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'AITA for divorcing my husband after 6 months?' 'We paid half of EVERYTHING.'

'AITA for divorcing my husband after 6 months?' 'We paid half of EVERYTHING.'


"AITA for divorcing my stingy husband after 6 months?"

My husband (26m) and I (24f) have been married for 6 months, together for 3 years. When we met, it was seemingly as though the stars had aligned and everything was perfect. My family loved him and his family loved me and we built a great network of friends around us.

Where we’re from, it’s common for adults (men and women) to continue living with their parents until they get married, so that’s what we were both doing. At the time, he was working a decent job for his age and skill level, while I was doing some freelance work and trying to build a business because where we live, I’m not legally allowed to work as foreign woman despite being highly overqualified.

Anyway fast forward to 3 months before the wedding, I got distracted trying to plan everything (his family wanted a big wedding) and we spent a lot of time looking for a place and furnishing it (we split everything in half but legally, he’s required to pay rent although once I was making enough I fully intended on splitting 50/50).

It was stressful but we eventually got through, however my plans to launch my business got pushed back and I had to postpone taking on any new clients until after we’re settled. Once we started living together, the problems began.

He almost never helped out with household chores or anything, so I would end up spending hours each day doing so. He also expected dinner to be ready by the time he got home, but didn’t like it when I worked after he’s back, so I almost never had time to focus on my work. And despite making it abundantly clear that I had no intention of ever becoming a “housewife” — it seemed like I unintentionally found myself in the role.

The issue is that he expected me to do all the “homemaker” duties without fulfilling any of his “breadwinner” responsibilities. He would constantly bring up that he pays the rent and pays the bills. He would always blindside me by getting groceries without me so he can pick and choose what he deems necessary without taking into account that I have to deal with cooking and using what he bought for the house.

He would argue with me for HOURS whenever I’d ask him for money to pay my phone bill or get a cup of coffee when out with friends (mind you I never asked him to take me shopping for instance and he never has) yet he was perfectly fine splurging on himself every month as soon as his paycheck came in.

When I suggested a grocery budget of around $200 PER MONTH, he told me it was too much and asked me to cut it down, so for a while all we ate was chicken, tuna, and eggs for dinner. Eventually, he told me he’s been dealing with some debt due to all the wedding expenses 6 months prior, but 2 days later went on to buy himself a new luxury watch.

He also doesn’t support me emotionally, mentally, or professionally, and constantly minimizes what I do despite the fact he knows well I’m on a road to success. I have brought up my concerns in every way possible and tried to find every solution for our problems, but he never seemed to care or listen.

A few weeks ago we had a big fight and I blew up everything by telling my family, who were shocked by everything I told them and think divorce now is better than once kids are involved.

Since the fight, he said he’d been working on himself and towards fixing our issues, and said that it’s only been 6 months and that I should give our marriage a chance. I’m not sure I have any more chances left to give. So, AITA for blowing up the marriage only 6 months after saying our vows?

Later, OP edited the post to include:

Yes, I LEGALLY can’t work where I live, I can’t say where but that’s the situation as it isI live here because I was born and raised here, moved to the us for university for 4 years (worked and paid my own bills), then moved back after graduating.

Yes, I applied for jobs all over the world and considered all my options — it’s easy to judge someone’s decisions when you have a western passport but I don’t.

Yes, we discussed all these things before marriage, and we were supposedly on the same page but you don’t know until you live with someone. No, we can’t live together before marriage, that’s just how our culture is although I wish that weren’t the case.

No, I’m no leech and would never expect someone to pay for my lifestyle (if a decent dinner is called lifestyle), if it were up to me I’d have postponed the wedding a year till my business hits the ground running but our culture looks down upon long relationships without marriage.

He didn’t pay the wedding expenses himself and I confirmed a million times if he’s capable which he said he was. I brought up postponing the wedding multiple times and he refused. We paid half of EVERYTHING leading up to the wedding (groom & family pays for the wedding, bride & family pays for the engagement and legal ceremony...

We made sure they cost the same). I didn’t want a big wedding, his family did and I did everything I can to keep costs as low as possible without getting help. My company is in the creative industry, I have a decent enough following that I’m soon going to monetize, I built a team of some of the smartest people I know.

I registered in my home country and operate online/overseas so nothing illegal is taking place, we’re about to sign our first client at 6 figuresI didn’t complain about chores and did my homemaker duties in silence because I knew I wasn’t contributing financially, but after he mentioned his debt, I doubled down on my working hours (10-12 active working, not scrolling).

So I can move things along to pay off his debtTo those saying chores don’t take hours, good for you for being efficient, but given my lack of financial contribution, I wasn’t going to allow someone to say “she’s keeping him in an unclean home” so yes, it took me hours.

As many have pointed out, there’s a lot of cultural aspects in the situation that I simply can’t get into without making this the longest AITAH post ever. I can’t reply to everyone but THANK YOU for all the kind words and support you guys have been giving me.

I can’t express enough how truly shocked I am by the massive support from online strangers I’m receiving. Your advice and support means a lot more than you know. Gonna keep you guys updated lol.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Lopsided_Put4682 said:

NTA, you aren't divorcing him cause he's stingy, stingy would be he's buying the cheapest brands to save a buck, but the man is out there bying luxury watches. You're divorcing him for being sexist, unsupporting and completely lacking in empathy.

Ideally you'd have seen those signs before you married, but you have seen absolutely no effort on his part on trying to change his behavior after getting married so I can't see how waiting any more would improve anything.

Efficient_Poetry_187 said:

NTA. This honestly is how financial abuse starts. He wants to control all the money while actively impeding your attempts to get your business up and running so you are completely dependent on him. Men like this have very fragile egos so thread carefully.

Don’t rush into leaving without getting all your ducks in a row. You said you can’t work in that country as a foreigner, is there a way for him to mess with your visa status? I would put on a brave face while you get your exit strategy worked out.

FitzDesign said:

This stinginess is only another aspect of his controlling you. When you work, what you eat, when you go out etc. Call it what you will but to me he is an abuser and the longer you stay with him, the worse it’s going to get.

Get out now before it becomes worse. Yeah he’s not hitting you but he’s still abusing you and his current working on himself will only last until the current storm dies down.

You need to move on and divorce his sorry a%s. Explain it to your parents so they don’t freak out but even if they do move on. If you stay with him, then you are being the AH to yourself. NTA.

Odd_Welcome7940 said:

Leave... it's that simple. Way to many red flags from various directions. Cultural ones, personal ones, view ones, morals ones. Way to many. Don't get mad, get ghost. NTA

Jaded-Kitty87 said:

NTA, this is love bombing and he'll change for a little bit but then go right back to his awful ways once you agree to stay...

Dramatic_Inside271 said:

He's not stingy he's just selfish. He thinks everything about your relationship should serve him and I highly doubt he'll change that. He's setting you up to trap you and leave you with no financial means to leave. DO NOT GET PREGNANT

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