'AITA for buying a house without 'consulting' my GF of 4 months? She feels left out.'

"AITA for buying a house without 'consulting' my GF of 4 months?"

I (37M) am a single dad with two kids (16M & 14M). I met my GF (32F) back in February. We dated casually and non-exclusively until September and then began dating exclusively. My GF has indicated that she wants to have kids, she has no kids currently.

I am definitely open to that, but have told her only after dating at least a couple of years. I have been looking to buy a new home. I absolutely hate living where I am living. I bought it when my kids were little and it was convenient then.

But, my work is 30 minutes away and the boys' school is 45 minutes away. A house came on the market in a neighborhood 5 minutes from work and 10-15 minutes from the boys' school, and was listed well below market value. My realtor called me, I saw it that same day, and made an offer. The offer was accepted.

I told my GF the good news. She was less than thrilled. She asked why I did not "consult" her. I have been looking for about a year and the reality is houses go quickly. Often, not even on the market for a day if reasonably priced. I had to move quickly. I explained all this, but she is still upset.

I talked to my sister (34F) about this. She says she gets her frustration. My sister said that she was in the same position two years ago, she was a single woman in her early 30s looking to get married and have kids soon. In that two years, she met her husband, got married, and had a kid.

So, from her perspective, my GF is thinking that this is the home her kids are potentially going to be raised in. I can see that, but I feel that it is a little premature to expect I will consult my GF of 4 months before buying a home. That is moving a little too fast from my perspective. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

teenaangel wrote:

NTA. While it's always ideal to communicate openly in a relationship, after just four months, buying a house might not necessarily require consultation if you're financially independent. However, it could cause tension if your girlfriend feels excluded or if you’ve been building a future together.

It's important to discuss major decisions with a partner, especially if the relationship is serious, but it ultimately depends on the dynamics and expectations you've set.

tidymaze wrote:

NTA You're barely a couple. Honestly, this is a red flag that should be heeded. I wouldn't have kids with this woman before setting up some stuff legally for your own kids. If she's this upset this early in the relationship, I wonder what she will demand down the road. And I'm saying this as a woman.

MrRogersAE wrote:

I don’t see this as a red flag. The girlfriend is just more invested in the relationship than OP is. There’s nothing wrong with that, in most couples one will be willing to make certain steps before the other is ready.

In her mind they were probably going to be living together soon, while OP is much further out than she is. She’s imagining a life together and a major decision was just made that places that life in this new house without her input so she’s somewhat upset since she expects to be living in that house.

It’s also worth noting that relationships in your 30s often move at a fairly quick pace, lots of couple I know we’re engaged well withing a year, married with kids by year 2. That doesn’t mean that OP has to follow that pace, buts that’s the one she’s probably looking for.

Mother_Search3350 wrote:

Four months. She doesn't get to even have an opinion about your finances and your boys. Dating is two people getting to know each other and figure out if they are compatible with each other.

Nobody does that in 4 months. You need to keep being a dad to your sons and making financial decisions to make them secure and feel like they matter. A four months girlfriend doesn't get a say. She needs to get her head in the right place and understand that you are a father first and her boyfriend second. Your sister did not have 2 teenaged kids to consider when she made her life decisions.

She was still wanting to have kids. She was a single woman searching and didn't marry a man with kids. You already have kids who are an integral part of your life. You have been house hunting longer than she has been in your life. You and your sons have been having discussions about the move since before she was even a part of your life.

She needs to either understand that she wants to be a part of an established family dynamic with a man who has 2 teenaged sons, or find herself a man whose focus will only be her and her wants and her needs to ' start a family and make babies.'

NTA.

TinkerBellRocknRolls wrote:

You’re NTA, but you’re also mismatched. She’s 32 and wants kids. She doesn’t have time to wait for you to figure things out. Although you had a right to make this real-estate decision, you also shot her the message that she (and her wants/needs) don’t figure in to your short-term and intermediate-term planning. If she really wants children before her biological clock runs out, she needs to move on.

Optimal-Apple2070 wrote:

NAH tbh. I think it makes sense to make this decision quickly and not wait for her opinion on it. You don't even know if she'll ever live there; your opinion is the relevant one here. That being said, I fully get why she feels weird/upset about it.

It sounds like she's thinking of your relationship as on the road to being more, even if it's still early days; I can understand feeling blindsided and upset by an unexpected major life decision that she didn't know you were making.

And you didn't say that she's been guilt tripping you about it or making demands or threats. She's just being honest with her partner about a weird feeling she's having. I don't think she's wrong or an asshole for that. If she starts being a jerk about the house, or if you use this as an excuse to ice her out, then I'll change my vote.

But for now there's barely even a conflict here--you have more words about what your sister thinks about your housing than what your girlfriend does. It's not even clear to me if she expected ownership in this decision, or if she's just sad that you didn't text her "the house I saw was great, I'm putting in an offer!"

Don't let the internet tell you to make this mole hill into a mountain. You made a choice; she was surprised by that choice and she communicated with you about it like an adult instead of nursing resentment; life goes on.

Apart-Maybe2511 wrote:

I’m 36 and I have a 13 and 9 year old and I’m in a similar boat. I don’t think you’re wrong. You want stability. Maybe it becomes a rental property eventually or something however you can’t hold up your life and things don’t work out. It’ll work itself out. Everything happens as it’s supposed!