'AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend?' 'He chose our future kids over ME.'

"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after he chose our supposed 'future' kids over me?"

I 21 (F) have been dating my 22 (M) boyfriend for 4 years now. We recently started talking about our future together and the kids issue came up. He has known for a long time now that I've always been iffy about kids. He, on the other hand, insists that he likes kids, and would like to have them in the future.

This issue has often caused a massive strain on our relationship, but we've chosen to cross that bridge when we get there. So, this past Saturday, the issue cropped up and the conversation turned into a sore argument. My boyfriend said that living without kids would make his life pointless, and he feels like he would resent me in the future if I made him do that. I listened to his argument, and it made sense.

After all, we're both young, and have some more time before we get there. So, naturally I'd assume that maybe I'd change my mind in the future, and we'd be able to have those kids. I shared these sentiments with him to which, I got a positive response. But here's where things got heated.

After I told my boyfriend that it would also be kind of unfair to force myself into having kids if I'm not prepared, he suddenly changed the tone and said he would have no choice but to dump me for someone that would give him kids. This came as a surprise because I had assumed that he only wanted kids with me, and would also try and view things from my perspective.

I felt so bad, because I expected the same support I had shown him when he told me he would resent me for not having them. I explained my disappointment to which he said that he was equally disappointed at me for being selfish. I got mad, and broke up with him then. We haven't talked since then. So, AITA for leaving?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Perfect-Girl3 said:

You're doing the right thing by leaving. I stayed with someone who wanted different things for 6 years, thinking love would be enough. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. Kids are a fundamental compatibility issue and you're smart to recognize that at 21.

ncjr591 said:

He wants kids and you’re iffy. If you have kids you may be angry with him and if you don’t he’ll resent you for not letting him be a father. Better to end it now then after your married.

Extension_Visit_1379 said:

The two of you are not compatible. Sorry. It's best if you separate and find people that have the same future plans or are at least able to speak about the future without emotional threats. Do not stay with someone that wants kids if you are unsure if you do. It will lead to heart break for both.

Platypus_Neither said:

The relationship was doomed from the start if you're on different pages about wanting kids. NTA.

shortcakelover said:

NTA for leaving, but it is beyond wild that you thought that he wouldn't be upset. He stated he wanted kids, and you don't. Why shouldn't he be upset honesty? I wouldn't say you have been leading him on since you didn't know, but it sure can feel like that for him. He wasn't choosing "our future kids" he was choosing someone who wanted kids. You sound like you don't want them, so he should have left years ago.

AllypallyPym said:

He wants kids. You don’t. You’re incompatible. And sorry to say, but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to not want to be in a relationship with you if you don’t want kids. NTA.