'AITA for 'controlling' what my BF eats by asking him to stop eating raw garlic? UPDATED 2X
We all have our limits when it comes to the quirks of a partner.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for "controlling" what her boyfriend eats. She wrote:
"AITA for controlling what my (23f) boyfriend (24m) eats?'
Throwaway because I don’t want him to find this, but I’m honestly at my wit’s end here. I (23f) have been dating my boyfriend “Jake” (24m) for four years. I’d say we’re a happy couple overall, but lately this argument has come up that’s divided us. He’s always had...unique.tastes. Cereal with orange juice instead of milk, mayo and butter sandwiches, and raw onions have been the worst culprits.
I’ve put up with these. We all have our quirks, right? Well two weeks ago he started eating garlic as his midnight snack. Raw. Cloves. Of. Garlic. I can’t share a drink with him without it reeking of garlic somehow. And kissing him? It’s like shoving a clove straight in your mouth.
He swears he’s only eating them “because he didn’t want them to go to waste” and that he would stop once he finished the head of garlic, but just when I finally thought it was over I caught him sneaking a second one into the kitchen last night when he thought I was asleep. I confronted him about his secret grocery trip this morning and he got really defensive and denied it.
I’m trying not to be a nag here, but it’s really wearing on me. The garlicky aura surrounding him makes me want to avoid him at all costs. But like, I don’t want to do that because he’s my boyfriend. AITA for giving him an ultimatum of no more eating garlic?
Shortly after posting, OP shared an update/edit.
EDIT FOR CONTEXT:
His diet seems healthy overall and he goes to the gym a lot. He had a dr’s appointment not long ago and I don’t think anything came up? But I can ask him to go again.
Sorry if the title is confusing, I just feel bad because I did give him an ultimatum this morning which I know isn’t good. I really love him and don’t want to break up but I just don’t know what to do. He hasn’t come back since this morning.
The post inspired a lot of comments and questions.
VegetableBusiness897 wrote:
NTA.
Just ask him if he's lowkey trying to get you to break up with him.
jrm1102 wrote:
NAH - If you really cant stand the smell, you can convey that.
OP responded:
I tried to explain when I talked to him this morning. I told him that the other weird food combos don’t really bother me but the particular smell of this is too much. He said that I just need more time to get used to it, but it’s been nearly 2 weeks already :(
QfromP wrote:
Sorry, but the only way you'll get desensitized is if you eat the raw garlic with him. You won't get used to it just being around it long enough. BTW, if it hasn't already, it'll change the way his sweat smells. It's possible your BF is suffering from some kind of vitamin deficiency. Maybe a trip to the doctor is in order.
OP responded:
I tried that too 😭 When he first started I ate a bite just to see if it was actually good. But I just can’t bring myself to eat any more.
He’s not talking to me since this morning, but I’ll try texting him tmrw about a doctors appointment.
Arianoor wrote:
I mean, NTA, ‘cause you aren’t actually controlling what he’s eating, you tried to work with him. However, sounds like a nutritional deficiency to me. Iron, calcium, and vitamin C come to mind. (Don’t quote me, I just have a nutrition obsessed MIL who likes to share.) What’s his diet look like? I’d say a doctor’s appointment and a full blood panel are in order.
OP responded:
Besides the occasional “unique” food choice I think his diet’s pretty healthy. He eats his vegetables and gets protein and all that, and he goes to the gym.
NotyJewel wrote:
Very bizarre unless he's found a way to push you and intimacy away, sorry but looking in that makes sense. Is there anything else going on??
OP responded:
We haven’t been going on our usual dates for the past two-ish months and he’s had to leave to take calls a bit, but that’s just because he’s been swamped at work. Nothing weird. His busy season is almost over though which is good!
somedumbhuman0 wrote:
NTA. Title is misleading. if you do start trying to control what he eats THEN you become the AH.
