'AITA for expecting to get what I had asked for?' 'It was my 30th birthday.'
"AITA for expecting to get what I had asked for for my 30th birthday?"
It was my 30th birthday last month. Prior to this my girlfriend asked me what I wanted from her and I said I'd like a small get together of just a few close family and friends. There's a bar near us that lets you book the place out for free if you have at least 15 people as it's a small place so I mentioned possibly going there.
My birthday came and I got nothing like that. I got a card and a couple of little gifts (2 gift cards and a book) from my gf but no gathering or any sort of celebration. I was upset at this and my girlfriend asked me why I was upset and I explained it to her. She said it would have been a hassle trying to get everyone together and would have took a lot of work to organize.
I told her she knew how much it would have meant to me and that she literally asked what I wanted from her and then chose to ignore it. I said it hurts hearing her say I'm basically not worth the effort.
She said I should have done it myself then but I pointed out you don't organize your own birthday party and she is the one who asked me what I wanted from her. She said I was trying to guilt-trip her, but I told her I was just expressing how I felt about it. She said I was being too unfair and that I should be happy with what I got.
I told her she doesn't get to tell me when I can and can't be upset and that it obviously hurts knowing your partner doesn't care enough to even try to organize what I wanted for my birthday.
She again said I was guilt-tripping her and deliberately trying to make her feel bad. AITA for expressing my upset that she'd ignored what I'd asked from her for my birthday?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Reasonable-Ad-3605 said:
NTA. A gift card and a card is a BS gift in you're in a relationship. Sorry that's not personal. That's what a relative who doesn't know you gets you at Christmas. She asked and you answered.
If she couldn't/wouldn't do it she could have said that instead of doing nothing and acting like you should be grateful for her functionally driving to CVS and grabbing a couple of impersonal cards. The only thing I agreed with her on is you were guilty tripping her and trying to make her feel bad, because she is guilty and she should feel bad.
thekk11 said:
ESH. But I think this may have come from a misunderstanding. She was likely asking what do you want as a material gift, and you said you'd rather just have a get together, and she said OK.
It's not clear to me if she understood it as you wanting her to organize it for you. She may have thought that you didn't want a specific gift and that you'll organize a get together (because a lot of people organize their own birthdays after a certain age, or organize it together as a couple).
Also, wouldn't you sort of clue in when she never asked about specific days, hours and which friends to invite? Even when someone else organizes it, unless it's a complete surprise, I would think she'd want your input. It sounds like a communication issue to me.
k23_k23 said:
YTA. "She said I should have done it myself then but I pointed out you don't organize your own birthday party"...you do, if you want to have one.
GalacticCmdr said:
NTA. Regift her everything she gave you on your birthday for her birthday and tell her she just wasn't worth the effort.
sweetmissjaye said:
NTA. It wasn't a demand from OP. The gf asked what he wanted, agreed to do it, and then didn't do it. That's so wrong.
Lady-Callipygian said:
NTA. If you love someone, they’re worth the effort.