'AITA for getting suspicious of my BF's perfect gift? I think he's spying on my phone.' UPDATED
"AITA for getting suspicious of my BF's perfect gift?"
Long story: I love Gundam, its and anime/manga/game series for people who don't know and I collect models of the various mechs of the series.
When I was at work one day I was talking to a guy on an online post who was selling his g.f.f.m.c. wing gundam snow white prelude model kit (I've been looking for one for awhile) which go for around $500-$600. I offered him a trade but he ultimately declined and I can't reasonably afford to buy it for myself with my current income.
Fast forward just two days later when I got home from work I see that exact model kit sitting on me and my BFF'ss bed. I was ecstatic, literally giddy with joy. I hugged and kissed my bf thanking him but a few minutes later I realized I never told him anything about this model...nor have I told pretty much anyone outside of the internet.
So when I asked him how he knew I wanted it so bad he just shrugged and said its because he loves me. For some reason that answer didn't sit right with me. After trying to pry an answer from him I started accusing him of spying on me or maybe going through my phone when I wasn't looking.
We so rarely argue but this became pretty heated and escalated more than I anticipated...I got angry and I brought up our age difference...calling him a creepy old man who spies on me. I really regret doing that...I know he feels self conscious about it because my parents once ridiculed him for it and its always been a worry for him people will judge us.
(For reference I'm 22f and he's 32m.) He got pretty hurt by my words and he stopped arguing. He left for a little while before coming back and apologizing saying he let the argument get out of hand but I knew I hurt him so I apologized for using something he's insecure about.
He slept on the couch that night even though I asked him to come to bed and I told him I'd drop the issue. It's been 3 days and he's still acting kind of distant...but to be honest it still bothers me how he knew I wanted that model kit when I never told him about it...I just wish he'd tell me how he knew...I don't want to seem ungrateful for his gift but it's too late now.
Short story: I got into a pretty bad argument with my BF of 4 years because he got me a gift that was very oddly specific and too perfect...it made me suspicious and when I asked him how he knew I wanted the thing he gave me and he just shrugged and said he loves me. I didn't like that answer so it escalated. AITA for wanting to know how he knew about something I never talked to him about?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
burndmymouth wrote:
Yup, you are totally the AH. If he was following your accounts, it seems it was not "creeping" but trying to see what you really wanted to surprise you. And he did. More likely scenario is that you actually mentioned something about this in conversation and he picked up on it.
I have done this numerous times with my wife, just overhearing a conversation or her making a comment about something that she doesn't think I am listening to, and then surprise her with that item.
OP responded:
I understand that...as far as I know he doesn't use internet forums very much. And if he did follow my account or overheard me somehow why can't he just tell me that?
burndmymouth wrote:
Because you came at him.
Ok_Aioli3897 wrote:
YTA because I bet you did talk about it unless you are saying that you never share anything about yourself with your BF.
OP responded:
I do share my hobbies with him. I just don't tell him about everything I want because i know he'll just end up buying it for me. He makes a lot more than me but I don't want to be that spoiled gf who gets everything I ask for...
Ok_Aioli3897 wrote:
So he figured what a good thing was in the hobby you enjoy by listening to you and doing research and you see that as a bad thing. Let me guess you put no effort into gifts so can't understand people that do.
A day later, OP shared an update.
I wanted to make this post even though the first one didn't get much attention. I feel like i owe it to my bf and the people who commented on the last one. I would like to show some humility before I abandon this burner account. I was definitely TA when it came to that situation...I took some time to think about it all and the comments on the original post helped me reflect on my actions.
I was being an insecure, immature and controlling brat. I took what was supposed to be a loving and tender moment and I trampled all over it because of my irrational insecurities. Not only that I hurt my bf in a terrible way, exploiting his insecurities and making him feel like a creep...when I should have been accepting his loving offer that he worked so hard for.
I know I have a control issue...where I feel as if people want to control and dictate everything I do...and for the first time I really let it out on someone I love...he didn't deserve that, he's always been very supportive of me, always been my side and never trying to control me.
I broke down when I got home from work yesterday, I apologized to him and told him it didn't matter how he found out about the Gundam model I wanted...I told him I was being irrational, stupid and insecure...I begged him to forgive my stupidity and i promised to work my insecurities so this doesn't happen again.
He gave me a giant hug and held me for a few minutes saying he was sorry for being distant and not telling me how he knew about that specific model.
I told him I really don't care how he knew and I really don't want to know...I told him to return the gift because I didn't deserve it...but being the good man he is he smiled and refused, he brought it back out and we put the model together as a couple. I'm lucky to have him, he's the best thing to happen to me and this experience taught me a good lesson not to take him for granted.
We're on good terms again, maybe even better than before. I know not many will care about this but I didn't want to leave it open and cold. I want to thank the commenters on the original post, you were part of the reason I realized my stupidity. I will work on myself so I can be the best partner for my bf, I want to make him as happy as he makes me. Thanks for reading :)
The internet was glad to hear the update.
EnvyUnoXo wrote:
Hey OP, I am glad things worked out. Truly. I just wanted to say re the how he knew what you wanted:
1. He saw your comments online if it was in the open domain.
2. You have models of gundam at home, lots of them, get excited every time you get a delivery of one, therefore shopped around and found the most expensive one and therefore thought you would love it and it would be unlikely that you would have it and therefore kinda got 'lucky' with that purchase. Number 2 seems more likely to me. Anyway. I wish you the best for the future.
Dry_Ask5493 wrote:
I think you should’ve allowed him to tell you how he knew you wanted that model.
Foolish-Pleasure99 wrote:
Yes. I am very much curious just how he knew.
PomBergMama wrote:
Same 😂 she should have found out if only to update!
ChipSalt wrote:
AITAH? I pretended to list Gundam models on Marketplace to see if my GF is interested in that model specifically.