Last weekend, I attended my brother’s college graduation. After the ceremony, I found the rear of my trunk had been hit. The other driver was still there. She was an 18 year old who was crying hysterically while her mom tried to calm her down.
The girl apologized profusely and said she had overestimated how much room she had to back out and hit my car. I wasn’t upset because mistakes happen. I asked if she had insurance and she was too worked up to answer.
So, I turned to her mom and she said yes, they’d go get it as well as call the police so there could be an official report for the insurance company. Cool. The girl was still really worked up. I told her, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset and accidents happen.
She’s still a mess when the cops show up. I found this a little overdramatic and admittedly rolled my eyes. I obviously don’t know this girl but it was beginning to feel like she was trying to manipulate her way out of trouble-even though the cop and I both said these things happen and that the insurance would likely take care of it.
Eventually, the police left. I told the girl to calm down, it’s over and stop being dramatic. Then, I got in my car and was ready to leave. My sister was with me the whole time. She told me I was unnecessarily mean to the girl. I said she was being overdramatic for no reason, especially as no one yelled at her the entire time.
My sister pointed out this girl is likely a new driver, probably worried she ruined whoever she was there to celebrate, etc. Plus, she’s probably worried about her rates going up.
Or maybe she has anxiety or whatever. Even if she was trying to manipulate with tears, I didn’t “have to be a d-k." I shrugged it off and let it go. So far, her insurance has been cooperative and it seems this will all be resolved rather quickly.
The subject came up at the party we had for my brother. Most of my family thought I was being a d-k. Though some agreed she needed to calm down. AITA?
DinaFelice said:
So someone you don't know was having an emotional reaction to something you weren't present for (you only saw the aftermath). You don't know what else may have been going on in her life, you don't know what her prior history was that could be contributing to her emotional state, and you don't know what the consequences to her might be.
So knowing nothing else about her other than she was upset but was still doing exactly what she was supposed to do (in terms of admitting responsibility, calling the police and sharing her insurance information), you still decided that her emotional reaction must be some attempt to manipulate the situation.
Even though you have absolutely zero basis for that extremely unkind assumption. YTA. Literally all you had to do was not say anything, and you couldn't even manage that.
shiny-baby-cheetah said:
??? Yeah, YTA. Like you said, you don't know her. She could have an anxiety disorder. She could have a lot of fear around driving. She could have abusive parents, who were putting up a front for you and the cop until they got home.
She could be upset at the price hike this is going to cause in her parent's insurance. Maybe they can't afford that. It could be so many things that you have no way of knowing.
All you had to do was nothing. You just had to be quiet and leave. For what reason, did you feel the need to criticize her and tell her she was being too much? I grew up autistic and with anxiety disorders and I absolutely loathed and dreaded having to interact with people who talked to me the way you talked to her.
NotCreativeAtAll16 said:
YTA. I have a daughter with extreme anxiety, and the situation you just described is exactly why she doesn't want to learn to drive. She was already beating herself up. She didn't need you to join in.
Sometimesitsamonkey said:
YTA. The first wreck I was ever in I was 18. It was my fault. I cried and cried. I was scared, embarrassed, felt horrible for the people I hit, confused, didn’t really know what would happen next, and just had a lot of emotions. I wasn’t trying to gain sympathy. Just really freaked out.
You didn’t even need to talk to her being getting her information. Just go wait in your car or nearby for the police. I don’t understand why you felt the need to make a comment. Certainly you didn’t think it would help her calm down.
fallingintopolkadots said:
YTA. The girl was clearly beating herself up over the incident. And when has telling any woman to calm down and accusing her of being overdramatic ever helped...anything. Never.
She was upset and it was none of your business as to why it was so upsetting to her, not that you even attempted to broach a remotely helpful conversation with her.
most_normal_guy said:
YTA dude there is nothing more annoying than people who interpret someone crying as “manipulative.” why would she need to manipulate anyone if you already said it wasn’t a bit deal? I understand being slightly annoyed internally when someone’s being super emotional but to actually tell someone who’s crying to stop “being dramatic” is wild.