I (31F) married my soon to be ex-husband (M33) in 2018. My in-laws never liked me and made it clear. STBX insisted that they're just putting up a tough exterior and they'll grow to love me. To show how evil they are, one time I joined them for dinner and brought a cake I'd made (because I was always raised to be a gracious guest).
When I stepped into the kitchen and offered the cake to his mother as a thank you for inviting me, she took the plate over to the garbage bin, dumped it in, and handed me the plate back.
When I told my husband what she did, he confronted her and all of a sudden the crocodile tears started and she claimed she grabbed the plate but didn't get a good grip, I let go to quickly, and it fell to the floor, so of course it had to be thrown away. My SIL "confirmed" that was what happened.
My STBX owned his own business and they called me a gold-digger behind his back. Of course they insisted on a pre-nup, which I didn't care about because I never thought my marriage would end and it would appease them and may allow them to finally treat me kindly. Nope. His business failed once C0vid hit.
We went through his savings and my own trying to keep it afloat. I refused to go into debt to keep it going, so he closed it down. In 2022, he was suffering from really bad depression because he lost his business and couldn't find new work. He suggested we move to his hometown, closer to his family, so he had a larger support network.
Against my best judgement we did. He wanted to only work part time while he tried to restart his business, so I became the main breadwinner. And as with most wives, I became the person in charge of buying gifts. Stupid ol' me thought buying them thoughtful, expensive gifts would finally make them see I wanted to be accepted by them.
Gifts to us were a "couples gift" but clearly for my STBX only. Every holiday was spent with them. Monthly dinners with the whole family. After a year, I realised that if I ever tried to talk or join a conversation, everyone would go quiet, so I just stopped talking when I visited. In early December they finalized plans for Christmas.
A few days later my STBX said his family decided they didn't want me to join them for Christmas Eve Dinner and Christmas Lunch because I ruin the family vibe. I replied, "Fine, we'll do our own thing instead." My STBX sheepishly looked away and said he was still going to go. I was livid and so disappointed in him. That was the moment I knew my marriage was over.
So I returned the presents I had bought for his family. In their place, I got one pair of novelty business socks for FIL, a supermarket brand bottle of shampoo for MIL, the nastiest perfume I could find at the dollar store for SIL. The most expensive gift was a large rawhide bone for BIL and his wife's chihuahua (too big for it to get its jaw around, rendering it useless).
I saved about $600 to put on a deposit for a new apartment.
My husband come home from Christmas lunch telling me I humiliated him and embarrassed him in front of his family.
I asked him why would he think I'd buy nice gifts for people who clearly don't like me and don't want me around? Served divorce papers last week. Remember how he was supposed to be a millionaire by now so we had that pre-nup? STBX is not eligible for any of my savings (it was required to keep separate accounts) or alimony.
He doesn't have money for rent and auto insurance. Not my problem anymore. Some of my friends and family and on my side and proud that I went out in a blaze of glory. Others are telling me I was being way too petty, which isn't really like me. So, AITA?
Icy_Material_4387 wrote:
NTA. He chose his family over you and still expected you to buy all the presents? This was perfectly planned and well deserved for every one of them, including him!
OP responded:
He only worked 12 hours a week at Walmart to he could do non-existent work restarting his business. I make just over 6 figures and I can't believe I didn't realize years ago I was the family ATM.
Liu1845 wrote:
NTA.
So thoughtful of them to insist on a pre-nup! I hope you send them a sincere thank you note after the divorce is finalized, lol.
OP responded:
My lawyer even laughed that the pre-nup that was set up for him is going to be what we use for me.
It required both spouses to maintain separate bank accounts and each spouse could keep 100% of their savings. No spouse eligible for alimony.
Hindukuxkhh wrote:
I would say be glad you did not have children with him. Be glad you can escape and be free with no strings.
PS, this relationship should be a learning lesson on the love that you want for yourself and the life you want. Not as a "loss."
jennifer79t wrote:
Your marriage was ruined long before the sh-tty gifts....the sh-tty gifts were a result of him prioritizing his sh-tty family over his wife.
Zestyclose-Sky-1921 wrote:
NTA. I didn't learn how to fight or scream until my ex and his family offered me in-person workshops lol. Petty? If your friends don't find what you did justified and glorious, their kind of hand-wringing self-righteousness would be better served somewhere else with somebody else.
Obsidianconspiracyxx wrote:
When treating others how you would like to be treated doesn't work, treat them exactly how they treat you. Good riddance to your s--tty stbx and equally sh--ty former in-laws. Pettiness is good for the soul. NTA. They earned and deserved everything they got.