"AITA for feeding my dogs before my stepsister?"
I (18F) live with my dad, his wife “Jackie”, and my stepsister Mia (13F). My dad was paralyzed from the chest down in a car crash in a car crash 5 years ago. Jackie and Mia moved in 4 years ago. We’re a very happy blended family.
The only issue that I have is that Mia is kinda spoiled. She pretty much gets whatever she wants whenever. She’s usually a very sweet kid overall which is why I’m questioning if I’m being an AH. Jackie left on a business trip last night.
Before she left, I told her that I would handle making dinner, bringing Mia home from track practice, and general tidiness of the house. I would also continue to take care of my two very large Great Danes that I was given my grandmother.
My family plays with and snuggles them, but they are my dogs. Mia’s chores were the dishes after dinner, bringing her dirty clothes to the laundry room door, and taking the trash out. It all seemed fine when Jackie left.
Well I went to pick Mia up from track this afternoon and when she got into the car she asked for her snack. I said we had food at home, but I didn’t bring any. She said her mom always brought a snack for her and kinda pouted.
When we got home, she stayed in my car when I went inside. I left with my dogs before she came in. When I returned, she was crying at the kitchen table. I asked why and she said that I hadn’t prepared a snack for her and she was so hungry. I told her she always had access to our pantry. She said it wasn’t the same because it’s always already ready for her.
I went to feed the dogs and she asked where I was going. I told her and she started to scream cry at me that I was heartless and only cared for my “stupid animals” and that I needed to make dinner right that second. She then ran upstairs and slammed the door.
I called Jackie and told her what happened. She was confused because Mia knows she’s always welcome to food. I know she’s adjusting to her mom being away. So AITA?
Edit: Update. Not the update some of you were all looking for. Mia came downstairs while I was making dinner about an hour later. She said she was sorry for yelling and gave me a hug.
She just had a hard track practice and a difficult pop quiz at school and was expecting her mom. We made dinner together and are watching a movie with my dad. Thanks for all of your comments!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA Mia is a bratty teenager who is testing boundaries. They tend to be AH occasionally and usually quite dramatic. Just continue as usual. I would not make a big deal of it. Feelings are BIG at that age and sometimes the world is just evil. I would fix dinner as planned, remind her to do her chores and ignore the tantrum. Unless she throws another one tomorrow.
NTA. Mia is 13 and has access to the pantry. She can get her own snacks.
NTA. Kids get hangry, and they get bent out of shape when their routines are messed with. Like you said, she's adjusting to her mom being away, which is also rough. But she's thirteen years old and had access to food. A tantrum was not the way to go, and she's old enough to know better.
I would let her know kindly but firmly that while you understand that it's hard to have her mom gone, you aren't willing to be yelled at while you're doing so much for her, and you'd like to have a fresh start at dinner time.
NTA. Pubescent kids are gonna lose their damn minds for no good reason some times.
NTA. She's not a baby, she's a teenager. She can get up and get a snack herself without pouting like a toddler.
NTA - you aren't her mother. She wanted you to pay attention to her, cook for her and do everything her mother did. She may be missing her mother but this is a chance to build independence and realise other people won't treat her like her mother will.
How often does her mother go away? If this is first time, then she will likely be upset so needs some reassurance. She's 13. She's more capable of wating for her dinner than the dogs are and can grab a snack herself. Just make sure she doesn't take the frustrations out on the dogs.
NTA but I doubt this is about the snack. In my experience, a spoiled kid kicks up as much fuss as they can until they get what they want; an upset kid has their outburst and then retreats. This sounds like the latter to me.
I don’t know if something happened while she was at school, or if she’s struggling with her mom being away, or something else entirely, but maybe see if there’s anything she’d like to talk about. I bet after a little empathy and space she feels silly for throwing such a fit about a snack.
If she just came from track practice, I'm assuming she has control of all of her limbs? Was she expected to be carried out of the car too? I'm not sure what made Mia regress 10 years in that car ride but you are NTA. WTF happened at practice???
NTA If your stepmom was confused as to why she was behaving that way, then this isn't something that you did wrong. Like you said, she's probably just adjusting to your stepmom not being home. I would just be gentle with her, but not change your habits and routine to completely accommodate her.