'AITA for calling out the volunteer church organizer after she made my DIL cry?'
"AITA for calling out the volunteer church organizer after her awful actions after she made my DIL cry?"
My daughter in law (DIL) lost both of her parents, her mother earlier this year and dad when she was 15. I love her like she is my own, and I'm so proud of her and how far she has come. I'm very involved in my church and we were planning an event for moms/kids.
It coincided with my monthly sack lunch ministry for seniors so in the morning we’d all make the lunches and then we’d do other things. Make friendship bracelets, run around, grill, tie dye, etc. My DIL is not religious but she does like to give back so when I invited her she accepted. We got the lunch supplies and she helped with the lunches.
She even offered to go deliver them to the organization we work with since she has a big car. This is when the church organizer Cathy started an issue. She thanked my DIL and said that would be all we needed from her all day and she can go home after. I said no, DIL is here to spend the day with me and have fun with everyone.
Cathy had the gall to make an ugly face and said “She’s not anyone’s daughter.”
I said that’s ok, she’s my daughter-in-law if Cathy didn’t know.
Cathy made another ugly face and said that didn’t count and that she didn’t even “belong” here which ruffled my feathers. Everyone should be allowed. If one of the dads wanted to come join us I would have said yes. Who cares. We got into an argument and my DIL ended up crying. Again she JUST lost her mom.
She left and told me to have fun and I rounded on Cathy and told her that what she’d just done was as unchristian as I’d ever seen. And that if she can’t find it in her heart to welcome EVERYONE to our events she should NOT be the volunteer organizer. Cathy told me tough cookies if I don’t like it to take it up with the church office.
And a few other members overheard and as I got ready to load up my van for the sack lunches a few helped me and got to talking about how awful Cathy has been. After I left they all cornered Cathy and said they would ALL talk to the church office.
Well she isn’t the organizer anymore and she has been for over two decades. She ended up confronting me after Church raising her voice, getting in my face, etc. She told me I had ruined her life over my DIL not belonging to the church and that she hopes I was happy. I admit I did feel bad after that but I’m not sure if I should.
The internet had OP's back all the way.
CrewelSummer wrote:
NTA. They say Christians should ask themselves "What would Jesus do?". Well, I think the Gospel narratives are pretty clear: Jesus would have flipped His shit over this sort of nonsense in His Father's house.
This is the sort of behavior that gives Christianity a bad name, and it speaks to Cathy being the sort of "wolf in sheep's clothing" that Jesus warned His followers to beware of: people who would come and use His name to cover for bad behavior.
Jesus welcomed all. Under His teachings, NO PERSON can be said to be "not anyone's daughter/son" because Jesus specifically and repeatedly taught that ALL PEOPLE are the daughters and sons of God.
And how can a daughter of God not be welcome at an event in her Father's house? Cathy ruined her own life by putting her desire to exclude before her faith. Cathy doesn't need to be organizing ANY church events until she gets herself right with God and Jesus and learns to be a good representative of the faith she claims to hold.
Right now, she's pushing people away from the church by being nasty and claiming nastiness in the name of Jesus. Way to be a warrior for your faith by seeing to it that a wolf in sheep's clothing was removed from a position where she was causing damage.
Start_a_riot271 wrote:
NTA and please please please don't feel bad that the angry old woman ruined her own position at the church. I was raised in a church but my family fell out when people like Cathy started taking all the leadership positions and no one stood up to them.
That church has sense become a haven for hatred and it makes me so sad. People like Cathy give religious people a bad name and don't deserve and power within the church.
ahknewb wrote:
Cathy seems to exemplify the phrase: There is no hatred quite like Christian love
Good job standing your ground and standing up for your daughter-in-law. NTA.
bamf1701 wrote:
NTA. It’s is very telling that it all the people who helped you who complained to the powers that be. It means that this wasn’t just you that was outraged about Cathy’s actions. And I’ll bet that it wasn’t just about this one incident - that there are other incidents in the past.
If getting booted from this one even ruined Cathy’s life, then she didn’t have much of a life to begin with. Trust me - you didn’t cause this. Cathy’s own behavior caused this. She simply doesn’t want to take responsibility for her own choices.
KalietheBlaze wrote:
NTA. Wow, what a cruel, small-minded busybody Cathy is. What harm was there in including your DIL? Who was hurt by her presence? I love how she was good enough to help with tasks/chores but not good enough to stay for the relaxed fun part.
Duewerewolf1 wrote:
NTA - a few years ago my 88 yo Mother started exhibiting signs of dementia and my sister A basically moved in with her. Honoring Mom's wish to live out her days at home.
A is a SAHM - only three teenagers (two who could drive) left at home with BIL and two adult kids about a mile away from them at the time. Mom lived only a few miles from A, and my other sister and I (who lived states away) visited as often as possible to give her a break.
A few weeks later, and only about a week before my Mom passed, one of the women in her church actually told A that she was horrible for abandoning her family. Not, how can we help, do you need anything, nothing but judgement. I am still livid about that remark and it is 5 years later.
OP responded:
That is truly awful, I am so sorry that happened. Your sister did a wonderful thing.