'AITA for snooping on my cousin's BF and discovering the shocking truth about his identity?'
"AITA for finding out who my cousin's boyfriend really is?"
My cousin started dating a guy who sounded really good on paper. Excellent education credentials, great job and impressive history of former employment, from a very successful family, independently very wealthy. My cousin seemed very, very happy in this relationship and all of our family were happy for her. Some red flags appeared for several family members though.
Inaccuracies in back stories and some claims that seemed overblown. A need to tell every person he met in the family how wealthy and successful he was, grandiose plans for the future. My cousin is also well-educated and a self-made person who has a great job, property and a very genuine, trusting and generous personality.
The family began to get worried that some of the things weren't true about the boyfriend and that it could lead to her being taken advantage of at worst or made a fool of at best. She began looking at very expensive houses to buy with him and making plans to relocate. He claimed to have been living in the same small town as me at one point which peaked my interest.
I did some asking around and some Internet digging and discovered that literally none of the claims he made are true. He doesn't have a college education, doesn't have a job, isn't from where he claims he is from, lied about his entire family background. Everything is the opposite of what he said. I have proof. Other family members did the same and found the same results as I did.
I told my already concerned aunt who then passed this information on to my cousin. She is understandably very angry that we looked into him and his background. He is angry at us for not giving him a chance to tell her the truth about who he really is and why he lied about everything.
There is a lot of hurt and upset on all sides and my cousin is retreating from the family and standing united with the boyfriend and blaming us for causing him undue upset. She says he should have been allowed to tell her about his past in his own time.
AITA for digging around on his background and uncovering this or should I have just ignored the red flags and let sleeping dogs lie? Let my cousin find out for herself? I thought I was protecting her but now I feel terrible about the whole thing even though the boyfriend's lies are shocking.
What do you think? AITA for this? This is what top commenters had to say:
asbestoswasframed said:
First, you are NTA for this. You need to look out for your cousin. Second, you need to give us a long form update about all the dirty details here. I mean, I really want to know the ugly truth. Dish - girl!
ElderberryOwn666 said:
"He is angry at us for not giving him a chance to tell her the truth about who he really is" WTF? he had the chance from the moment he met her to tell her the truth, he chose to lie instead. You all did the right thing telling your cousin. NTA
delifte said:
NTA - The thing that tipped you off - how he lived in the same small town as you - would've tipped anyone off, especially if you didn't remember him. I can completely follow your logic in finding out more and more as you go along and honestly think that you did the right thing by telling your Aunt, too. Was your aunt already concerned because she had her doubts previously? What were the signs for her?
[deleted] said:
NTA. Your cousin is involved with a scam artist. He will bleed her dry.
[deleted] said:
NTA. Your cousin is involved with a scam artist. He will bleed her dry.
OP later shared these small updates in the comments:
Yes I agree completely with all of this. I've messaged her to tell her I love her, unconditionally and without bound. I would never turn my back, knowing what I know, I will always be there for her and all the family feel the same
We are a very close-knit family. I didn't share the information with other members. They were suspicious too and did their own digging. When I found solid proof I went to my aunt, mother of my cousin. She was already speaking to me about how worried she was. Thought it was best for her to have a heart to heart with her daughter.
What tipped my aunt off was how outlandish and incredible some of his claims were and how independently wealthy he was but then hearing how he struggled to pay bills that were more than his monthly salary