'AITA for breaking up with my fiancé?' 'I couldn’t deal with his mom.'

"AITA for breaking up with my fiancé because I couldn’t deal with his mom anymore and he refused to see it?"

Three weeks ago, I ended my engagement. It wasn’t something I did lightly, and I still catch myself second-guessing it even though I know deep down it was the right call. My ex and I had been together for three years.

We lived together, got engaged last year, and were planning a small wedding for later this fall. We had our differences like any couple, but there was one thing that had been bothering me for a long time: his mom.

She was always involved. At first, it felt like she was just being friendly, trying to get close. But it didn’t take long before it started to feel like something else entirely. She’d show up to our apartment several times a week unannounced and always stayed longer than she needed to.

What started as quick visits to “drop something off” slowly became her just sitting around our place for hours, commenting on things. And those comments were never outright cruel, just… calculated. Subtle little things that were clearly meant to get under my skin while sounding completely innocent on the surface.

She’d say things like, “You look tired lately,” or, “You’re not much of a cook, are you?” Or she’d make passive remarks about how clean the apartment used to be when it was just him living there. It was always something, every time.

At first, I tried to laugh it off. Then I brought it up to him. I told him that I was starting to feel uncomfortable, like she was trying to make me feel small in my own home. He brushed it off and said I was overthinking things. That she didn’t mean it that way. That she was just trying to help.

The problem was, this kept happening. I started to dread seeing her, and it got to the point where I couldn’t relax in my own home. I asked him gently if he could talk to her, just ask her to call before visiting or maybe scale back how often she came over.

He got defensive and said I was trying to come between him and his family. After that, I stopped bringing it up. I just kept swallowing it and trying to keep the peace, telling myself maybe I was being too sensitive.

But it wore me down. It wasn’t just her visits, it was how he never once stood up for me or even acknowledged what I was feeling. I felt alone, like I was the only one trying to make things work. The final straw was the day she came by again, unannounced, and made some comment about how he “must be starving” since I hadn’t cooked that day. He laughed. I didn’t.

That night, I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I told him I loved him, but I didn’t feel loved in return, not in the way I needed. I didn’t feel like he had my back. I didn’t feel like he saw me.

I left two days later and moved in with my sister. He’s since told people that I “threw away a good man because I couldn’t handle his mother.” His family is convinced I was insecure and jealous.

My friends and family have supported me, but I can’t lie, there’s still a small part of me that wonders if I gave up too soon. Maybe I should’ve just stuck it out and tried harder. Maybe I was too emotional. But then again… maybe I just finally chose peace. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Standard_Session1106 said:

NTA... mommy's boys are ick.

Wonderful-Crab8212 said:

Tell people you dumped him because you couldn’t get himself off his mom’s tit. What a pathetic mama’s boy. F him and celebrate. You dodged a bullet. Tell him you hope they will be very happy together.

morbidnerd said:

NTA. For future reference, when someone makes an underhanded comment the response should be "what do you mean by that?" Don't let people be comfortable with their foot on your neck.

Such-Perspective-758 said:

NTA. Next time you'll know to shut that shit down as soon as the spiteful little b opens her nasty little mouth. Nevertheless, the point is you do not stay with partner that does not have your back in these situations. One warning should be enough.

Pleasant-Koala147 said:

NTA. You’ve just saved yourself years of pain and a messy divorce. He will never change neither will she. He’ll spend his life married to his mother wondering why no woman ever sticks around for long. You’re now free to find someone who understands what healthy boundaries are.

Quiet-Hamster6509 said:

You gave up an unsupportive man who never put you first. You gave up a man who never treated you like a spouse. NTA that's what you tell people who pass on what he says.

julesB09 said:

NTA, but if you're unsure imagine being pregnant with her grandchild...based on his behavior thus far - how do you think that experience will be? I think we both know it will be miserable. You will be miserable. It will get worse once the baby is born and she makes those comments about your mothering.