'AITA for finally losing it on my MIL after her criticizing how we raise our kids?'
"AITA for finally losing it on my MIL after her criticizing how we raise our kids?"
I (32F) have been married to my husband (34M) for eight years, and we have two kids, a 6-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter. Ever since our first was born, my MIL (60F) has had something to say about everything we do as parents. And not in a helpful way.
We try to be gentle parents. We talk to our kids, help them understand their emotions, and dont believe in yelling or punishments just to assert authority or whatever. MIL hates this. She constantly says we’re “raising soft kids” and that “a good smack never did anyone harm.” (Uhh, okay, sure )
One of her biggest issues is that we dont make our kids hug or kiss relatives if they don’t want to. We’ve always told them their bodies are theirs and they can say no if they’re uncomfortable. MIL thinks this is teaching them to be rude.
Anyway, last weekend we went to a family gathering, and when we arrived, my son didn’t want to hug her. He just smiled and said hi instead. MIL immediately went off about how disrespectful it was and how this is why kids today have no manners.
I calmly told her, “We let them decide when they’re comfortable with physical affection.” She rolled her eyes and mumbled, Ridiculous. When I was raising kids, they weren’t allowed to be like this.
I let it go at first, but later, I overheard her talking to my husband in the kitchen. She was telling him that I was the problem and that he needed to man up and stop me from ruining our kids.
I don’t know what snapped in me, but I walked in and just let her have it. I told her I was done with her constant criticism, that we are raising our kids how we see fit, and if she couldn’t respect that, then maybe she didn’t need to be so involved in their lives at all.
She immediately started crying, saying I was excluding her and being cruel. But my husband backed me up and told her that she needs to respect our boundaries. I don’t know, maybe I could’ve handled it better? So… AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA! YOUR KIDS YOUR RULES!! Your MIL sounds like a real b***h!
Odd-Boss-8297 (OP)
Thanks' she certainly behaves like a AH sometimes!
NTA. Setting boundaries for your kids and standing up for them isn’t cruel, it’s parenting. Your MIL had her turn raising kids her way, now it’s your turn to do what’s best for your family. If she can’t respect that, then she’s the one creating distance, not you. Good on your husband for backing you up!
Odd-Boss-8297 (OP)
I'm so glad to have my husband he always has my back! our kids our rules! she has no saying in that.
INSTANT CROCODILE TEARS to manipulate her Son? Yeah, next time she says “A Smack never hurt anyone.”- SMACK HER!! Then see if she stands by her previous statement.
NTA! I make sure my son knows he’s allowed to say “I don’t want to give a hug or kiss right now.” And I also make sure he knows he doesn’t have to apologize for feeling this way. And while he is allowed to feel that way, he needs to be respectful to other people/kids as well if they don’t want a hug or kiss at that time
. We’ve told him to offer a high five or fist bump instead. Bodily autonomy is so important and if your MIL can’t understand that, then like what you said…she doesn’t need to be around.
NTA. I guess kids during her times werent afforded bodily autonomy. What a sad time that was! I personally have a MIL who also forced hugs on my child who was clearly not wanting it or was outright saying no. I totally offloaded on her. I still haven't seen or talked to MIL since then, and that was more than a year ago. I stand with ya!
She needs to think her way is right, because otherwise she might have to admit the corporal punishment she doled out was physical abuse. Which, of course, it was. NTA.
Your kids your rules. As a person who was slapped and all in my childhood, till 16 i really appreciate you being gentle. Now i don't feel all that close to my mom because of all that. I am too concious about everything. Please do raise them like you are. There's nothing like them being gentle kids. People learn things, and no need to say but NTA.
NTA. She brought it on herself. I hated hugging old people when I was little. I’m now 69 years old and do not expect hugs from my nieces, nephews, or greats. They can (and sometimes do) initiate.
Nope. Go very low contact with her. What a pathetic idiot...carrying on with tears!! Yeah, that's real tough ;-) I sure hope your husband supported you? You two need to go very low to no contact with this stupid woman. Tell her you and hb don't give an eff what SHE thinks of your parenting. You are the parents and you will do it how you want to. End of story.
There’s no point in listening to anyone from generations before you about anything when they have no idea what they’re talking about and any of their cultural expectations or traditions aren’t mind, where did I ever sign up for that?
Times change old man, the younger parents now raising children know way much more better than our parents did, the internet has so much information at their fingertips! And there are Facebook groups and tiktocks to share excellent and enlightening parenting advice! Definitely definitely in absolutely any way at all TA.