'AITA for calling off my wedding after my fiancé’s surprise 'gift'?'
"AITA for calling off my wedding after my fiancé’s surprise 'gift'?"
So, I (30F) have been engaged to my fiancé Mark (32M) for about a year and we’ve been together for three years. I’ve always known Mark to be a bit unconventional; he’s very creative and sometimes takes things a little too far in the name of surprise or excitement. Most of the time, I love his adventurous spirit, but this time? Not so much.
A couple of weeks ago, we had a small get-together with some close friends to celebrate our upcoming wedding. Mark had mentioned that he had a surprise for me, which I figured would be something sweet, like a heartfelt gift or maybe a romantic gesture. Well, as the night went on, after a few drinks, Mark finally revealed his “gift.”
He pulled out what looked like a box from a special jewelry store. My heart raced with excitement as I assumed it was a lovely bracelet or a special memento for our wedding day. But when he opened the box, I was absolutely stunned.
Inside was a key to a house he supposedly bought for us. I was taken aback because I had no idea he was even looking for real estate. My first reaction was one of shock and confusion, as I thought it was a huge decision that we should have discussed together.
As I processed the moment, I realized the house wasn’t just any house—it was a fixer-upper on the outskirts of town. Now, I get that it can be a great investment, but this particular house needed a ton of work. I’m talking major renovations and repairs, and I honestly had no desire to live there. Mark had not consulted me at all before making this purchase, and I felt blindsided.
Normally, I would be overjoyed about investing in our future together, but the fact that he had made such a significant commitment without me crushed me. I quietly took the key and told him we needed to talk about this. As we stepped outside, I expressed how hurt I felt that he had made such a big decision without discussing it with me first and that it felt like a violation of trust.
Mark got defensive and insisted that this was a wonderful surprise—a way for us to start our lives together. He said I was missing the bigger picture and that I should be excited about our future. Honestly, I just felt overwhelmed and confused. I told him I didn’t think we were ready for this and that we should focus on our wedding first.
After a heated argument, I made the gut-wrenching decision to call off the wedding. Mark was devastated, and our friends were shocked. I had just ruined what was supposed to be a happy night, and I felt horrible.
Since then, Mark has been trying to reach out, saying he wishes we could talk it over, but I can’t shake the feeling that he disrespected my feelings and my input in our relationship. I’ve been reflecting on whether I overreacted. AITA for calling off the wedding after his surprise “gift”?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA making a major life decision without you isn’t a good way to start a marriage it also sets a precedent for the marriage. Not only is it a surprise house it’s a surprise fixer upper that’s not even a gift that’s a job and I don’t think anyone really thinks their partner wants to be left out of a choice like that.
And most likely she wasn't on the title if he already purchased it. NTA.
So what was his plan? The house would be in his name only while you padded his pockets by investing hard work and money into fixing up his shitty house? NTA.
plus, a fixer-upper comes with a financial burdens and time commitments. Mark essentially obligated you to this project without considering your financial situation or your willingness to take on such a responsibility.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if he bought the house without you, then it is in his name. He is the sole owner. But he wants you to help pay for the renovations? Nope. Bad move. If the marriage fails, it's still his house and you'll be left with nothing.
NTA. Some people really don’t understand that movies and tv are not real life. It sounds like Mark may be one of them.
NTA You're never wrong for deciding not to marry someone. You don't need a reason, and you don't need to justify it to anyone. Simply saying, "I no longer want to spend my life with this person" is all the reason you need.
There will be fallout, and you're gonna lose a few friends. But you still won't be the AH. And you didn't ruin the evening. Mark ruined it by making a huge financial decision without you.
NTA! You didn’t overreact at all. The foundation of a solid marriage isn’t love, it’s open communication. Mark made a life-altering decision without talking to you at all. You were right to feel blindsided and crushed. It’s also not a great sign that Mark argued with you after you’d explained your feelings to him.
You mentioned that he sometimes takes things too far in the name of surprise, has he ever made choices without you that you were impacted by? Does he usually get defensive when you try to communicate your feelings?
You 100% made the right decision to call off the wedding! But it might be worth having one more face-to-face talk with Mark, if nothing else, it might help you feel more secure in your choice to end the relationship.
NTA. Terrible judgment on Mark’s part but what I find the real problem here was his response when you pointed out the obvious. He argued with you. The lightbulb did not go on with him that you don’t make decisions like this without the other person.
This is a sign that he will “surprise you” with a new puppy, his brother moving into your house, that he has quit his job and took out a loan to start a family business…and then argue with you when you say this should have been discussed prior. Plus, a fixer sounds hideous.