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Blabbing BIL infuriates pregnant wife, 'he thinks it's cute he spoiled the reveal.' AITA?

Blabbing BIL infuriates pregnant wife, 'he thinks it's cute he spoiled the reveal.' AITA?

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"AITA for canceling my gender reveal?"

curiousmamma4

My husband (33M) and I (30F) had a plan to do a very small gender reveal on Easter for my husband’s family. Since this is our last child and we missed out on doing all the fun stuff like a gender reveal for our other child (4M) due to COVID restrictions, I just wanted to get this experience once.

Well my brother-in-law (29M), my husband’s brother, has harassed my husband for weeks to be told the gender since we have known for about 2 months now. He consistently kept telling him no, he needed to wait for the gender reveal.

Well last night my husband finally had enough of his brother harassing him and just gave him and texted him the gender. I was not asked if this was okay, he just did it on his own.

This is not the first time my brother-in-law has made everything about what he wanted and not what we wanted. He also had told family we were pregnant without our permission before we had announced to everybody because he felt he could and we “never told him not to tell anybody” along with many other things over the years.

So really just most things with him are a sensitive topic for me. Well when I found out that he was told, and he told his wife, I told my husband I had no interest in doing the gender reveal anymore.

My husband had already slipped to his mom by using the gender related pronouns when talking about to baby so she already knows the gender, which means her husband does too. There were only going to be 6 people at his gender reveal.

Now 4 out of those 6 people already know the gender. I said that it’s not worth all my time, effort, and money to buy everything and set it up to only be surprising 2 people. It’s just not worth it in my eyes.

I’m now being told that I’m just ridiculous, an a$$h0l3, overly emotional, and need to go see a therapist for my “mental instability” for being extremely angry that my brother-in-law got his way again and that I don’t even want a gender reveal anymore.

I honestly feel like my brother-in-law, yet again, took away my chance of getting a once in a life time experience (he has done similar things such as announcing our pregnancy for us without our permission, things involving our wedding, etc). So what do you all think? AITA for just canceling the whole reveal because it’s basically ruined already anyway?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's story:

Kasparian

You have a husband problem, not a BIL problem. Your BIL is obnoxious to be sure, but your husband is the one who caved and told his brother and told his mom. He’s also the one telling you you’re mentally unstable because you’re disappointed in his actions.

solo_throwaway254247

Exactly! Husband is the problem here, not BIL. BIL sucks for sure. But hubby enables him. And prioritizes him over his wife's feelings. Hubby doesn't have OP's back at all.

ClassicTrue9276

NTA. You are not mentally unstable, your brother-in-law overstepped and is trying to get you to stop being angry without him apologizing. Your husband needs to apologize to you, and it sounds like your bil has a long list of apologies.

After that, your husband needs to stop telling him things that aren't public yet. When my adult son had an important announcement to make, I asked him to make sure he told his aunts and uncles privately before they put anything on social media.

It never occurred to me that it was mine to announce. In the social media age, knowing who an announcement belongs to, and when it goes public, is important.

IndependenceHot9023

If you’re being called “mentally unstable” for reacting emotionally to having your boundaries violated, run. NTA. Your husband is for not standing up for you, protecting you, or having the balls to tell his brother that his immediate wants are not as important as yours. He’s allowed this multiple times.

You need to accept that he values his brother’s demands more than your feelings, and respond accordingly. He will not stop doing this unless he is incentivized to do so, and that will probably be for a completely selfish reason.

If you eventually leave him over this kind of stuff, he will have “no idea” why you left him and will totally make himself the victim. He does not value your feelings if he’s overstepping your boundaries, and letting people disrespect you (or disrespecting you himself).

My question is, are you wanting to cancel the gender reveal because it won’t be fun for you anymore, or are you doing it to try to “punish” others by refusing to do something you’d normally want to do and in the hopes of teaching them a lesson?

I ask because I used to do that, and all I did was rob myself of experiences I wanted to have, all just to have selfish people either not feel bad at all, or martyr themselves and try to guilt me about it.

Based on what I’ve read in the OP, if you cancel this gender reveal you’ll always regret not doing what you wanted to do, you’ll resent your brother in law and husband even more than you already do, and they will likely throw it in your face later (“you canceled OUR child’s gender reveal because you were pouting,” or “you canceled the gender reveal because you said you didn’t WANT one anymore”).

If you want a gender reveal, even if a few people know about it, do it. Do it for you, do it for your child, do it out of spite and let your brother in law AND your husband know that they’re not going to get in the way of your plans, your special moments or your good time.

Shichimi88

Nta. I miss the days when gender reveal parties were not a thing.

So, do you think the OP is being to sensitive here? If you could give them any advice, what would you say?

Sources: Reddit
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