Woman reports coworker to boss for calling her his 'work wife.' AITA?

"AITA for getting my colleague in trouble for calling me his work wife?"

Some time ago I (29F) was assigned by my European based employer to work on a project at our US location. Part of my assignment was training a new hire within my special area of expertise. This new guy is about 10 years older than me and hired for a management position, however he is in no way my superior as I take on more of a consulting role with the local team.

I noticed straight away that he is very outgoing and sociable, joking around a lot with his colleagues. Quite different from the men I am used to as I come from a north-east European country where the male stereotype can only be described as "silent."

He immediately took an interest in me and started jokingly flirting and complimenting my looks. This made me uncomfortable since we are both married, and I felt it was very inappropriate. It also made me feel as if he did not respect me professionally when comments like "you look so cute when you're serious" would interrupt my training sessions with him.

The assignment itself was a big deal to me and I wanted nothing more than to exceed expectations, which is why I was reluctant to bring this up and "create drama". I tried ignoring his behavior but the last straw for me was when he started calling me his "work wife" openly in the office.

I understand that this term is used in a joking manner in US office culture, but we absolutely do not have anything similar in my home country and if word would get around back home about this, I would have to explain to my husband why some random man decided to call me his wife. To avoid this, I decided I need to put an end to the casual flirting and jokes from this man.

I sat him down one-on-one and told him, in short, that he has to stop calling me his work wife. He seemed like he understood but I was maybe being too "nice" or vague in my approach towards him because he acted no different the following days. This made me frustrated as I felt I now have to either go to my (and his) boss and risk this reflecting badly on my assignment or risk conflict in my marriage.

I ultimately decided that my marriage is more important than my job and told my boss about my issue. Luckily my boss took me seriously and told me that he would handle it and to stop worrying about it. I am not sure what went down after this but the flirting and the compliments from my colleague abruptly stopped.

I was relieved but I also felt that my colleague acted very cold towards me after this all happened. I still successfully finished my training sessions with him and the assignment and relocated back home.

Now in retrospect I am wondering if I overreacted due to the cultural differences between the US and my home country. Maybe what my colleague was doing was just normal social interaction and I acted like a complete asshole getting him into trouble with our boss for mere joking?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

m1splacedfan said:

NTA. He was acting unprofessional as heck

Worth-Season3645 said:

NTA…you did nothing wrong. You approached this male colleague first and asked him to stop. You were uncomfortable. He did not stop. That is harassment. You did the right thing by reporting him. I bet other women he works with thank you.

strangerfish2 said:

NTA -- from the US and I find the "work wife/husband" routine to be at best cringe and at worst an attempt to cover or soften inappropriate behavior. And while not unheard of, it's not like people are throwing those jokes around all over the place here. You did the right thing by addressing it one-on-one first. He only has himself to blame for the escalation to management. Don't sweat it.

NotAFlyingToy74 said:

NTA - he was harassing you and creating a hostile work environment. You did the right thing by informing your boss. It’s such a typical male response for him to blame the victim rather than owning his actions. It smacks of misogyny and entitlement.

lmchatterbox said

NTA. I’m an American and I think the work spouse thing is super cringey and disrespectful to actual partners, especially when it isn’t mutual in your senses of humor or conduct.

loveyou-first said:

NTA - I live in the US and this work wife crap drives me crazy. It’s not cute it’s very disrespectful to women and unprofessional in my opinion.

mdthomas said:

You told him to stop, he didn't stop. Escalating it was the correct response. NTA.

Expensive_Plant_9530 said:

NTA. Calling someone a "work wife" or "work husband" is entirely unprofessional, especially if one or both of the people involved are married. Doubly so if one of them clearly and explicitly tells the other to back off.