Daughter cancels Thanksgiving cruise after they pay for sibling and charge her $10K 'back rent.' AITA?
"AITA For canceling on our family cruise?"
throwra-vacay
So, my parents wanted to do a cruise for the holidays. They invited me (25f), my boyfriend (27M), my brother (28M), and his girlfriend (26F). My brother (let’s call him “James”) has always been the golden child. Some backstory:
Back in high school, when James was discovered to be selling pills, he was just “going through a phase”. Meanwhile, when I got caught smoking weed, my parents threatened to kick me out. James lost his scholarship and dropped out of college 3 different times, but he’s still perfect! I graduated a semester late and I didn’t try hard enough.
James still lives in the state where he attending college, and I live in my home state near my parents. He doesn’t work, he’s not currently in school. My parents buy him flights all the time to come visit, but don’t buy me a flight to go see him or go anywhere else.
My parents send him money for rent and life necessities. He bought a $2,000 dog recently with that money. When I got my first big job at age 22, my parents immediately kicked me off their insurance since I had the option of benefits. James was on their insurance until he turned 26.
Last year, I got laid off and moved back in with my parents to save money. When I got my new job, my parents told me I needed to pay $10,000 in “back rent” which was never discussed previously. (I did finish paying it off and recently moved in with my boyfriend!)
This has been a pattern my WHOLE life. James gets everything handed to him and I have to work my ass off. So, now to the cruise. My parents said they wanted to do this, and bought tickets for themselves, James, and his girlfriend.
They told me to get my own ticket since I have a well-paying job. I was super upset, and told them it wasn’t fair that I was the only one who had to buy their own ticket. (My boyfriend couldn’t come due to holiday plans with his own family).
My parents said I was acting spoiled and that “green wasn’t a good look on me”. I am so tired of hearing that phrase at this point. They said it’s not like I had to get a nice room since we’d be outside it the majority of the time anyway—which is true, but then why get James a nice room?
I decided I had enough and I wasn’t going. But here’s where I may be the asshole. I let them continue thinking I was for months. Then, on the night before they left they said to get to their house by 8 am so we could start the drive to the port.
At 8:30 that day, they start messaging me asking where I am. I texted them “since you didn’t want to put the effort in to have me join you, I will be attending my boyfriend’s Thanksgiving instead. Have a nice trip with your favorite child.” Then I muted the chat.
I talked to some friends about this, and some said it was petty of me to cancel with no warning, and others said I should’ve sucked it up and gone since I would’ve had fun when I got there.
They’ve been on the cruise for a couple days now, and I’m starting to regret how I handled things. Yeah, I probably would’ve had fun, and it’s not like I couldn’t afford the ticket. I also could’ve handled the delivery better. But at the same time, I’m so sick of them treating me like this. So, AITA for cancelling on our family vacation?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
heyclau
It was definitely petty, but honestly, why would you want to spend more time with family that treats you like that? I understand them paying things to your brother since he can't afford and it's their money, but to imply that you're jealous when they're clearly favoring your brother all that time?!
They still went to the cruise, so I don't think it was a big deal. I'd go low to no contact with them, since they seem to be indifferent to your presence, and it would save you a lot of trouble too.
jquailJ36
This. I mean, OP, you might have had fun, but since you CAN afford the ticket and just resent being forced to while your brother and his girlfriend get a free ride, why not save the money now and go on a cruise with YOUR boyfriend later where you'll have fun AND not have to be constantly reminded you're not the favorite child?
babe_lemon
NTA. It's understandable that you're frustrated by the unequal treatment and lack of consideration. You have a right to stand up for yourself and set boundaries with your family.
Not-a-Cranky-Panda
You did not cancel anything you're just not going, you cannot cancel something you never signed up for.
Kazu1008
Wait, did I read it correctly that they charged you $10k back rent, which had NEVER been discussed prior, and you PAID it?! NTA, but I would have gone low contact with them and definitely not even contemplated going on a trip with them. Save that for people that enjoy you OP.
ameinafan
They bought tickets for james AND his girlfriend? They even like his girlfriend more than you? Hmmmm...NTA...if you're to be the black sheep anyway, give them a proper reason.
kukonimz
NTA. Your parents are AH and they should be grateful you still talk to them, though I don’t really understand why you do.
g3l33m
What exactly did you cancel? Paying for your own ticket to go on a vacation someone else invited you on? That's your right. I'd ditch the parents too personally...