'AITA for divorcing my husband even though he has no means to support himself?' 'He got hurt on his job.'
"AITA for divorcing my husband even though he has no means to support himself?"
After being married for 13yrs I discovered my husband had a child outside of our marriage with a person that specifically wasn’t welcome in our home. Backstory- My soon to be ex-husband were high school sweethearts. Life happens and we lost touch for a significant amount of years.
When we reconnected each of us had a child from a previous relationship. Everything was a love bubble for the first few years and then he got hurt on his job. He ended up having major surgery but because of the nature of his work he could no longer perform the job he was hired to do and was eventually let go.
Mind you, when we reconnected, I had already owned my own home and he and his son moved in with me. I found out that he lied about the house he had been staying in before we were married, it belonged to his father not him.
He claimed that he could not help with household expenses because all of his money was tied into that home. Whelp, two years later, the house was foreclosed on and his father ended up living with us for four years, still no regular financial support for our home.
Things started to get financially stressful. At the time both of our children were in private schools. I suggested public school for a year to get back on track. He refused to take his son out and my daughter went to public school that year. Still, no regular financial support.
Admittedly, feeling stressed (My mother was dying from cancer), overworked, and worried about bills…intimacy was the last thing in my mind. During this time he had tried half a dozen different jobs and still was not offering financial support. About two more years go by, I was dissatisfied but still trying to stay committed.
I end up pregnant with our daughter. He was very controlling during the pregnancy, tried to tell me what I should and should not eat, random attitudes, we fought like cats and dogs. Fast forward…my daughter meets a new friend in kindergarten.
The mother brings her over for a few play dates but her vibe is completely wonkers. I tell my ex that I don’t mind the kids having play dates but she can be dropped off and picked up. I didn’t want that woman in my house, especially when I wasn’t home.
A few months, maybe even a year later my husband suspiciously suddenly backs out of a road trip we had planned. I take the kids and go. 8 months later he’s very agitated one weekend, snapping at me and everyone else. At the end of it all he confesses that this woman is pregnant and it is his.
I absolutely refuse to be financially responsible for his outside child or him any longer. He has agreed to leave but hasn’t saying he has no where to go. As far as I am concerned, that is not my problem. I have supported him and his oldest son for 13yrs.
I consider my bonus son my own son and we share a very close relationship, but this outside kid is ridiculous. Our children do not know the truth of his transgressions and I struggle with how to tell them we are getting divorced.
I haven’t asked for any support from him, not impeding his visitation or shared custody, I just want him to leave my house and me alone. I don’t think it’s my fault that during this whole time I’ve been carrying him he hasn’t maintained employment. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Warm-Category6041 said:
NTA and leaving him may give him an impetus to be a productive member of the society.
HamRadio_73 said:
NTA. Launch him and live your best life.
PixiePetal11 said:
Absolutely NTA. Financial responsibility in a relationship is a two-way street. If he's not contributing now, it's only going to weigh you down and impede your progress in life.
It's time to have a serious assessment of your future, which seems brighter without this dead weight. Best of luck, and make sure to secure your finances as you move forward.
calmly86 said:
NTA. After all you've done for him he decides the best way to show his gratitude is to cheat on you and try to move his affair-baby into your life? Make him kick rocks. No, it's not your fault he can't support himself. If he was physically able to knock the other woman up, he has enough physicality to get a job. He's not your responsibility.
GhostMassage said:
NTA but any sane person would have dumped this loser years ago.
SpiteWestern6739 said:
NTA, dude sounds like a lazy ahole, you would be an asshole to yourself and your kids if you kept working yourself to exhaustion for someone that cheated on you and had an affair baby, and contributes nothing to the household, think of the message that sends to your children, also tell your kids the truth before he fills their heads with lies