if it’s a cultural thing Some families share rooms and don’t have any qualms with it. Very different usually, to western culture.
OP responded:
Korea, and that’s where we are now. But she’s been in the US since the 70s.
stationaryspondoctor wrote:
NTA, but why didn’t you check your accommodations before going on the trip? I research the heck out of my trip, so that I can plan my time at the destination.
OP responded:
Agree, that was a miss on my part. Usually I am super type-A with travel, but I didn’t question it because FIL’s wife is from here, so it didn’t occur to me this could even be an issue, especially when they said everything they booked would have adequate space for everyone. I certainly know better for the future!
oop_norf wrote:
No, you're NTA.
"Also, any advice for navigating this situation."
Fake non-apology apology - "We're so sorry the accommodation didn't work out and was different to what you thought you'd booked, and while we know you're upset about that this seems like the simplest way to get things back on track."
"We're not trying to avoid you or opt out of the trip, we're just going to sleep in our own room like originally planned. There's no need to let this little accommodation booking problem ruin things, let's just carry on with everything we'd planned to do together during the days."
Key points:
Act like they're not upset with your actions, they're upset about the situation,
You're not sorry for your actions, you're sorry about the situation.
You're all in this unfortunate situation together and this is your contribution to solving the problem and saving the trip for everyone.
It's mostly nonsense, but it makes it much harder for them to stay mad at you.
helloreddit0703 wrote:
She cried? Seriously? She sounds highly manipulative and/or childish.
If I booked a place for 5 adults with only 1 bathroom and 2 of the adults left to get their own place, I’d be thrilled.
But my points above are moot anyway. You were told a certain level of comfort would be provided, and unfortunately, it wasn’t in fact provided.
You’ve done nothing wrong. You haven’t ruined the trip. Your FIL’s wife has.
Couette-couette wrote:
They missled you to agree to the trip and now they want to act as the wronged part? No way and NTA.
(to be clear, there is nothing wrong with the way they planned things when everyone had been informed and agreed to it).