'AITA for giving my friend $2K worth of wood as a middle finger to my dad?' UPDATED

Even the most specific of conflicts could use some outside litigation.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was "too petty" for giving her friend expensive wood in order to teach her dad a lesson about entitlement. She wrote:

"AITA for giving my friend $2,000 worth of wood as an FU to my dad?"

Hey everyone. Just some background info to set up the story. My dad is a stereotypical white boomer man. He believes that as the "man of the house" everything belongs to him. He likes to remind my mom that she would be nothing without him, and is dependent on his "generosity".

My mom has a giant tortoise named Dunkin that she rescued several years ago. Mom does all of the daily care, while I built the enclosure and house for her. It took me a few months and over $2k in supplies to get Dunkin a suitable habitat. At the time, we agreed that the wood and supplies belonged to me, as I bought all of it, and did all the work to design and build the house.

About a year ago I moved into an apartment. I had talked with my parents, and they agreed that when I got my own house, I would take Dunkin and her house/pen and she would become my tortoise. Recently, mom has been having health issues, so Dunkin will have to be rehomed since I can't keep her in an apartment.

I talked to one of my friends who owns her own home, and she would love to take Dunkin. She has a fenced in yard, so she won't need any of the wood, just the house and Dunkin. Mom and I were on board with this idea, and we thought that dad would store the wood until I had my own house. Well the other day my mom overheard my dad talking about all the stuff he was going to build with MY wood!

He never asked me, never asked my mom, didn't say a word to either of us. He was just going to take it! She asked him about it later, and he just waved her off and said it was none of her business. Since I left it in his property, obviously I don't want it so he can do whatever with it. She mentioned how much I paid for it, and he said that she could write me a check.

Not him, and his money, but mom and her meager savings. She only gets a few hundred dollars of social security a month, and he expects her to use all of it to pay me off so he can use my wood! Now I don't need the wood, and I can't use it. If he had asked, I'd be happy to let him use it, and I wouldn't have asked for money either.

But because of how rude and entitled he is being, I reached out to my friend, and told her that I'll give her the wood too, and she can use it for whatever she wants. She accepted, but said that she probably won't use it. Well my dad caught wind that I'm planning on moving my stuff without his permission, and he is PISSED. It's not his stuff, it's not his tortoise, he has no involvement in this entire situation.

But he wants to dictate the whole thing, and he is very upset that mom and I made plans without consulting him. Moving that much wood would require renting a truck, and getting several people's help. My friend doesn't need the wood, and I don't either.

So I'm going to be spending more money and more time just to make sure my dad doesn't get his way for once. Is that too petty? Should I just let him have the wood?

People had a lot of questions and comments about the situation.

ThinkingT00Loud wrote:

If you can find a woodworkers group on Facebook, or the like, or even a 'free to good home' group, you'll find plenty of people willing to show up with a truck and take it off your hands. NTA.

Fantastic_Ad2318 wrote:

If you're in the US there are charities such as Habitat for Humanity that will happily take the extra wood. I don't know if they'll pick up, but if you have to rent a truck anyway this ensures that the wood gets used.

lostintime2004 wrote:

Are you an AH? NTA. Is it petty? Oh so much. The best combination.

Slayerofdrums wrote:

NTA. Your wood, tour choice. Your dad sounds very entitled, so I could understand how you might want to teach him a lesson. And the wood was not his to begin with. Personally, I would sell the wood and pocket the money if your friend has no use for it.

hereforthesportsball wrote:

INFO: Where did the money to purchase the 2k of wood and supplies come from? And how old are you? (Not asking to be disrespectful, I truly think it matters to my answer).

OP responded:

I'm 23, and I worked all throughout high school and started working full time after I graduated. It was all my money that I earned.

hereforthesportsball responded:

NTA you bought it. If there was a problem with you keeping the wood there for a while, they should have said something. This sucks hopefully they get a grip.

TronnertheAwesome wrote:

NTA - but it'll take more than $2k worth of wood to rebuild whatever bridge you and your dad seem to enjoy torching. Sometimes they need to be burned, though.

OP responded:

I don't think there ever was a bridge. I used to think we were super close, then I realized that I was just blindly obedient. As soon as I started disagreeing and having my own opinions, I saw my loving father turn into a nasty, spiteful, vindictive man.

OP jumped on to share an update the next day.

I want to thank you all for your responses, I appreciate your time. Unfortunately I can't use any of your advice, as my mom has decided against rehoming Dunkin. She can't bring herself to part with her beloved tortoise. Instead she has asked me to redesign Dunkin's house to be more accessible for her. So the next time I have a few days off I'll be going over there and working on that.

I brought up some of your concerns for her safety in that conversation. Apparently she has her s**t together, but didn't want to worry my siblings or I with her marital issues. She has a separate bank account that my father doesn't know about, and she's been stashing money for years. She has also looked up divorce laws in our state and knows her rights.

She told me that the second my dad lays a finger on her, she will be leaving and taking him to the cleaners. I'm keeping my mouth shut, because dad still thinks she's a naive little housewife and she likes it that way. I appreciate your concern for my mom, and some of your comments about my dad made me laugh.

Him and I have had a strained relationship for the last few years, as he is very racist, misogynistic, and homophobic. He said some very unkind things to me when I came out. It's been very hard for me to realize that my dad loved the image of the perfect daughter, and not his actual daughter.

We were very close then a switch flipped and we weren't anymore.

To anyone asking to see Dunkin, I will try to upload some pictures of her and her pen/house. She's a cutie patootie!

Editor's note: I found a photo of the tortoise from a year ago! I think it's the same one here and some other tortoises (not sure if the pic includes mom's?) here

The internet was invested in the update.

matchamagpie wrote:

I'm very invested in Dunkin having a happy ending (as well as OP's mom).

That said, the dad seems to be a piece of work. I would be petty about my wood too.

Sweet_Xocolatl wrote:

It’s refreshing to know OP’s mom does indeed have her shit together and is keeping one hand on the door handle, usually when it comes to these types of posts the wife is either trapped and/or doesn’t have the fortitude to leave.

Glittering_Win_9677 wrote:

Here's hoping dad isn't on reddit and doesn't have any friends who recognize him because OP just gave away all of mom's plans and secrets. It's not like a lot of people have tortoises.

dejavux22 wrote:

I'm so glad that OP's mom has her finances in order and support from her daughter. I hope there's an update that OP, mama and Dunkin are together in a nice little house with a backyard 😭❤️

This one ended surprisingly wholesome, hopefully things pan out well for OP and her mom, and of course - Dunkin.