'AITA for divorcing my wife 8 years after she cheated? I think I can do better.' UPDATED

"AITAH for divorcing my cheating wife now that its in my best interest to do so?"

I (43m) discovered my wife's (44f) infidelity 8 years ago. My two kids were in primary school at that time so I gave her another chance. It was somewhat genuine as I was open to exploring if marriage can be saved and if it cant be, my kids would be older and can take the brunt of divorce better. I also refused to budge on 3rd kid that she wanted. I was not gonna bring another kid in this marriage.

To her credit she has been an ideal wife since then, worked on herself but I never really forgave her. I just learned to be okay with status quo. Until now.

I had a NSTEMI about a year ago. That changed my perspective. I got my cholesterol and blood pressure level down, start taking my fitness seriously and I am now in best shape of my life. That triggered self improvement in other areas of my life. My style, my profession etc.

With that came a nagging feeling, I can get a better partner than my wife. I want to go into retirement with a woman who never betrayed me. So I am leaving my wife.

I was honest with her about the reason. I think I can do better than her that's why I am leaving her. I told her she is still pretty which is somewhat true, but what I need is a person who never cheated on me and she cant be that person. Since our kids are older now her utility for me is decreasing with every passing day. There is no point delaying the inevitable.

She is not happy is an understatement. She is accusing me of using her. She is also distressed about not having a 3rd kid. Thinks that I robbed her of a 3rd kid. Which I find most outrageous. She was willing to bring another kid in a broken marriage that she broke. And even if I left her 8 years ago, was she going jump on any dick to get a baby. Has she no consideration of other 2 kids?

I am basically ignoring her attempts to goad me into arguments and marching forwards with divorce. I am in best position to divorce now, kids are older, I can date easily. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ThisOpportunity3022 says:

Get divorced and stay single.

Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 says:

It’s funny to me that he is basically saying she has aged, with the “still pretty” comment, but hasn’t taken into account that so has he. He reeks of someone in the midst of a midlife crisis. Also, all the good looks in the world don’t make up for being ugly on the inside.

access422 says:

Dude playing the long game here, brutal.

boxing_coffee says:

If I were in the dating scene and a man told me he left his wife because she cheated, I would feel sad for him. If he told me he left his wife because she no longer has any utility to him, I would run for the hills.

Dude thinks he is a gem now, but I think he might have more work to do and doesn't realize it. If he goes into another marriage with this attitude, he is destined for a second divorce. I'm going with ESH.

SakiraInSky says:

Prediction: he will leave her then crash and burn on the dating circuit and try to go crawling back to her.

Update from OP the next day:

I am making this post because many people private messaged me and I was not able to reply to them due to error on my previous account. I am also not able to post with previous account. So I will just reply to people here.

No I am not going to go on a date with my wife to see if I can make it work. I am not interested in making it work.

I find weird amount of people fixated on possibility of dating a younger woman. I am here to put your mind at ease. I am only interested in dating a woman in my age bracket. So people having meltdowns over possibility of me dating younger women, you can go to sleep now. (I am curious though, is it some kind of existential fear of people if I date a younger woman?, )

There are lot of messages telling me that they understand why she cheated. I assume they are saying that I am to blame for her cheating. If that's the case, I am making a right call to leave.

People who are saying that I am sickly and going to die from heart attack during s$x. Yes I probably will. Yes I still have the audacity to live life despite that knowledge

Also people here saying that I owe it to her to forgive her. No I dont, no one owes you forgiveness no matter what. You are not entitled to it. Its not something that you give and other person gets to take. you have to make the decision to forgive everyday.

I suggest people with this thinking to re-evaluate your views. Its better to not cheat then to feel entitled for forgiveness. Because you are not, no matter the cost you pay.

I talked to my wife. After my Heart attack I thought of what my future would look like. I just want a nice and quit retirement. Go for a walk in a park, feed some pigeons and stray cats, raise a puppy, watch some old television, sleep.. I dont want to travel, I dont want to go on a cruise like my parents. I do wanna see northern lights and experience a total solar eclipse.

I want a partner with me to do all that, and she can not be that person. I dont see her as part of my future, I see her as a memory that will fade away with time. I told her to plan her future away from me. I think she is starting to accept it. Time will tell.

And finally I would like to thank people who messaged me in support. I read all your messages, My wife also read the post and your messages. She has lot of thinking to do but she is finally accepting the reality of the situation.

Either she will see me as a bad person like many commentators do or she will see it from my perspective. Whatever she choose to do, its her life now. She gets to take responsibility for it from now on. My reality is a second shot at life.

Here's what people had to say after the update:

onewaytojupiter says:

Fair position but can't help feel grossed out about you describing her as "of decreasing utility to me" and "jumping on dick to get a baby" when you should have stopped at the important part about being with someone who doesn't betray you.

Zaza1019 says:

Moving on from a cheating spouse is fine, but also waiting 8 years to do it is way more messed up, especially if you're giving off the impression that things are better and that she has worked on herself and lived up to her end of things in the forgiving process by being a good partner in that time frame by all accounts.

feelingfroggy123 says:

My dad cheated on my Mom with a younger women. Claimed my mom was of no use anymore. He got sick and the younger girl was gone. My mom took care of him until he passed 2 years later. Guess he found she was useful after all.

LittleBirdy_Fraulein says:

i mean…he stayed with her for the kids, that’s it. so…he’s right. it’s kind of a blunt way to put it, but now that the kids are grown there’s no reason for him stay with her. she cheated. idk why so many people are attacking this man.

Tamerlane_Tully says:

I think that isn't what he actually described. He thought he could live with the infidelity and for a long while he could. Until the day he couldn't anymore.