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'AITA for 'embarrassing' my wife by forcing her to apologize for bullying my ex-wife?' UPDATED

'AITA for 'embarrassing' my wife by forcing her to apologize for bullying my ex-wife?' UPDATED

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"AITA for embarrassing my wife?"

I have 2 twins, castella and freya with my ex wife. My ex wife Mariana and I were married for a long time, we divorced a while ago and I remarried 2 years ago.

My wife Ava does not like my ex. I told her from the beginning me and my ex wife are not rivals, we are co parents and civil and she’s regardless she’s their mom. My parents like her a lot, Mariana was diagnosed with cancer last year her head is shaved as she is still on chemo and my parents have been helping her with herself and the kids often.

They are my kids grandparents and I don’t see why I have to shun Mariana out of everyone she’s been around since grade school. I don’t talk to her aside from the kids, she doesn’t come to family gatherings or anything. There’s many things Ava doesn’t like about this. Especially our custody agreement.

Here’s the issue, my kids came to me really upset and they showed me a bunch of posts that Ava made about Mariana. Ava for the past months has been writing posts about Mariana. She’s taken a picture of her from her profiles, one of her in a wig after she shaved her hair saying “take off the wig” another picture of Mariana with no wig on saying “that’s better." There are others that are even worse.

My kids are upset, we all sat down and she tried saying that Mariana was messaging her saying way worse stuff, I asked her to show me, but she said that it’s on Snapchat and they are gone, (It was confirmed that Mariana doesn’t even have Snapchat)

I told Ava that she needed to go for a little while me and my kids talked. They said that they found her on Instagram and this has been happening since she’s got cancer based on how long she’s been posting these, they were obviously hurt, they said that they wanted to go to their moms for a little while and this made them extremely uncomfortable with her which was understandable.

Me and mariana talked, apparently she’s seen this but didn’t bring it up because she wasn’t in the mood to cause any drama. Me and Ava talked, I told her that she’s going to publicly apologize to Mariana and my kids since everything was made public, apologize to Mariana through text and my kids in person. I left for a bit to think. All of this embarrassed Ava greatly.

I’m getting messages from people saying that I’m an @$$hole and I made her do all of that and didn’t even forgive her, and humiliated her.

I think that it’s odd to accuse me of that, theres a line between caring about someone’s well being and being secretly in love with them and if I was highly doubt I would be divorced and married for this long. And I feel like embarrassment was deserved, I hate to say it but this just made me disgusted.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

Nta. Honestly this is grounds for divorce what she did is awful and absolutely disgusting. I hope your ex recovers and I wish you and your children well :)

OP responded:

I think this might be to and all of this is gut wrenching and It’s a worry that she would be saying things to my kids directly as well and I’ve just been stupidly blind to all of it

said:

How are you still married to this literal villain? NTA for calling out your wife's dismal behavior but y t a to your kids for every second you stay married to someone with absolutely no respect for their mother

said:

INFO why are you still married to a woman who would mock the mother of your children as she's battling cancer? Surely, there were red flags before this.

OP responded:

She’s expressed that she didn’t like Mariana, but I’ve never even heard her insult her until now, so she was keeping it kind with me and taking her anger out when I wasn’t around. Which means that this isn’t the first time any of this has happened and she Im 99.99999 percent sure has attacked Mariana and probably my kids when I wasn’t looking.

I think I’m going to try and see if me my kids and Mariana can sit down and find out everything that was going on. Like some people and most will probably say, it’s not fair to anyone to keep enabling this, I was blind to everything that was going on and I take accountability for that.

said:

NTA but god damn you're married to a monster.

And said:

YTA for not dumping Ava immediately and having everyone you know block her, along with considering filing something for her disgusting behavior.

Now excuse me while I clear the vomit out of my mouth.

He later shared this update:

i see a lot of people asking if I’m going to stay, I have to choose etc. I found this out on Saturday, made this post last night in a hotel, I hope people can understand that this was shocking to hear and see and I am trying to handle this appropriately and maturely.

No that’s not me playing the victim, i know that I’m not and the only victims here are Mariana and my kids, but this is still difficult. I can tell this will be a messy divorce and I’m trying to prepare myself for that. It’s clear she will not be so mature about this.

Truthfully I knew what had to be done when my kids left because they couldn’t be around her. I do care about my kids and Mariana and their opinion on anything. I was naive and blind to the type of person Ava was and that’s my fault and I’m trying to fix that. This is grounds for divorce.

As I’ve said previously me Mariana and my kids are meeting up today as I’ve also said, that is not going to change me divorcing Ava, this is strictly so I can get the full truth because I won’t get that from Ava, it’s looks like I’ve made everyone feel like they can’t tell me when they don’t like someone I’m with which was never my intention and I hope today and what I do next can prove that.

I have alot of care and respect for Mariana and I haven’t showed that but i do and no one has to convince me to choose my kids over anyone I will always choose my kids and It’s my fault for not showing that.

As for Ava, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do next, well divorce obviously, but as for right now I guess I’m going to be staying at the hotel until I can get everything situated and lawyers. I don’t know why she has done what she’s done besides jealousy. I haven’t answered any of her calls or texts,really just her cussing me out.

I’m trying to work through this, I’m not a malicious person, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone especially not my kids and I’m trying to make this right. Overall yes I’m looking at lawyers and divorce, and I am going to be talking to everyone today, I will try to update.

Sources: Reddit
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