'AITA for ‘fat shaming’ my brother’s girlfriend after she called him weak?'
"AITA for ‘fat shaming’ my brother’s girlfriend?"
There's been a recent Tiktok trend of couples filming a video where the boyfriend picks up the girlfriend. My brother's GF had been wanting to do it for a while, and he initially didn't want to. He didn't bring it up, but I think it did have to do with her weight, as she's heavier than him and I think he didn't want to make her feel bad by not being able to pick her up.
She insisted, and he finally agreed, but when they filmed the video, he wasn't able to lift her. She immediately started berating him and saying he was small and weak and needed to go to the gym so he is able to pick her up. I told her she shouldn't belittle my brother like that, and she said she's just telling the truth that if he can't lift a girl then he's weak.
I pointed out that the truth in this case is that he's a perfectly normal weight and she's more the cause of him not being able to pick him up than he is (he's 5'10 150s she's 5'3 180s). She called me a bodyshaming AH and left, and a lot of her friends are telling me now I'm an AH too for body shaming her. I don't think that's fair. AITA?
The internet had strong opinions about the situation.
Golfcampfishguy wrote:
NTA and your brother should look for a more respectful partner.
OP responded:
I agree.
Even_Enthusiasm7223 wrote:
Weren't her comments body shaming your brother?
The biggest issue is following stupid tik Tok trends. She called him weak, you called her fat. It evens out. NTA.
OP responded:
Yeah I think it’s kind of a pointless flex anyways. Being able to pick somebody up doesn’t really have anything to do with being a good boyfriend.
No-Understanding2890 wrote:
Imo he needs to lose her because her shaming him is going to get worse and not better.
OP responded:
Yeah I think she’s unable to accept her own faults and is putting it on him.
Awareness7993 wrote:
NTA. At 5’3” and 180, she’s not exactly liftable for your average teenager. WTF is wrong with her shaming the BF? The truth hurts I guess.
OP responded:
She’s probably just lashing out because she knows it’s her fault.
Ethunel wrote:
If you said it that way, definitely NTA. You told her the truth.
OP responded:
Agreed, he’s perfectly normal and she’s the one that’s overweight.
Upstairs_Landscape wrote:
NTA. If it were an unprovoked or demeaning comment, then it would have been different. Here, though, strength vs weight was the heart of the discussion. Stating facts directly relevant to the topic is not body shaming, just honest communication.
She all but forced the conversation to go there. Furthermore, if they wanted it to be a private discussion, they'd have had it in private. Now you were part of the situation and were free to share your input.
nblackhand wrote:
NTA. If she wants to play the sexist body type expectations game by demanding performative upper body strength from her boyfriend then she's accepting the risk of it being pointed out that she's not meeting sexist body type expectations either.
Justn33dthings wrote:
I guess I would worry more about how your brother feels. Unless I wasn't paying attention you didn't really mention how he felt about your comment. I have two brothers and honestly couldn't care less how I made the person they're dating feel in this sort of situation unless it upset them. I would talk to him for your answer to be honest.
OP responded:
He said it did upset him that she said he was weak.
ProfessionalFirm6353 wrote:
I once dated a woman who was around 20lbs heavier than I. It was never a big deal for me. But she would occasionally “tease” me for not being able to lift her up in a way that frankly came across as intentionally emasculating. A lot of this s-t is just projection of personal insecurities.
BabyBearJohns wrote:
NTA.. Her body shaming your brother because he isn't strong enough to lift her is dumb and vile. The fact that she cares more about doing a stupid TikTok trend then your brother's personal feelings shows how much she cares about him. He needs to break up with her.
CaptainGashMallet wrote:
NTA.
She has a BMI of about 32, and I doubt that’s muscle, so it’d be like picking up a spherical sack of water. I was in shape at 15 and I would have struggled.
Pointing this out to her unprompted might have been an AH move, but she brought it on herself with what she said, so she can get in the sea, where she belongs, with the other blubber-mammals. Body shaming is fine for her to do, but other people are assholes if they do it? OK.
Randomaho wrote:
Basic numbers for weight, presented as facts with no malicious intent, are not body/fat shaming. If you just said what you reported above then you were not insulting her but pointing out that she simply weight more than bro can lift. That's not shaming; it's physics.
PWM30 wrote:
Well, assuming you didn't call her a fat cow or something along those lines, NTA. She started the shaming and you simply pointed out a fact that she's too heavy for him to pick up. If she was 6'2" and 180, she's still be too heavy for him to pick up. So, unless you added some true fat shaming insults...then again, NTA. She's clearly projecting her own body shame on herself and blaming you.