'AITA for canceling a trip because my friend can’t afford it? I think she wants me to cover her.'

"AITA for canceling a trip because my friend can’t afford it?"

I (20f) have a close friend (21f) who has been asking me for months to go to LA for a fun summer trip. Now, we live around 8 hours away so I kinda just assumed we would fly and the other day when she brought it up I told her we should probably book our flights soon. To that she looked really confused and told me how she couldn’t afford plane tickets and she wanted to drive.

I was sorta confused because if she can’t afford a $150 plane ticket how was she planning to pay for the activities and places SHE wants to go (Nobu, jetskiing, shopping, clubs etc) which all add up quickkk. She also doesn’t have her license which means I would have to do all the driving which would be hard as I have bad back issues and driving for so long would be painful.

She kinda just laughed and said since I have money she assumed I would pay for a majority of her expenses. I was shocked because why would she assume I would pay for her expenses without even asking? I have no problem covering something like drinks or ice cream but to assume I would pay for everything by myself except for the hotel? (we had previously agreed to split the hotel 50/50)

I told her that this trip was her idea and she shouldn’t have asked me to go if she was expecting me to pay for everything. She’s upset and complaining about how it’s unfair since I can afford to pay for her, AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Teleporting_Cat wrote:

NTA. I can empathize with being in your friend's position - I have a super close friend who is a fair bit more well off than I am. Sometimes she suggests activities for us to do together, and I have to say "I'd love to, but I don't have the budget for that," and sometimes that's that, but sometimes she offers to pay.

I used to feel really bad about accepting, until we sat down and talked about it, and she explained that she values sharing experiences with me, and she'd rather pay extra so we can have an experience together, than miss out or do the thing by herself.

I told her, "That makes sense, but I don't ever want to take advantage of you, or feel like I'm freeloading," So, we've found a balance where I pay what I can. Sometimes that means that she pays for a meal, and I'll pay for parking, or I'll cover the tip.

Sometimes that means that she takes us out to do XYZ thing, and I'll take us out to do something cheaper - like, she pays for us to go skydiving, and I pay for us to go to the aquarium. If *I was doing the inviting for expensive experiences, I would expect to be paying or at least splitting.

If I really wanted us to do something together that I couldn't afford, I would ASK if she was okay with covering that, and offer to cover something else. I think it's not cool of your friend to plan expensive activities without talking to you about how to split costs fairly. You are not the AH.

Icy_Huckleberry8049 wrote:

Driving would be more expensive than flying and take longer.

Flying is a time saver.

OP responded:

Exactly! But as she wasn’t planning on paying for gas and wasn’t driving either she clearly didn’t care.

Responsible-Start307 wrote:

NTA.

Of course this "friend" is upset. She was dreaming of having a vacation on your dime. You maturely began talking about plans and checking expectations and on discovering her expectations squashed the idea.

Good for you!

Please don't let her pouting and toxic complaining bother you. True friends would never have expected you to pay for them at all. Users are looking to take the easy Road by having other people pay for them. This is not a true friend.

OP responded:

Thanks I appreciate it!

Ends-Ining wrote:

NTA. At least she showed her true colours.

In your shoes, I'd tell a "friend" like this that I was hurt by the assumption and felt used. I'd need some time to think about things, and to give some space. You'll reach out when you're ready to discuss again.

HalloweenHallow wrote:

“She kinda just laughed and said since I have money she assumed I would pay for a majority of her expenses.”

🚩🚩🚩 Red flag alert. Absolutely no. This is super out-of-line.

If you still want to go on the trip, you can try to find common ground while reminding her that details need to be agreed upon. This way, you can find a plan that suits you both. That said, you’re well within your right to forego the trip.

Definitely NTA.

Top-Spite-1288 wrote:

Wow! Entitlement is strong in your friend! NTA. Friend wants to go to places, expects OP to drive, use her car, foot the bills - because friend wants to do things! She's not a friend, she's a user. She did not even ask you to borrow (!) her money, she just expected you to cough up the money. Sorry to say: that is not a friend! Cut her loose!

General-Attitude9366 wrote:

What the hell, this is not a friend this is someone seeing you as a piggy bank to fund their vacation!! So they weren't going to offer you gas money to drive 8 hours across the county? Absolutely not.

Even if you don't want the money, it would at least be expected to offer a contribution. Or a "if you pay for gas I'll pay for the hotel, activities, etc." hard pass. Enjoy a vacation with someone who isn't taking you for granted, you'll have a much better time.