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'AITA for getting a car for my daughter for Christmas and not my stepdaughter?'

'AITA for getting a car for my daughter for Christmas and not my stepdaughter?'


"AITA for getting a car for my daughter for Christmas and not my stepdaughter?"

My wife (38) and I (40) have been married 9 years. We have a 7 year old son together, and she has a 16 year old daughter Jenna from a previous relationship, and I have an 18 year old daughter Dawn and 13 year old daughter from my ex wife.

Dawn still lives at home, finishing up her senior year this year. She’s been my easy one. Earning money since she was 10, babysitting, cleaning, and working since 14. She’s been at her current job for the last two years and saving up money, also doing nails on the side.

She also is in all honors this year with A average so far, so my ex wife and I decided it was okay for me to give her my brother's car he was selling. I got a great deal for it. We felt she really really deserved it.

When I told my wife this she got upset, because my stepdaughter just got her license a few weeks ago. Jenna doesn’t have a job, and couldn’t pay for car insurance, nor has she been on the road that long.

I told my wife this, and she said that Jenna is gonna feel like I’m favoriting Dawn and how she honestly don’t blame her, because this is what it looks like. I told her that wasn’t it, and that Jenna could borrow our car, but I felt dawn really earned it this year and she’s 18 and has 3 year driving experience.

She argued that Jenna deserves it as well, and I said while Jenna does get good grades, she still wouldn’t be able to pay insurance and does not have the driving experience.

My wife then got angry and said she should’ve been included in this decision, not my ex wife, since Dawn lives with us, and how I was being unfair. She made herself a strong drink, went into the living room, and told me I caused her to do that. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Beautiful-Report58 said:

NTA. Your 18 year old has earned a car. In 3 years, if the 16 year old earns one, then she should get the same budget for a car. She should not get a car now. However, if her father wants to buy her a car now, that’s on him. The whole you made me drink is total BS. That needs to be addressed. That is a huge problem.

makeitmakesense2023 said:

NTA. Dawn also didn't get a car at 16. She is 18 and she has experience driving now and she has also earned her new car. That's a rather big difference. Let this be a motivating factor for the 16 year old.

ProfPlumDidIt said:

NTA. Favoritism would be giving an average 16 year old the same "reward" as an 18 year old who has gone above and beyond her entire life.

The decision to get Dawn a car was made by her biological parents based on the effort she's put in to succeed and be responsible. Getting Jenna a car should be a decision her biological parents make together based on their own criteria.

Your wife is overstepping, trying to make you show favoritism to her daughter, and trying to make you feel guilty for a decision that she, and she alone, made to drink. If that's her normal attitude, you shouldn't stick around for year 10.

ConfusedAt63 said:

NTA. First you did not cause her to pour a strong drink. Second, your daughter is able to support a car the other daughter is not able to support a car. Third, your daughter is older. Fourth, your daughter has much more experience driving. Kids get to have different privileges at different ages, that is how life is.

AnakinSkywalkerisfav said:

NTA. Jenna only recently got her license and can't pay for car insurance. I suggest making your reasons clear to Jenna so she knows it's not favoritism. Also your wife blaming you for making her get alcohol is...questionable.

It's fine for her to get alcohol, but saying "you made me do this," is not a healthy behavior* (*not saying she's toxic, but blaming others for your actions is something that can escalate, and it's not right even on a small scale).

Sufficient_Stop8381 said:

NTA. The 18 yo has priority over the 16 yo carwise. It wouldn’t be fair to make the older one wait til 18 then give the 16 a car as soon as she gets her license. Plus, for the step daughter, that’s more of a responsibility for her mom and her dad not you.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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