"AITA for fighting my ex-wife's demands in our divorce even if it's 'tearing our family apart'?"
"AITA for fighting my ex-wife's demands in our divorce until the very end? My kids say that it's tearing our family apart."
A few months ago me and my soon-to-be ex-wife initiated the divorce proceedings. It was a culmination of a few years of disenfranchisement on her part, and I was basically the only one who tried to save the marriage. I also suspect infidelity but I have no way to prove this. Regardless, we moved forward with the divorce which was initially going to be amicable up until we got to the division of assets.
We've agreed on 50/50 custody for our twin 16 year old girls, but that's about it. She's demanding child support payments of $4k/month, which makes no sense because we are literally splitting custody. She's also demanding alimony payments as well for a ridiculous six years and I have ZERO intention of giving it to her - in fact I was the stay at home dad early on in our kid's lives,
and after they started going to school, I went back to my job and for a while we were making pretty much the same and through a series of promotions and job hopping, I now have an incredible job where I make about 6x what ex-wife makes. She also wants the house (hell no), two out of our three cars (i'm fine with one), and a bunch of other unreasonable demands that I refuse to give in to.
My twins are very smart. We did not hide the divorce from them and have let them know what's going on and how their lives might change in the near future. Since the divorce has turned ugly, me and their mother are not on good terms anymore and since we still all live in the same house right now, things are a little bit tense and cold.
I'd move out into an apartment to alleviate this but my attorney says that the court would see this as abandonment and award the house to ex wife. My kids say that the fight is not worth tearing our family apart and they'd rather we just get on with it. I refuse; i'm willing to concede some things but the stuff that their mother wants is just completely one-sided and ridiculous.
I guess one thing that i'm worried about is that their performance in school has started dropping lately and i'm worried that it's because of us, or rather me i guess. AITA?
Edit: So lets be perfectly clear here. If it were up to me, the divorce would be already over and done with, but why should I resign myself to years of financial slavery for absolutely NO reason? Let me make a few points to clarify my position.
1.) I proposed selling the house and splitting all profit 50/50. She refused and she wants it for herself.
2.) I proposed selling the 3rd car, the barely used one, and splitting profits 50/50. She refused and also wants it for herself. I suggested having the twins share it but she said only if i cover the insurance and expenses related to the car in full. So obviously I refused.
3.) She withdrew approximately 78% of our joint savings and I want my share back. Again, im okay with 50/50 but she wont entertain that.
4.) We own another property in another country. I proposed that we share it or sell it and split the proceeds 50/50. She declined and offered to buy me out of my share at a ludicrous price that's not even 20% of the real value. Of course I declined.
5.) I do admittedly make approximately six times more than what she does but its not like she's struggling for cash. She makes in the high 100K's and is in a very respectable profession so its not like she'd be struggling for money. Which leads me to my last point - I am okay with paying the child support. But not 4k/month. That's totally ridiculous, she doesnt need that much from me.
Why does she? Our twins have jobs and beyond covering their RESPs then she wouldn't be struggling in our custody agreement, thus I have no qualms about fighting her to the death on this. As far as alimony goes, she won't be getting a single cent from me. She can easily support herself on what she makes so why should I have to subsidize her lifestyle for 6 YEARS?
It makes no sense at all to me. None of it does. And I won't give in "just for the sake of peace". I am a human being as well, I am not just a cash cow. I have needs and wants as well. So why should she get to make her demands and why should I give in to it? How is that fair to me?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
NobodyNoticeMe said:
"My kids say that the fight is not worth tearing our family apart and they'd rather we just get on with it." Taking advice from your kids, your ex and anyone other than a competent and qualified lawyer who specialize in divorce is the worst thing you can do. See a lawyer, tell them everything and take their advice. It will be painful, but asking us for advice is pretty dumb.
DovakiinDovakiin said:
NTA. Her demands are over the top and sound like she's trying to get her dream life at your expense. And if your kids are smart as you say, explain to them why it's a fight worth fighting so they can understand
whatsername3141 said:
Esh You make six times as much as her. Do you really want your kids to struggle or stress about money whenever they go to their mom's house? The reasons for your divorce are irrelevant. It needs to be about doing what is best for your kids. Stop looking at this as giving something to your ex wife. Think about your kids. You dont have much time with them before they leave for college. Keep the peace until then.
casinoLF said:
ESH, your wife is making some unreasonable-seeming demands but you make SIX TIMES what she makes and she will be caring for YOUR CHILDREN half the time dude.
casinoLF said:
ESH, your wife is making some unreasonable-seeming demands but you make SIX TIMES what she makes and she will be caring for YOUR CHILDREN half the time dude.
Verdict: ESH.