'AITA for calling a coworker snarky when she said I gained weight?'

"AITA for calling a coworker snarky when she said I gained weight?"

I (27F) started taking weight-loss meds this year - I wasn't really obese, but I was very overweight for quite a while. Since then, I lost about 70 pounds, started working out and really improved my mental health and self esteem. Last week I went for lunch with a coworker and bumped into my SIL, who knew about my weight loss but didn't see me in person since I started the process.

She congratulated me on it and went about her day.

My coworker asked be what she was congratulating me on, and I said that it was about my weight loss, to which she replied:

"Oh she was being polite then! Cause I think you actually gained a few pounds recently, didn't you?" - that obviously made me confused lol and said it was a bit snarky to say something like that (even if I actually had gained weight, which I didn't, I don't think it's a polite comment at all), my coworker finished with "Well, I'm sorry if you're fishing for compliments strategy didn't work on me."

I'm very very confused about this because even though she isn't my best friend or anything, we usually hang out at lunch or coffee breaks and get along really well, maybe I offended her telling her it was snarky??? AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Square-Minimum-6042 wrote:

Let me guess, coworker is chubby and feels threatened by your weight loss.

OP responded:

She has a similar body type to the one I have now, maybe she just thought of me as a safe fat-friend and doesnt like the fact she can no longer look skinnier by comparison?

owls_and_cardinals wrote:

NTA. Your coworker seems pretty unhinged. Yes, her first comment was out of line and unnecessary, and flat out rude. Her second comment exposed some obvious resentment she has towards you with the weightloss...suggesting she thinks you've been fishing for compliments (perhaps around the office).

To me, then, this was not a slip of the tongue or a comment she didn't realize was rude, it actually relates to feelings of animosity that she has towards you. That makes her toxic and harmful, in my eyes at least, and she's done you a huge favor by letting you know her real feelings on the matter. Time to keep her at arm's length. You were not wrong for letting her know you found her original comment offensive.

Scenarioing wrote:

"Well I'm sorry if your fishing for compliments strategy didn't work on me"

The question is irrational. She's the one that ASKED YOU for an explanation of why you were congratulated.

So how could you be fishing for anything? I suspect she knew, harbors jealousy or something and found a set up so she would have an excuse to insult you. NTA.

lynnlugg7777 wrote:

NTA. I would make a report to HR, just to get it on record.

This person seems extremely toxic. She may make a complaint to HR about you, so you need to report this first. She’s obviously not your friend, not worth your time.

TheSunAndScooby124 wrote:

NTA. She's the AH! She knew saying anything about gaining weight would get under your skin since you worked so hard to lost the weight you did. She was just trying to be rude and create conflict.

Your SIL complimented you and she had to turn it around into something negative. She must either be jealous or just a miserable person. Maybe both. I would end those lunch and coffee breaks. She showed her true character.

MonsteraDeliciosa wrote:

Sounds like the kind of thing “body positive” TikTok and insta feeds churn out— absolute refusal to provide even neutral commentary about intentional weight loss/ IWL. Instead of just saying nothing, people are encouraged to “fight back” against any perceived “fatphobia."

Your own personal change— that you didn’t say anything about to the coworker directly— is still somehow offensive and even “violent." You’re supposed to take this jarring comment, be upset by it, and examine why it might upsetting…with the idea that you gain insight about why your coworker might be unhappy about your IWL.

It’s not about YOU at all, really. It’s about the coworker feeling like you need to be educated. Charming approach, right? It’s the kind of snark where the person gleefully posts that Someone lost weight and I told her she gained weight HAHAHA and the collective high-fives about someone getting put in their place for having lost weight on purpose. NTA.

Sassyclassy93 wrote:

She was rude, period. It’s about her though, not you. I would recommend finding someone else to hang out with. If she asks why, tell her that if she is going to say something rude that’s fine, but you are entitled to call her on it. NTA.

Ok-Try-857 wrote:

NTA. Congratulations on losing 70 pounds!!!!! Amazing. What a catty b--ch. I hope you distance yourself from her, starting with lunches. You are not required to be friends with people who think being a horrible harpy is okay.

The fact that she doubled down and then tried to gaslight you shows you who she really is.

You’re amazing! Fantastic! Stupendous! You deserve to be surrounded by people who will support and uplift you. Marie Kondo this person from your life.

Ok_Orange_68689 wrote:

NTA.

Your colleague said something that no one should ever speak on - weight loss, you lost it by hard work. Others may lose it due to illness etc. Best bet is to say nothing.

She then went too far with her comment, I wonder if she sees you as the 'lesser than' of the duo she has and is now threatened that you are looking better than her etc.

Either way, I'd give her my own personal opinion on her behaviour and be polite going forward in the office, but step back from coffee breaks etc.