OP responded:
Sorry if I wasn’t clear - when we argued this morning I did tell him that I couldn’t be with him if he kept doing it. He just turned it on me and said that I’ll get used to it, but also that he didn’t buy any more?? I’m just so confused. He’s usually not like this.
A day later OP shared a major update.
Thank you all for your advice yesterday. It gave me a lot to think about. As it turns out, some of your comments ended up being spot on. Yesterday evening, I tried texting him about seeing a doctor like you guys suggested. He never replied. I guess he still has me muted. I spent the night tossing and turning. I kept going over what I was going to say to him when he got home.
Not that it mattered, because he didn’t come back last night. That worried me, so this morning I checked his location. He stopped sharing it with me through his phone, but I guess he forgot I can still see it on Snapchat. It showed him about 30 minutes away at some house off a random backroad. I was pretty confused and honestly panicked - all his friends that I know of live in the city.
I tried to call him again and was sent to voicemail, so I drove over there to see what was up. When I got to the house, I noticed a woman about my age gardening in the front yard. I was pretty upset already, so I flat out asked her if she had seen my partner. She seemed surprised and asked if I meant Jake. She invited me inside and there he was.
Apparently, she’s into gardening and they met at her stand last fall when he went to stock up on onions at our local farmers market. They hit it off and have been seeing each other for the past 6 months, and made it official back when his “busy season” started. She said lately she’s been giving Jake the garlic she grew last summer since it’s going to go bad soon.
That’s why he was so insistent on eating it by himself instead of cooking it into a shared dish like normal, and why he’s been eating onions like an apple instead of letting me use them on my sandwiches. He didn’t want to give me her presents because, in his own words, “she grew it with love for me” and “if you ate them you would have known.” (???)
At that point I saw red so I just left. Since then Jake’s been blowing up my phone about how we can fix this and that he won’t do it again but I’m so over it at this point. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, while I was moving his stuff to the curb I found his stash of garlic. Shoved in the back of his closet was 1 POUND of garlic in a home depot bucket along with letters she had written him.
I’m keeping the garlic. l don’t think we can ever come back from his cheating, but I’m going to at least get some good meals out of this terrible situation. Please send me your favorite recipes to use the garlic in. I need a distraction to keep my mind off of everything.
TL;DR He’s been cheating on me with a garlic farmer for the past 6 months. I wish I was joking.
The internet was as stunned as OP.
EnvironmentalScene76 wrote:
I really don’t want to be laughing at OP's misfortune, but finding love letters that your boyfriend’s garlic farmer affair partner has written him next to a pound of garlic in a home depot bucket is a hilarious mental image. BTW, there are some fantastic recipes involving garlic confit, and you can puree or mince and freeze garlic in cubes to use as needed!
ThePfeiff wrote:
Imagine you started selling the extraneous produce from your garden at a farmer's market. You meet a cute guy, hit it off together and date for about 6 months. Occasionally, you give him some onions or garlic or whatever you couldn't sell. You'd rather they be eaten than go to waste and it's something nice to do for you boyfriend. One day, your boyfriend asks to stay the night out of the blue.
You accept not thinking anything other than maybe he's feeling down or just wants to spend time with you. The next day, you're out in your garden doing your thing when a woman pulls into your driveway out in the middle of nowhere. She asks if you've seen her boyfriend. Horrified at the implication but wanting to know the truth about what's going on, you invite her in. Turns out, you're the other woman.
It also turns out that the onions and garlic you've given him he's just been...eating RAW!?!? He also thought that if he used them to cook, like a normal human being, that his other girlfriend would get suspicious. She leaves in a gust of righteous anger. You're left just staring at this man...
PapessaEss wrote:
I figured it was cheating but I honestly thought the garlic breath was a dumbass way to force OP to break up with him so it wasn't his fault. This was wayyyy dumber. Wow. I'm impresssed!
Born_Ad8420 wrote:
I need "I'm keeping the garlic" as flair.
Well, this certainly escalated.