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'AITA for embarrassing my parents for forgetting my birthday?'

'AITA for embarrassing my parents for forgetting my birthday?'


"AITA for embarrassing my parents for forgetting my birthday?"


I (F33) just had my birthday last week. The only problem is that no one in my family remembered. My maternal grandfather passed away about a month ago and my entire family (mom, dad, and 2 younger brothers) flew back to my mother’s home country for the funeral.

I, unfortunately, could not go as I’ve only recently started a new job. I wasn’t particularly close to my grandfather so I wasn’t too upset about staying behind. My family was gone for a total of 22 days and we FaceTimed and stayed in constant communication during their trip.

I think it’s great that my mom got to reconnect with family and that my brothers got a chance to meet everyone. They got back last Wednesday and have been readjusting due to jet lag since then (understandably).

My birthday was last Friday (2 days) after they got back. TBH, I wasn’t expecting more than birthday wishes from everyone, but the day past without a word from anyone. Was I annoyed? Sure. But I wasn’t too upset. I’m not the biggest birthday person.

I ended up having a nice birthday dinner with my boyfriend and a few friends. All hell broke loose Saturday afternoon when I got a really angry phone call from my dad. I guess my boyfriend did a special IG post for me and my brothers saw it and showed my parents. I had no idea he did this as he isn’t a big poster.

Anyway, I could hear my mom crying in the background while my dad laid into me saying that they were sorry they forgot, but not saying anything and then posting about it online was passive aggressive and mean.

I told him that I wasn’t upset and that I didn’t think a 33rd birthday was that big a deal anyway. He said a few more things before abruptly ending the call. I didn’t hear from my family the rest of the weekend.

Today (Monday) I woke up to a bunch of notifications. I guess my mom did a Facebook post talking about ungrateful kids and how I ruined their surprise party for me and tagged me. My extended family seemed to agree that I was a jerk.

I’ve tried calling my mom, but she didn’t answer so I posted my own reply and said “You guys forgot and no one wished me a happy birthday unless you count dad calling and yelling at me”. Both of my parents have been calling all morning, but I don’t want to take their calls yet. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA. Seems like they are trying to make you feel guilty for nothing.

Were they really planning a surprise birthday party as per your mom's Facebook post?

The OP responded here:


I have no idea. I asked my boyfriend about it and he said no one contacted him about it, but who knows.


Doesn’t seem likely. If they knew about your birthday and had something planned they would have just asked you over Saturday and “surprise!” Sounds like they are covering up that they forgot by trying to blame you.


So they are mad at you because your boyfriend posted a nice happy birthday message on IG. They forgot to say anything on your birthday and got embarrassed. So instead of just calling and apologizing for their mistake, they blame you and get mad at you for their embarrassment?

I don’t know if I believe your mom actually set up a surprise party for you. It sounds like she’s backtracking a bit, making some sort of excuse for not saying anything when she literally just forgot about your birthday.

I’m sorry they forgot. It sounds like they are all just focused on the loss of your grandfather, so I’d give them a pass on that. It does not sound like you are terribly upset about their lapse of memory anyway. I know it’s late, but Happy birthday!


NTA. That their reaction is to get mad at and guilt trip you (for what? Having a boyfriend who makes a declaration of love on social media?!) to avoid having to feel any guilt or take any responsibility speaks volumes. Surprise party? To quite venerated philosopher Cher Horowitz, AS IF.


NTA - It’s unfortunate but understandable that they may have forgotten given having to deal with your grandfathers passing, though you’d have every right to feel upset about them forgetting too.

But boy are they AH for trying to play the victim for their mistake and get everyone to blame you. If the truth of what they did shames them they only have themselves to blame. You didn’t call them out, you defended yourself from their lies and manipulations. Good for you and happy belated birthday.


NTA. They embarrassed themselves. How do you think they would have reacted if you *had* mentioned it? "Oh don't be such a big baby" "You're too old for this" Etc. ​And "ruined their surprise birthday party for you"? Yeah, riiiiight.


NTA. You didn’t post anything your boyfriend, quite sweetly, did. My guess if they feel guilty so they lashed out. Or they’re embarrassed because someone asked them why they weren’t in the pictures and they realised they forgot. Or both.


You need to take a biiiig step back from your family. Their reaction to forgetting YOUR birthday is unhinged. NTA.


NTA. They have the absolute gall to get mad at you when THEY, your parents, forgot your birthday? Way to make it all about them.


NTA and if anyone believes they really had a surprise party planned for you, I have a bridge in Brooklyn that I'd like to interest you in investing.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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