'AITA for ending my friendship with my BFF for treating me badly during her engagement?'
"AITA for ending my friendship with my best friend after how she treated me during her engagement and wedding?"
My friend and I (let’s call her “V”) were best friends for years and were inseparable. We celebrated each other’s major milestones, were there for each other during hard times, and always had so much fun together.
She then met a great guy, who was kind, had a great sense of humor, and got along great with my boyfriend. So I was so excited when I got engaged and then V got engaged six months later.
My wedding was in July and V’s was scheduled three months later in October. I knew we were really close, but I was still surprised when she asked me to be her maid of honor because I knew she had a sister she was close with. Regardless, I was really touched and accepted.
Immediately I went ahead and started planning V’s bridal shower. I had found a personal chef who agreed to come to my home and cook a custom menu with all of her favorite foods for her and her guests. He even agreed to go to the Cape to pick up fresh oysters on the morning of, which were her absolute favorite.
I picked out the color scheme, the décor, and planned out the floral arrangements. It was going to be gorgeous and was also going to cost me about $1,000. During this time, I kept reaching out to V to let her know how the planning was going. Once the chef had agreed to do the event, I called her that evening to let her know that I was going to sign the contract that night and how excited I was that everything was finally coming together.
V interrupted me, “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. My MIL is actually going to be planning my bridal shower, but don’t worry you can still plan my bachelorette. I’m thinking somewhere close by, like Nashville”. (Nashville is a several hour plane flight away from where we live.) I was stunned.
She hung up and I sat there wondering what just happened. Had I really just spent months planning an event that she knew I wouldn’t be hosting? Even knowing it took time away from me planning my own wedding?
I texted her later that night saying I was really overwhelmed planning her wedding events and my wedding and that I needed to step down as her maid of honor. She was taken aback, but said she understood and that it was ok.
So her bridesmaids help me plan her bachelorette. Covid happens and our original plans get canceled. V moves down south for military service, so we make plans again, but this time in Savannah, which is a popular destination for bachelorettes and near her base.
Two weeks before the trip, I receive a panicked phone call from bridesmaid “S”. She wants to know if we should change the plans as V found out where we were going and told her she is all “Savannah-ed out”. I reassure her we’ll have a great time and that I’m sure V will love it once we get there.
We had already booked a penthouse suite that overlooked the water, spa packages, foodie tours- the works- we really went all out. Well, V texted us the following day that she was still concerned about covid and cancelled the trip on all of us. It was too late to rebook something as her wedding was just a few weeks away and I lost $400 on a nonrefundable plane ticket.
So fast forward to the wedding weekend. My husband and I make the drive to the wedding venue and when we get there it is HUGE. Like a college campus huge. There are multiple wedding areas, reception buildings, and tons of different accommodations for overnight guests.
At the rehearsal dinner, V is going on and on about how we’re meeting tomorrow at “the Bridal Suite”. I had noticed when we checked in that the hair salon on campus is called “the Bridal Suite." So the next morning I walk over there with my dress, my makeup, shoes, and breakfast for the girls. I’m told I’m too early and that the appointment is later that day.
I call V confused and ask her again where we’re meeting. She sounds incredibly annoyed on the phone and just keeps reiterating she’s at “the bridal suite”. I realize she’s talking about her hotel room and I ask her for the room number. I swear, I asked her three times three different ways and she just kept getting more aggravated and saying “the suite is up the hill."
Again, this is a huge campus and I’ve never been here before, so I have no idea where “up the hill” is. (Also mind you, this campus is on a mountainside, so EVERYTHING could be construed as “up the hill”). Finally after the third time asking, she gives me the room number.
I literally walked back to my hotel room, sat down on the bed, and cried. I had to collect myself, convince myself that she’s just stressed out and that her attitude is only temporary, and then went to the front desk to ask for directions.
When I arrive at the room, bridesmaid S and my bestie are icy. I apologize and offer them the breakfast I brought. They eat it and don’t even thank me. V then leaves for her hair and makeup appointment at the salon. I do my own makeup (as V said we weren’t having makeup done) and V texts me to come down to the salon for my hair appointment.
When I arrive, however, V demands I get my makeup done too. I literally explain I’ve already done my makeup and ask her if I really have to. I already had on winged eyeliner, mascara, foundation, blush, and lipstick- I think most people would think that’s a considerable amount of makeup.
In front of the entire room, she says “It depends. Do you want to feel beautiful?” The room went so quiet you could hear a pin drop. No one would look up and make eye contact with me. I felt a lump in my throat. I felt so humiliated.
The final straw came at the reception when V tells bridesmaid S that we can plan her bachelorette after the wedding. S relays that to me and that was it. I immediately told my husband we were leaving. It was around 10 and the reception wasn’t supposed to end until 12, but I didn’t care. I was tired, I felt completely abused, and I had had enough.
So after the wedding, I had some time to think all of this over and I’m still upset. I can’t get over how she treated me. But there’s still a shred of hope left that this isn’t the end. That this all was just a speed bump in our friendship and that she’ll go back to being the V I know and love.
Three weeks goes by and V finally texts me asking if we can talk that night. I’m thinking “great! we can finally get all of this out in the open and move passed this.”
Except she doesn’t call and this isn’t like her to blow me off. In fact, she’s never done that in our whole friendship. Instead, the next day she apologizes that she was too busy having fun with her new friends on the base and sends pictures of her and her new friends.
Maybe I am being too sensitive or misperceiving this, but this seemed hella-petty and I became more enraged. She asks if we can talk again that night and I ignore her.
Weeks after that, I found out from Facebook that she had returned home from her military service. She texts me and at that point I blew up at her. I told her not to text me again and that I would text her when I was ready, knowing full well I would never text her. And then I just ghosted her. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
strangelifereally said:
NTA. Move on with a clear conscience. On the other hand, whoever named their salon “The Bridal Suite” is an idiot.
young_coastie said:
Weddings can be a catalyst for friendships. Yours isn’t the first or last to end over the exposure of a friend’s terrible behavior over “her special day”. I know it hurts but you don’t need this.
mauve55 said:
NTA: when people show you who they are believe them. V is a spoiled, petty, and entitled woman just block her on everything.
destiny_kane48 said:
NTA, screw her. She can text her friends on base from now on. You can and will find much better friends.
tearthael said:
NTA. She was so rude and disrespectful toward you and your time. And the comment she made in the salon? I would have immediately left. I get weddings are stressful, but if you start taking that stress out on others and treating them like trash then you don’t deserve their friendship.
And the photo with her friends? She was absolutely being petty and rubbing it in. I would block her and move on with my life if I were you. You deserve better.