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'AITA for expecting my wife to care for me while I am extremely ill?' 'My wife couldn't care less.'

'AITA for expecting my wife to care for me while I am extremely ill?' 'My wife couldn't care less.'


"AITA for expecting my wife to care for me while I am extremely ill?"

Recently, I unexpectedly became very sick after catching a virus from my toddler and 11 month old daughters. I ended up with bronchitis and pneumonia. I had a fever of 105. I had severe coughing attacks and I was coughing up buckets of phlegm. I had severe chills and every night I’d be drenched in sweat from the coughing and fever. I didn’t sleep for 5-7 days but for thirty minutes here and there. I had to visit the ER three times from severe chest pain and trouble breathing as my oxygen levels would regularly reach dangerous levels. I simply was not getting better.

It just so happened that my wife had requested Friday and Monday off because our girls daycare was closed. She did her best to care for the girls while I was isolated in the guest room. There were moments each day where she lost her temper with our toddler and I had to muster whatever strength I had left to console our daughter from the outburst from my wife. She’d regularly snatch our daughter by the arm and drag her out of our bedroom and lock the door because she wasn’t being quiet enough, leaving our daughter crying hysterically outside the door trying to get back in.

I didn’t like it but I tried to be understanding. My wife was just frustrated and overwhelmed. A few days into my illness, I’d already been to the ER twice and I was not improving. I’d shared with my wife that I was getting worried if I got any worse I might die. I’d started to feel disoriented and dizzy along with all my other symptoms.

That same night, she told me she’d be going to work the next day (Monday) and taking our two daughters with her. I asked her why this was necessary and she said she had a small project she needed to complete that was important to her. I told her that from my perspective, work could wait. I needed her. She was off anyway. And her boss is very understanding and they’d figure it out. I didn’t understand why she also felt the need to burden herself with work. She went anyway and left me alone for about 5 hours that day.

I was upset and disappointed by this and my wife couldn't care less. The whole time I’ve been sick, she showed no empathy for me and was more annoyed than anything that I wasn’t able to provide the utility I normally provide. I had to go back to the ER the day after she went to work and thankfully I’ve started to feel a bit better now. It’s been two weeks.

Nonetheless, it’s led to a deep division in the relationship with my wife. This is not out of the ordinary for her. She regularly puts work and everyone else before me. It just feels like this could be the last straw for me if I can’t even count on her when I’m sick. Of course, she thinks I’m being dramatic and she sees nothing wrong with what she did. She’s started the public campaign of making me the ahole for expecting her to stay home and care for me. AITA for expecting my wife to care and support me when I’m extremely sick? Is that really an unreasonable request?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

NuketheCow_ said:

What was your wife going to do to take care of you if you passed out, couldn’t breathe, had a heart attack, etc? If you were so sick you needed constant care you should have gone to a hospital. Your wife was managing 2 young children, all the household needs, and your probably whiny a$s. My dad was always a giant needy baby when he was sick. He expected the entire house to shut down and focus on him if he got the slightest cold. His close and frequent bouts with death become a joke to me and my siblings. That’s the vibe I’m getting from your post. YTA.

FrenchRoo said:

YTA it’s not like she left you with the kids in charge. She upheld her side of the gig. You don’t need an adult in the home 24/7. I assume that you could give her a call if you needed anything specific? What would you have done if you were a single man? They do get sick too you know.

lonnielee3 said:

YTA and I agree with your wife that you’re being dramatic. Why were you not admitted to the hospital? It’s very strange that ER would not admit such a seriously ill person to the hospital. Don’t tell me your wife was getting 8 hours sleep all those nights you claim to have been awake except for 30 minutes here and there. She left you “alone for 5 hours.” So what?

She needed some time away from you and your needs/demands for her attention. She thought you were well enough to be alone a few hours and she was exhausted. Hear this: going to her job with her two little kids was a break for her. You had a phone. You had all your church buddies. You had 911 or your country’s equivalent. You had alternatives but you, imho, decided to “test” your wife.

Novyda00 said:

YTA. You were very sick, but she had to take care of your two children plus manage household chores, plus try to avoid getting sick (who know what you caught and imagine if she caught it too ! How would you manage with the kids ?) She tried to keep the kids away so they wouldn’t catch it either. Imagine your infant with pneumonia in the ER, or your toddler. With you understandably out of the picture, how is she suppose to manage?

Do you not have any other support system like family or friends that could have helped with children or taking care for you? Could you not have checked yourself in the hospital after two ER visits? Your wife can’t be expected to manage everything, and it sucks to be sick and scared but your kids take precedent.

Kishasara said:

YTA. When I’m sick as a dog, I still have to care for my kid and function as an adult. There is no time to be sick. I don’t get to rest. I have no help. As a mother of 2 young kids, she’s been on overdrive parenting alone. Be thankful that her efforts granted you the ability to rest relatively alone while having her help sprinkled in between. Willing to bet you were fed, had clean clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in without having to feed, clean, clothe, entertain, and maintain two young children.

Her leaving for 5 hours of work (and likely a sanity check on her part) is your hill to cry on? You are being very dramatic about her “priorities.” Gross. What a child you are. I’d be sick of your bs, too. If I were your wife, I’d welcome a divorce if those papers dropped in my lap. Grow up.

Alpaca_Stampede said:

YTA. You visited the ER 3 times and at no point were sick enough to be admitted. If your O2 was dangerously low and continued to stay that way, they would have admitted you and/or sent you home with an oxygen tank. Your wife took the days off from work because daycare was closed. She didn't take the days off from work because you were sick. You are an adult, you can't be alone for 5 hours while you are sick?

By the sounds of it, your wife was trying to keep the kids away from you yet you kept allowing them to come into the room. Of course the kids were upset that they had to leave the room you were in after you let them in. All that did was upset the kids and make things even more difficult and frustrating for your wife.

It's not your wife's job to take care of you while you are sick. Especially not when she is taking care of the kids and struggling to get you to leave them alone and stop upsetting the kids. You are an adult and should be able to take care of yourself.

Absolutely no one was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

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