Woman childproofs her home for her in-laws' 2 week visit, accused of calling husband's family 'uncivilized.' AITA?
"AITA for doing childproofing for my in-laws visit?"
Exact_Income1427
I am at 26(F) and my husband is 29(M). We have been married for 5 years and we to Berlin right after marriage since we both found really well paying jobs. Meanwhile both of our families (parents, siblings etc) still live back in Greece and we usually visit back occasionally.
Now me and my husband don't have any children and we don't plan to have any. We enjoy buying expensive things and experiencing we never got to as children such as nice furniture in our home, going to exotic restaurants with friends, travel, hobbies and generally just our lives with each other exactly the way it is.
But that's just how my husband thinks. His family is very traditional and every married couple has at least one kid. This time my husband invited my BIL and SIL to visit us with their 3 year old son for 2 weeks. This would be the first time they've traveled with their son and the first time we would be hosting our nephew at our home.
Now our nephew is known to be going through the terrible twos and has been throwing tantrums and breaking things lately so I did some childproofing in our home a day before my in-laws were due to arrive. I removed all the glass and ceramic decor. I swapped out our linen table cloth for a plastic one. I locked up our intoxication devices.
I also covered our sofas with a plushy fabric cover( our sofa is fabric is white cashmere) because nephew likes to snack while watching tv and we can always take it outside and dust of food crumbs. I also changed my maids schedule to come in 5 days a week instead of 3 so she can help prep breakfast and make sure the house is tidy.
However when my husband saw all of my changes he kind of got upset. He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people and asked me why I don't make these changes when our friends in Berlin who have kids come over for dinner. He also said that he's never seen our friends make these sort of changes in their own home for their kids.
I don't understand this comparison at all. Coming over for dinner for 3 hours and staying at a place for a couple of weeks is very different. And we've visited our in-laws enough to see how chaotic their home can get to the point where my BIL and SIL keep mostly plastic items in their homes for convenience. AITA?
Edit: We hadn’t spoke since we had our fight last night and my in-laws are supposed be landing in the morning. My husband brought food from a restaurant I liked and told me he wanted to apologize.
He told me he overreacted because he wasn’t admitting to himself how different his brother is as a person ever since he became a dad and that his life is going in a very different direction with more financial hardships too and that makes him angry and helpless.
He told me he misdirected his frustration at me and thought what I did was really nice especially since he is more finicky about than I am. I tried my best to make him feel not guilty and responsible for the lives and decisions of other grown ups. But I’m so relieved he came around on his own!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TulipAfternoon
NTA. Instead of worrying the entire visit that their kid could ruin something expensive, the visiting parents can rest assured that the space has been child-proofed.
As long as all the changes don't make the space uncomfortable (e.g. squeaky plastic couch covers or all decor being hidden so the place is bare), I think it makes a lot of sense. You are making the visit less stressful for everyone!
Agreed. As a parent of a reasonably decent kid, I would still panic if I were at a friends/ relatives, and she was heading towards something that looked expensive! Or even cheap, other people don't have things just for others to break. NTA. If husband doesn't like it, he can happily put his expensive and breakable items back out for the kid to investigate... 🤣
NTA. It seems like you are taking steps to make your in-laws feel more comfortable and less stressed about their toddler's behavior in your home. You have protected your belongings to some extent and if toddler spills something, no one will have to be stressed or worried about it.
I don't get why your husband is upset you did this. You are right that a few hours of tightly-controlled parental supervision is a different thing than a two-week visit.
Your in-laws and also your nephew will probably enjoy the visit so much more because they won't be worried about breaking things or spills on the couch. Hopefully, they will keep their child occupied and safe during the visit, but you have made it much easier for them to do so.
Cangal39
NTA a child of three IS messy and uncivilized, that's normal. It's for the child's safety as well as protecting your property. Husband hasn't been paying attention to your friends who have kids.
Lisbei
NTA. Your husband is so invested in FAMILY that he’s failing to see the reality of having a 3 year old living with you guys for 2 weeks. Just grow a spine and put your foot down and say that’s how it’s going to be. Then, when your chaotic nephew arrives, you can wait for him to admit that you were right.
Remote-Physics6980
You have been thoughtful and forward thinking. You have taken reasonable steps and you are to be commended. It sounds like your husband's just really out of touch with the needs of a toddler but I'm sure after the baby has been in his house for a week, he'll come around. NTA.