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'AITA for kicking out my GF for cheating even though I didn't tell her not to?' UPDATED

'AITA for kicking out my GF for cheating even though I didn't tell her not to?' UPDATED


"AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend even though she didn't cheat?"

I (56m) was married for nearly 35 years. I married young. My wife was my best friend. She died 18 months ago. I reconnected with a female friend I used to work with (49f). She told me that her husband of 30 years constantly cheated on her and even had a child with AP. She felt she was trapped. I told her if she ever left him I would take her in.

She's beautiful. Her kids are adults. A few months go by and she leaves him, she wants to be with me. Great. A day before she is to move in she, for some reason, tells me about a younger guy that has been pursuing her. Tells me if she didn't get with me she would have went out with him at least once, just for sex. I was confused as to why she would tell me that.

She mentioned sleeping with him again a couple of hours later. I told her if she really wanted to do it, she was a grown woman and can make up her own mind. And if she was going to do it, do it before she moved in. She asked me if I was ok with it. I told her that we are adults and can make up our own minds. I never told her I was ok with it.

Well she decided to spend the night with him the day before moving in with me. She will see me in the morning. She left and I got started packing her stuff up. She came back an hour and a half later saying that he had a family situation and couldn't be with her that night. Sucks for her.

She asked me what I was doing. I told her I was packing up a cheater's things. She started crying and said that nothing happened yet and that I said it was ok. I told her I never said it was ok and all I said was she was an adult and can do what she likes.

She has nowhere to go. I told her to call him up to pick her up but she can't stay here. I went into my house and locked the door. She tried telling me that if she would have known I felt this way she never would have done anything. I feel I shouldn't have to tell her to be faithful and instead of doing it behind my back wasn't as bad as doing it in my face.

I told her from the beginning what I thought of cheaters. She kept saying she never cheated. But I think trying and doing is one and the same. This happened several days ago and she keeps blowing up my phone. I don't answer. I thought I had a good loyal girlfriend. Jokes on me. So AITA? I never pushed her to leave her husband. I will always wonder if I did the right thing

Edit. We talked about it before. She asked me if I was ok with it. I told her no, I didn't like it. I never specifically said I would throw her out. Didn't think I had to. Then when she told me he was married with kids, that was when I just couldn't do it. She became everything she supposedly hates in a person. I loved her enough to probably get over a one time thing because she was honest.

As she was walking out the door is when I found out he was married with kids. I asked her on her way out if she was going to his house and she said that his wife and kids wouldn't like it. That sealed the deal.

Besides I got an STD check with her before, considering her husband's track record. I'm not willing to do it again. Quit saying I basically gave her permission. I did not! I let her know I didn't like it but would probably get over it. Until...

Edit 2.. Before this happened, she asked me if I was ok with this. I told her no, I was not ok with this. We were exclusive, or at least that's what she told me. She also told me, days before, that if I ever cheated on her she would be gone. So many women on here are acting like I gave her permission. I did not. I also didn't forbid a grown woman from doing what she wanted. She did what she wanted.

I did what I wanted. I guess she thought I loved her too much to dump her. I love no one enough to put up with them fucking other men. Just because I didn't specifically say that she would be gone from my life. A one night stand was worth losing me over. Or at least she thought it was. Life is a series of choices. She made hers and I made mine.

We both made what we thought were the best choice for each of us. Her son is on his way to talk to me. He is married with 2 kids living in a 2 bedroom apartment. She is staying with him. I told him there is no way I will change my mind.

I also told him not to bring her with him. I'll let you know how it goes. I don't know what he thinks will happen but he's a good dude. Welcome here anytime. I don't care all she does is cry. I did my fair share too.

What do you think? AITA? Here is what top commenters had to say:

Dogbite_NotDimple said:

Am I reading correctly that she was going from her marital home directly into your home? If you're ready to date, start dating. Don't have anyone move in with you until you know it's a solid relationship. Don't do anyone any favors by "taking them in."

earplugsforswans said:

Maybe instead of saying 'do it before you move in' you should've said 'if you do it, don't move in'. But you're not wrong for skeeving bad behavior.

Comfortable_Force_20 said:

You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an a$$hole.

cgnops said:

Eh she asked you question, you couldn’t find it in yourself to answer her direct question so you re framed it and gave her test. I’m not convinced you’re an asshole here - she certainly isn’t great either for this plan to go sleep w a married person, but you could have handled this in a much more direct way.

You tried this whole thing with a married woman, she left him after you started talking. Not a great look for either of you. You are an asshole for calling her a cheating whore, it doesn’t seem you were in a relationship and thus she wasn’t cheating

5startoadsplash said:

I told her if she really wanted to do it, she was a grown woman and can make up her own mind. And if she was going to do it, do it before she moved in. This at least has the weird implication that you were okay with it, whether you explicitly said that or not

CianneA13 said:

You’re 56 and you can’t tell a woman directly that if she sleeps with someone else you don’t want to live with her? I’m not condoning cheating at all. But it sounds to me like you implied that if she wanted to sleep with this man, to do it before she moved in. Which sounds like a green light to me but🤷🏾‍♀️ to each their own.


I talked to her son and showed him this post. Damn was he pissed. He cut off his dad for cheating on his mom and treating her like shit. Now he wants to cut her off. He said she was so excited about moving in with me. Couldn't believe she would even consider doing this to me, with a married man. I begged him not to. He said she can't stay with him.

There are a couple of one bedroom apartments where he lives. The car she was driving the past few weeks is mine even though I bought it for her. She has no job. I told him I would pay all the deposits and the first 3 months rent for her. But after that she is on her own. I still love her and don't want anything bad to happen to her. I just don't want her anymore.

He said she was crying for the last couple of days saying she can't believe she was that dumb. That's all I have and don't expect anything to change. I'll drive over tomorrow and get her the apartment. Gonna be a shit show when her son gets home. She didn't exactly tell him the whole story. I wish her the best.

Sources: Reddit
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