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Father chooses sister over daughter after revelations of cheating and a painful divorce. AITA?

Father chooses sister over daughter after revelations of cheating and a painful divorce. AITA?


"AITA for choosing my sister over my daughter?"


My ex wife (33F) and I (34M) finalized our divorce last year. Long story short, she was having an emotional affair with a guy at work. She’s now in a relationship with him. We also have a co parenting arrangement for our daughter (14F). My daughter is very close to her mom, and she even sided with her on her affair.

For the first few months after the divorce, I did try to maintain a friendly relationship with my daughter, I gave her gifts, I never blamed her mom, I tried my best. But my daughter was always extremely cold with me.

After a few months, she just straight up told me that she liked her step dad much more than me, and he was the man my ex wife deserved as a husband, and the man she deserved as a daughter.

I had no clue why she even said that to me, and that was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me in my life. I broke down really bad that night, and took the next couple of days off work.

After a couple of days, I decided that I wanted to emotionally and financially distance myself from my daughter, and that I would do the bare minimum possible and fulfill my legal and financial obligations till she was 18.

All this time, my sister was only one there to support to me. I had no other family, my parents were long gone. My sister had gone through a similar thing a few years ago, her husband had cheated on her. Luckily she had no children, but that experience had devastated her so much that she said she wasn’t going to date ever again because she had lost trust in all men.

After I had made the decision to distance myself from my daughter, I started removing her as the primary beneficiary from all my financial accounts, my 401k, etc and instead put my sister as the beneficiary.

I started withdrawing from the college funds I had saved for my daughter, and used it on myself and for my sister. This wasn’t a one way thing, my sister earns more than me.

Over the past few months, I have received more gifts from her than I have received from my ex wife in my entire life. We also went on a 2 week vacation to Europe. All in all, I have emotionally and financially distanced myself from my daughter, and I am doing the absolute bare minimum possible.

I have plans to never speak to her ever again after she turns 18, I just want to finish off my legal and financial obligations to her. My daughter has definitely noticed this change in my behavior, but she hasn’t said anything yet.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


INFO This is impossible to judge. I'm always very wary of a story when a kid acts this way. Mom could have manipulated her, or you might not have had much of a relationship with her to begin with—I'm having a hard time picturing you two being close if she casts you off this easily.

And it's weird how you said you "gave her gifts" as one of your two examples of trying your best. And then you remove all financial ties—which seems very manipulative. But I'm not going to judge your whole circumstance by reading between the lines. That's not fair.

I think you need to talk to an objective party like a therapist, not just for you mental health, but also to give you insight into whether your best was truly good. The internet really isn't the place. Sorry you're going through that.


This is the most mature, measured, and absolutely accurate take I have ever seen on the internet.


I think everyone here needs to talk to professionals. It isn't healthy, especially to a 14 year old. Keep your door open just in case for the future.


14 yo girls are notoriously cranky and difficult. I'm sure every single parent of a teen girl has received a figurative knife to the heart...while at the same time I agree what your daughter said was horrid and anyone would curl up into a fetal position and cry!!!

Having said that, I do agree that your x is likely feeding her all types of BS. I'm not an expert on what to do, but am absolutely sure that withdrawing will only serve to justify things. Certainly therapy would be a good start for you. I'm sorry you're going through this!


Dude, you need to do family therapy with your daughter, and stick with it a good long while. What she's said and done is awful, but she's also 14 and probably being manipulated by her mom and step dad.


I guarantee you what your daughter said came straight from her trashy mother.


NTA but this sounds like her mom is poisoning her against you. You might want to talk to her one last time and tell her you're about leave her alone for good if she continues to act this way. Also talk to a lawyer.


I sense some missing stairs [edit: or missing missing reasons]. Kids with great dads don't randomly ditch that dad. It sounds like, whether you saw it or not, you were not a present or connected parent. You haven't been someone she feels safe with or reliant on.

Consider this: you wrote your daughter off completely after just a few months of bratty teen behavior. And she noticed. And she hasn't said anything. You did what she expected. And yes, it's an ah move to cut a literal child off so quickly. But again. You did what she expected.


Bro she is 14, act like a fucking adult and act like a father. It's your responsibility to work at that relationship and meet her where she is at. You are treating her like a fully grown adult not a hormonal raging teen whose brain is a decade from being fully developed.

I have 3 daughters 18, 14 and 11 so I know what I'm talking about. Each one is different, each relationship is different and it is up to me as their Dad to meet them where they are at, find ways to connect and talk.

Update: My oldest found a love for baseball, we watch Bravea games together, go to ballfield etc. My middle loves the outdoors so we go camping, offroading and hiking together Youngest is my gamer girl, so we play games together, recently she wanted to go fishing so we did. We do lots of things as a family as well.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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