"AITA for giving away shoes I’ve never worn?"
My great aunt (60f) is here in the U.S visiting me (18m) and my family for a couple months. She’s from a third world country and doesn’t have much compared to us so when she visits we try to buy or give her things to bring back home. I have 3 pairs of shoes I don’t currently wear and so I offered to let her check them out and take the ones she’s wanted since we’re the same size.
One of the shoes is more femininely styled and has pink stripes on it. I vaguely recall my dad possibly gifting them to me but just to make sure it wasn’t anyone else’s I asked my mom (40f) and grandmother (65f) if they were theirs. They both said no and so I handed them to my aunt with the rest of the shoes and walked away so she could try them all.
Suddenly my mom pulled me aside and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was giving my aunt my shoes that I don’t wear and she starts to panic, asking where I got the shoes, if my dad will be mad that I’m giving them away, and what size they are. Seeing her panic I’m starting to think that maybe they are hers and she just forgot so I grab them real quick and ask her if she’s sure they’re not hers.
She tells me they’re not but starts trying them on and when they fit her perfectly she starts looking at them sadly. At this point it’s clear she wants the shoes, so I ask her if she does and she says “no I’m not going to get in your aunts way” and walks away glaring at me.
I thought that was the end of it but a little later she tells me “Don’t give your stuff away without asking me first.” In a forcefully pleasant voice. I recoil from her and say “what why?” And she says “because I wanted them.” And I snap out, “well they’ve been sitting there for 3 years you should’ve taken them a long time ago if you wanted them.” And walk upstairs.
Now she’s pissed at me for snapping and for giving the shoes away, but I don’t see how she has the right to be mad and tell me that I need her permission before I give my own things away. I get that I live under her roof and she supports me but those shoes were mine, not given to me by her, and have been sitting in the closet for over 3 years collecting dust.
In fact when I got the shoes I told her I wasn’t going to wear them, that I didn’t like them, and that she could have them but she refused because they were a gift. Ive never worn them, she’s never worn them, and they’ve been hers for the taking this whole time, so now that she’s acting like I’ve committed a personal slight against her I’m confused and a little mad.
I could be TA because although she refused them the first time, maybe I should’ve double checked that she didn’t want them. But then again they’re mine, and they’re going to a woman who has so much less than us back at home. And it also rubbed me the wrong way that she felt like she was entitled to my own gift. If im in the wrong I’ll apologize but I needed a second opinion. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
reservedandbooked wrote:
NTA. Your mum is the worst kind of passive-aggressive person that I cannot stand. She wants them, but doesn't want to say that she wants them, but she wants to make sure that no one else has them, oh and also get annoyed at you for the whole situation in the first place.
If she wants them she should say yes when asked. If she says no, then they're not hers and she has no say in what happens to them when the owner wants to give them away.
Rainemist wrote:
NTA.
If she wanted them, she would've said something a long time ago. She only wanted them now because you gave them to your aunt.
LookAwayPlease510 wrote:
NTA.
How weird of your mom to be angry over this. As a shoe enthusiast, I will need a picture or the shoes, please and thank you!
SunnyandRainyoutside wrote:
NTA. You already offered the shoes to her when you got them. It's on her that she didn't want to take them because they're a gift. Apparently gifts only have a shelf life of three years since now she wants them. I wouldn't feel bad if I were you.
Your aunt is from a third world country and it seems like your mom could buy her shoes for herself. Hopefully your mom realizes that your aunt needs the shoes more than she does.
just-a-girl001 wrote:
NTA - Sounds like she was given multiple opportunities to claim them. She missed her chance and should not be upset about shoes she hasn’t even known existed for three years.
Practical_Winner_739 wrote:
NTA mom needs to grow up. Three years is a long time and she can probably afford to track em down online and buy them, where as your Aunt clearly cannot. Literally like, maybe remind her to check her privilege. She has so much vs someone with so little 🙄