'AITA for divorcing my husband for making out with my sister when he was drunk?'
"AITA for divorcing my husband of 10 years for making out with sister when he was drunk?"
For some background: I (35F) have been married to my husband "Jacka$s" (38M) for 10 years, together for 13. My sister "DeadToMe" (33F) and I have always been pretty close until recently. (more on this later). She is married to a wonderful man named Danny.
About 6 months ago, Jacka$s and I were going through some marital issues regarding money. I work full time as a nurse and he was working full time as a laborer until he got laid off.
I work PM's and have for about as long as we've been together. We have no children. So when Jacka$s got laid off, understandably he was upset and felt dejected. I constantly tried to reassure him and encourage him that he would find a new job.
Around mid November, he ended up getting a good paying job and all seemed back to normal. He works days, I work nights and it is stressful in that we couldn't see each other often, except on weekends.
He started complaining about this, basically demanding that I change my shift. I can't do that because the hospital I work in needs me in the ER on nights because of my experience. (It's crazy here in the ER every night).
We had several arguments about him changing shifts at his new job, which was available but he said no because his nights were for him to "relax and play video games" with his buddies. I said okay fine, then stop complaining that we hardly see each other. In one of our verbal fights, he said, "I feel like I'm single and maybe I should just act like I am."
I called my sister after that argument and cried on her shoulder. Usually, if we needed to talk, we turned to each other. BIG mistake. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, my sister called me crying and told me she had a confession and said, "Please don't hate me."
She proceeded to tell me that one night when I was at work, she came over to my house and drank with my husband. (Danny was also working nights).
In between sobs, she finally gets it out that she and Jacka$s were laughing, drinking and playing cards when all of a sudden he kissed her. She said they kissed and made out for about 5 minutes and that was it. I basically told her to f-ck off and hung up on her and went upstairs to confront Jacka%s.
At first he said she was lying for "attention" but I knew. Then he said that they were both so drunk that he gave her a couple "pecks." I couldn't take his bullsh&t lying, so I told him to pack a bag and get the f--k out.
I called a divorce lawyer and am in the process of filing for a legal separation. My sister and my dad want me to forgive and forget because it was a "drunken mistake." My mom is completely on my side and is disgusted with them both. Danny has also left my sister and is divorcing her.
Jacka%s keeps calling me, texting me, leaving messages begging for forgiveness saying, "please don't throw away 13 years over a kiss." I know this is a stupid question, but AITAH? My husband, sister and father seem to think I am if I divorce him. Sorry it's so long, I wanted to add context and background.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
cjfeetlove said:
NTA of course. Did you ask why she went to your home when you are not there, I doubt that was just a drunk mistake.
Spare-Valuable8031 said:
NTA. Your husband and sister don't get an opinion because they have ulterior motives, so just throw that right out the window. As for your dad, ask him exactly how far a "drunken mistake" has to go before it's cheating.
15 minutes of making out? Where EXACTLY is the line? Cuz from where I'm sitting, the line appears to be on the wrong side of 'he made out with my sister." Also, she's sleeping with him. Even if she's not, you're always going to imagine that she is.
Calyptra_thalictri said:
NTA Even if it was actually "just a kiss" (doubtful! they've had time to get their stories straight!), it still wasn't "just a kiss." It was months of you and Jackass fighting, and Jackass refusing to switch shifts or find any other solution to see you more, and DeadToMe knowing full well how you and Jacka#s were doing and taking advantage of that situation with malice aforethought.
terkking said:
NTA, normally I try to give grace to people when they’re black out drunk. But it's clear they were drinking and did what they did because they truly wanted to. it’s evident when he lies about her wanting attention, only to change the story.
bmyst70 said:
NTA. He flat out said he should act as if he were single. Then he made out with your sister. Drunkenness is no excuse. He wanted to anyways and just let it happen. As did she. Now he will be single. Thankfully you don't have any kids.
McNuggeteer said:
NTA 5 minutes is NOT a mistake, drunk or not!